# Which performer would would you like to Be? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 10, 2018, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385 "2018-08-10T13:04:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Banksiaman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banksiaman/32/3334_2.png) [@Banksiaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banksiaman)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2018, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/1 "2018-08-10T13:04:20Z")
Thre have been a few threads recently on performers you saw/wanted to see/regretted seeing before you/they/we died. While there is still a pulse in this well-flogged horse, why don’t we ask which performer you’d like to BE [and then died]? In media I’d suggest Hank Azaria for the joy and preposterous pay-cheque of being a Simpsons regular. And for a while at least, that included going home from what can’t have been a very hard day to Helen Hunt. In music, I cant play anything and my singing voice makes my two left feet seem adequate, so maybe I could be a member of a boy band. Joey Fatone of NSYNC [has already been called out as an imposter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6RIf16kVh0), so why can’t I do it? ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2018, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/2 "2018-08-10T15:43:51Z")
Mozart. No contest. If I could pick a fictional performer, Marty McFly. I just won’t make the mistake of going back in time to 1955 to play a song destined to be released in 1956. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2018, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/3 "2018-08-10T16:08:54Z")
Buck Naked, porn star! :o ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2018, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/4 "2018-08-10T17:33:54Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Buck Naked, porn star! :o Kokopelli. At least the version where he is encouraged to have sex with the women in the villages he visits. terentii, we are thinking along similar lines. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2018, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/5 "2018-08-10T17:45:38Z")
A dated (and now inaccurate on several counts) reference but I still remember some television program about “Celebrity” which said “George W Bush is the leader of the free world whereas Billy Joel gets to sing songs and sleep with Christie Brinkley. So what form of celebrity is the best?” ---
**Author:** ![A\_Dodgy\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a87d85/32.png) [@A\_Dodgy\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_Dodgy_Dude)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2018, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/6 "2018-08-11T03:28:57Z")
Elvis, of course. ---
**Author:** ![blob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blob/32/489_2.png) [@blob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blob)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2018, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/7 "2018-08-11T04:07:48Z")
Pink. I spend most of my time lying about. I’d like to be fit, and energetic and do all her acrobatics instead of staying in bed most of the time. I have vertigo, there’s no way I’d be able to go up in those high trapeze contraptions. And the girl can sing. I admire the amount of effort she seems to put into her shows. I’d like a fraction of her energy and motivation. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2018, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/8 "2018-08-11T22:49:18Z")
[Neil Hamburger](https://youtu.be/4n_FJ5RAlnc?t=52) ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2018, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/9 "2018-08-11T23:08:08Z")
To be honest, nobody. I don’t want to be anyone but me, in large part because everyone has struggles other people don’t know about. YMMV, of course. ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2018, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/10 "2018-08-11T23:20:00Z")
**nearwildheaven** ’s response was the first type of thing that came to my mind. But in the end, for me, the opportunity seems too good to pass up, and my choice is the same one as Schwarzenegger made many years ago. I’ll be Bach. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![blob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blob/32/489_2.png) [@blob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blob)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2018, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/11 "2018-08-11T23:24:44Z")
> [@DavidwithanR](#): > > I’ll be Bach. > > 🙂 Congratulations. I’ve just woken up, haven’t yet had my cup of tea and you made me laugh out loud with that one. There’s not much that gives me a chuckle these days. Thanks. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2018, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/12 "2018-08-11T23:52:06Z")
If I get to be that person, and be able to perform as well as them, I would totally be Prince. I’d probably do everything exactly the same as him, except I’d make sure to OD right after Graffiti Bridge. ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/13 "2018-08-12T00:01:46Z")
Meryl Streep Katherine Hepburn. I’d like to be in the heads of these elegant, talented women. If I switched gender I’d want to be an uber masculine, powerful guy like Robert DeNiro – same reason of “what’s it like?” ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/14 "2018-08-12T00:45:43Z")
Bach would be impressive, except you’d be playing mostly in church. I would want my audience young, ecstatic, gyrating gracefully, full of LSD, and mostly naked. I’d want to be Jerry Garcia at an outdoor Dead concert between 1966 and 1976. ---
**Author:** ![Sefton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Sefton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sefton)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/15 "2018-08-12T01:01:36Z")
George Clooney would be fine, thank you. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/16 "2018-08-12T01:25:49Z")
I have given this a lot of thought over the years. I’ve always wanted to be [Bernadette Peters.](https://goo.gl/images/wgaJhk)Singing dancing Broadway star with curly hair. (When she was in her prime, which she is a little bit past now, as am I.) ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/17 "2018-08-12T01:30:02Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Bach would be impressive, except you’d be playing mostly in church. > > I would want my audience young, ecstatic, gyrating gracefully, full of LSD, and mostly naked. > > I’d want to be Jerry Garcia at an outdoor Dead concert between 1966 and 1976. You’re right, no naked young audiences, nor naked old ones either - but I’m used to playing in churches already, and no offense, but Mr. Garcia had approximately the musical skill of Bach’s little finger. And according to that one kid’s history test answer, Bach had two wives, 13 children, and practiced on a spinster in the attic. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/18 "2018-08-12T02:45:21Z")
I’d like Frank Sinatra’s life. I imagine orgies in the 60’s would be a highlight. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/19 "2018-08-12T02:59:43Z")
Pink for sure. I adore her. Plus sex with Cary Hart. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/20 "2018-08-12T03:50:58Z")
> [@DavidwithanR](#): > > You’re right, no naked young audiences, nor naked old ones either - but I’m used to playing in churches already, and no offense, but Mr. Garcia had approximately the musical skill of Bach’s little finger. And according to that one kid’s history test answer, Bach had two wives, 13 children, and practiced on a spinster in the attic. 🙂 Bach was a musical genius and Garcia was also one; you realize there are different idioms of music and, while there is definitely a hierarchy of musicianship in the idiom of rock and roll, the Dead were at the top of it, in the company of the Beatles, Brian Wilson, the Who, and only a very few others who were comparable in terms of musical skill and pushing the boundaries of contemporary music at the time. Many of Jerry Garcia’s songs are highly modal and at times they verge on being jazz. You can get a superb education in music just by emulating Jerry’s playing, he left a musical legacy that will continue to influence people for hundreds of years, just as Bach did. I guess what I’m saying is, there’s, like, no reason to slag off Jerry Garcia just because you _prefer_ Bach. Man. Chill, dude. OK, man? If I was going to be a performer, I’d be William Shakespeare. Not because I’m even a fan of Shakespeare, I barely know any of his work, but because it would be cool to travel back in time. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385.md?page=2)