# Which of these do you like best as an opening line? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 13, 2007, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680 "2007-07-13T18:04:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MerryMagdalen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@MerryMagdalen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MerryMagdalen)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2007, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/41 "2007-07-14T09:33:05Z")
I like #1 and #3 but not so much #2. Now, for the sort of stuff I’ve seen you write, I think #3 would be most appropriate. #1 is sort of Pratchett/Adams-y and appropriate to that kind of work, whereas #3 evokes the storytelling Southern Gothic you are so good at. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2007, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/42 "2007-07-14T10:17:34Z")
The only one that made me laugh out loud was 2. But each is admirable in its own way. ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2007, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/43 "2007-07-14T10:26:36Z")
[QUOTE=Atomicktom] #1 is very funny, and I already want to know the rest of the story. [/QUOTE] Amen! #1 ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2007, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/44 "2007-07-14T13:59:23Z")
1 sounds like a book of humorous stories. It’s good and snappy, although it reminds me of Erma Bombeck for some reason. 2 sounds like “CSI Mobile.” Not that that’s bad. 3 sounds like the excerpt to a book taken seriously in the review section of the Sunday paper. If I were a reader of fiction, I’d probably go for #3. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2007, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/45 "2007-07-14T15:06:16Z")
I’d go with #3, not least of the reasons being that it places the reader so completely into the situation - with characters beginning to be defined. It also seems, to me, to be more representative of your writing style than the other major contender, #1. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2007, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/46 "2007-07-14T15:50:21Z")
I like 1 & 3. For #1 I’d suggest you try to find a way to cut out at least a couple of the little words. Like my last sentence, so many little words muffle the message. The idea is strong & catchy - punch it up & it’ll really sing. e.g. In space, no one can hear you scream; tain’t so in Kroger’s produce. #3 is perfect as-is. #2 just has me baffled. If “body” at the end is supposed to mean a dead body, it needs a little more introduction. I followed the idea of Mom dressing up the boy as a pretty-boy, ie. growing her own son up to be gay. So when the word “body” came along I was stuck interpretting it like [gay hardbody] or maybe [girl personality in boy’s pre-pubescent body] or maybe even [git a picture before his body grows distinctive sex-related traits, ie while he still has the little girl body.] Eventually I decided you meant “dead body” but by then all the drama was gone & it was just an awkward & jarring construction. Heck, even adding “before the coroner gets here” at the end would help a bit. My idea’s too wordy & artificial-sounding for dialog, but at least it sets the situation unambiguously. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2007, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/47 "2007-07-14T17:06:38Z")
I like #3. I was thinking, “Man, that sounds like a **Sampiro** post; I wonder what book it’s from, and whether it’s available.” Then I went back and saw who the OP was. 🙂 #1 sounds like Dave Barry. Still good, but a different book. I’d go with #3. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2007, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/48 "2007-07-14T18:18:05Z")
#3 The first sounds like the title of an Erma Bombeck book, whom I adored as a humorist, nut her books won’t be the humor your going for. ---
**Author:** ![Lama\_Pacos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Lama\_Pacos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lama_Pacos)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2007, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/49 "2007-07-14T22:09:17Z")
I like the third the best. The first one is overly cute, I think, and the second one not as grabby. ---
**Author:** ![SparrowHawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac8455/32.png) [@SparrowHawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SparrowHawk)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2007, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/50 "2007-07-14T22:53:40Z")
I like #2 as well. It has a distinctive voice that you think you’ve pegged and then it takes a sharp left. It has the jarring juxtaposition as in #1 (which is my second favorite), but takes you more by surprise, because it took a little longer to get there and seemed to be going someplace else entirely. I was getting all comfortable and then, whoa. #3 is my least favorite. The woman is already tiresome and I don’t want to know any more about her (as a character in that paragraph, mind you, not as a real mom. From reading your other stuff, I know for a fact I enjoy the stories about her and all the rest.). ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2007, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/51 "2007-07-14T23:04:57Z")
[QUOTE=NurseCarmen] Use creative license. Make the first sentence of #3 it’s own paragraph. [/QUOTE] Drop the apostrophe, and ditto ;). I’d also drop the “North Carolina” from the first sentence, since it can be explained later, and it’d further concisify that first sentence, concentrating its impact. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![zelie\_zelerton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/59ef9b/32.png) [@zelie\_zelerton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zelie_zelerton)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2007, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/52 "2007-07-15T15:16:52Z")
1 is a good punchy start and would draw me in. 2 would need more context up front. I almost didn’t get the punchline due to focusing on your cute lil curls. 3 was good. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2007, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/53 "2007-07-15T15:34:23Z")
> [@](#): > > If getting-to-the-point fans were any less my target audience, one or the other of us would be filing restraining orders. Especially with this being the case, I wouldn’t pick the opening line at all. You said these each go with a different story, so decide which of the three stories is the best for opening the book. A good opening line is important, of course, but I’m going to read more than the first paragraph before dediding to continue with a book. But in a book of annecdotes, I _might_ decide to put it down after the first one, if it hadn’t grabbed me by then. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2007, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/54 "2007-07-15T18:58:07Z")
I agree with **Chronos,** we need stories 2 and 3 to make up our minds properly. By itself, I’d go with 3, it does match your style of stories best. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2007, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/55 "2007-07-15T22:01:48Z")
Major thanks for all opinions. (Not telling the story is intentional- I wanted to see which would grab people most without knowing what’s coming.) A tangentially related favor please: I’m scanning old photos and uploading them onto the web and burning them onto disks for preservation. The below is a photo album that contains most of the people mentioned in my tales, but I can’t tell if the link works as I’m automatically admitted to the site and it’s in my cache history. Could somebody please [click this link](http://sampiro.myphotoalbum.com/view_album.php?set_albumName=album04) and let me know if the pics come up and what the name of the album is given as? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2007, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/56 "2007-07-15T22:10:27Z")
I go for #1. It’s shorter and lets the reader visualize their own “grocery aisle”. Stories that get overly descriptive leave no room for the imagination. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2007, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/57 "2007-07-15T22:11:45Z")
Yupper. “Weoka…[something] and Billingsley.” ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2007, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/58 "2007-07-15T22:13:09Z")
[QUOTE=NurseCarmen] Use creative license. Make the first sentence of #3 it’s own paragraph. You get the brevity of #1, and the :o of #3. [/QUOTE] My vote, too. The first sentence of #3 is a great attention grabber. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2007, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/59 "2007-07-15T22:25:38Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] Yupper. “Weoka…[something] and Billingsley.” [/QUOTE] It works then- thanks. (Weokahatchee- from the Creek Indian words meaning “the hatchee of Weoka”.) ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2007, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680/60 "2007-07-15T22:39:49Z")
#3 is best. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-do-you-like-best-as-an-opening-line/411680.md?page=4)