# Which of these is an acceptable way to break up with someone? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 9, 2013, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567 "2013-06-09T17:20:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567/41 "2013-06-10T18:30:20Z")
Not over their work phone. One of my exes broke up with me by calling me at work, where all my coworkers were within earshot of my end of the conversation. That was cruel. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Lurker\_Above](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Lurker\_Above](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Lurker_Above)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567/42 "2013-06-10T18:51:02Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > She wanted to break up nicely. Parties are nice, so break-up party. She didn’t want to spoil the break-up party by breaking up prior to it. Ergo surprise break-up party. :smack: Wait, did all your friends know it was a ‘surprise break-up party’ or were they as surprised as you? And in the spirit of not-ruining-Muffin’s-party did she break up with you and then immediately start the party or have the party and then break up with you as it was ending? I’m not sure which scenario appalls me more. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567/43 "2013-06-10T19:43:18Z")
Break-ups should be through a voice conversation. That means face-to-face or phone (with or without video). The conversation should be private, though it’s OK to have the conversation in a public place without anybody within obvious earshot. (A park bench is fine, as long as nobody’s on a bench 5 feet away from yours. A restaurant is right out, because there’s almost always someone who can overhear.) The only exception I’ll make is if you try and try to call over the course of, say, a week, and you simply can’t get hold of the other person. At that point, email or text or whatever, just to get it over with. But that’s a desperation move, not a reasonable option from the get-go. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567/44 "2013-06-10T20:10:25Z")
Here are some other options: [ul] [li]Singing Telegram[/li][li]Western Union telegram[/li][li]Western Union anything (the novelty of just using them for anything non-Nigerian Prince related oughta take the sting out of the message)[/li][li]Message on a cookie cake[/li][li]An intricate scavenger-hunt or 10 clue treasure map quest ending in a break-up note placed inside a jewelry ring box[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567/45 "2013-06-10T20:11:32Z")
Face to face, if possible. I mean, sheesh. A person should be that important to you, even if you’re breaking up with him or her. That said, I have broken up over the phone, but it was more like the two of us figuring it out during the call. But relationships are as different as the people in them, and no doubt there are plenty of examples where things I don’t think are generally suitable, would be. If two people constantly text their deepest feelings to each other, it might be reasonable to drop the hint that way. Is “We need to talk” acceptable (text, phone message, private message on social network)? IMHO, it is, even though after receiving those words one usually knows what the subject – and result – will be. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567/46 "2013-06-10T20:12:53Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Here are some other options: > > [ul] > [li]Singing Telegram[/li][li]Western Union telegram[/li][li]Western Union anything (the novelty of just using them for anything non-Nigerian Prince related oughta take the sting out of the message)[/li][li]Message on a cookie cake[/li][li]An intricate scavenger-hunt or 10 clue treasure map quest ending in a break-up note placed inside a jewelry ring box[/li][/ul] Wow! Wanna meet for a cup of coffee some time? ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567/47 "2013-06-10T20:18:54Z")
> [@Learjeff](#): > > Is “We need to talk” acceptable (text, phone message, private message on social network)? IMHO, it is, even though after receiving those words one usually knows what the subject – and result – will be. I’ve gotten “we need to talk”, and then got the actual break up in person. Sure, you know what that is, but I still appreciated being dumped in person rather than over IM. (I did not appreciate being dumped the night before finals, but I understand there wasn’t a better time to do that). So I’d say it’s acceptable. Maybe even preferable, because then you aren’t blindsided but still get the courtesy of it happening in person. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567/48 "2013-06-10T20:24:26Z")
> [@Learjeff](#): > > Wow! Wanna meet for a cup of coffee some time? Depends. Are you just going to break up with me? Because that’s going to taint all my coffee-going experiences from here on out. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567/49 "2013-06-10T21:02:23Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > You guys are weird. As I said upthread, I’d \*rather \*someone break up with me on the phone than in person. Would it still be so insulting, cowardly, offensive, etc. if they did it the way they knew I’d prefer? They probably don’t know which way you prefer. I’ve never told a girlfirend how I’d want to be broken with, nor been told that; and frankly I can’t believe my experience isn’t typical. Morever, there’s no way to ask the question “How would you prefer to be broken up with, honey?” without eliciting the immediate response, “Why? Are you about to dump me?” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2013, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567/50 "2013-06-10T21:24:44Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > They probably don’t know which way you prefer. I’ve never told a girlfirend how I’d want to be broken with, nor been told that; and frankly I can’t believe my experience isn’t typical. Morever, there’s no way to ask the question “How would you prefer to be broken up with, honey?” without eliciting the immediate response, “Why? Are you about to dump me?” So you might as well just pick the way you prefer and let her catch you in bed with her sister. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567/51 "2013-06-11T00:44:18Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > I suppose the problem would be that, had you said that you prefer being broken up with by phone, I would assume that is one of those womanly things like “you don’t have to hold the door for me” or “I prefer going shopping alone”, that you say but don’t really mean, and will hold it against me if I take it at face value. > > I suppose my next questions is WHY you prefer being dumped by phone, if you don’t mind me being nosy. Because if I was going to cry or something I would want to be alone and the whole thing just seems so awkward. I hate awkward! Or we’d just end up staying together then, because that’s what usually happens. Easier to be resolute over the phone. > [@Enderw24](#): > > [li]Western Union anything (the novelty of just using them for anything non-Nigerian Prince related oughta take the sting out of the message)[/li] Like a money order? That would be cool. > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > They probably don’t know which way you prefer. I’ve never told a girlfirend how I’d want to be broken with, nor been told that; and frankly I can’t believe my experience isn’t typical. Morever, there’s no way to ask the question “How would you prefer to be broken up with, honey?” without eliciting the immediate response, “Why? Are you about to dump me?” It could come up in conversation at some point. Some of my exes know how I feel about the “important things must be done in person” thing, so it wouldn’t be that hard to figure out. ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567/52 "2013-06-11T17:03:54Z")
Clearly I am much more of a traditionalist than I thought. In my view, the only option is to have conversation in private, in person. No offers of one-last-time-for-old-time’s-sake sex. That’s tacky. No voice mail, email, social media messages. If you’re (wo)man enough to be sexually active, then you should be (wo)man enough to tell your partner that the relationship is over in a face-to-face meeting. Put on your big boy/girl panties, for Og’s sake! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-is-an-acceptable-way-to-break-up-with-someone/660567.md?page=2)