# Which performer would would you like to Be? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 10, 2018, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385 "2018-08-10T13:04:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/21 "2018-08-12T04:16:39Z")
> [@Banksiaman](#): > > In media I’d suggest Hank Azaria for the joy and preposterous pay-cheque of being a Simpsons regular. And for a while at least, that included going home from what can’t have been a very hard day to Helen Hunt. I’m thinking Azaria might face some difficulties on the following day when he went home to his current wife. Azaria and Hunt divorced eighteen years ago and Azaria married Katie Wright eleven years ago. ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/22 "2018-08-12T04:27:29Z")
> [@Lamoral](#): > > Bach was a musical genius and Garcia was also one; you realize there are different idioms of music and, while there is definitely a hierarchy of musicianship in the idiom of rock and roll, the Dead were at the top of it, in the company of the Beatles, Brian Wilson, the Who, and only a very few others who were comparable in terms of musical skill and pushing the boundaries of contemporary music at the time. Many of Jerry Garcia’s songs are highly modal and at times they verge on being jazz. You can get a superb education in music just by emulating Jerry’s playing, he left a musical legacy that will continue to influence people for hundreds of years, just as Bach did. > > I guess what I’m saying is, there’s, like, no reason to slag off Jerry Garcia just because you _prefer_ Bach. Man. Chill, dude. OK, man? I wasn’t slagging. Garcia would probably readily agree. I was talking about musical and performing skill, not about preference or about one style being better or worse than another. ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/23 "2018-08-12T05:26:57Z")
Well, since there are no recordings of Bach playing, we’ll never actually know how good he was. Unless somehow we can detect traces of musical vibration or something, on an artifact that he used, like some people claim to have done with ancient pottery, though I’m pretty sure it was debunked as bullshit. Wait, what were we talking about again? ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/24 "2018-08-12T05:44:59Z")
eh… ---
**Author:** ![BobBitchin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@BobBitchin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobBitchin)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/25 "2018-08-12T12:46:56Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Bach would be impressive, except you’d be playing mostly in church. > > I would want my audience young, ecstatic, gyrating gracefully, full of LSD, and mostly naked. > > I’d want to be Jerry Garcia at an outdoor Dead concert between 1966 and 1976. While I agree with banging hippie chicks in principal, they generally smell bad and have way too many opinions for a male fantasy.:eek::rolleyes: I’d rather be Jon Bonjovi. 80’s metal groupies were freshly showered and lightly IQed.🆒 Not to mention, EVERYTHING this fucker touched turned to gold, for like two decades.😃 ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/26 "2018-08-12T12:54:20Z")
I’d like to be Maria Callas for four hours and sing Violetta in “La Traviata.” I would just once like to experience what it’s like to be able to SING. ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/27 "2018-08-12T13:21:21Z")
> [@Lamoral](#): > > . . . You can get a superb education in music just by emulating Jerry’s playing, he left a musical legacy that will continue to influence people for hundreds of years, just as Bach did. . . . Uh… ok… ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/28 "2018-08-12T13:23:47Z")
Billy Joel. This is his life today (unless it has changed since I read this): He lives in a mansion on Long Island, which sits on a very large, private lot that includes a helicopter and heliport. Once a month he is helicoptered to Madison Square Garden to perform a concert, then zipped back home afterwards. The rest of the month is, I guess, free time. mmm ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/29 "2018-08-12T13:41:23Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Billy Joel. > > This is his life today (unless it has changed since I read this): > > He lives in a mansion on Long Island, which sits on a very large, private lot that includes a helicopter and heliport. Once a month he is helicoptered to Madison Square Garden to perform a concert, then zipped back home afterwards. > > The rest of the month is, I guess, free time. > mmm It’s kinda funny. I’ve recently rediscovered Billy Joel. His piano work and lyrics are just great. I, though, would love to play anything like Carlos Santana can. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/30 "2018-08-12T16:12:39Z")
> [@jaycat](#): > > Uh… ok… Because of his bands’ custom of welcoming tapers, pretty much every note Garcia played in public between 1965 and 1995 has been transcribed. Charlie Parker was a “bigger genius,” but there’s only a few hundred hours of his saxophone solos on wax. Future generations studying the history of 20th century improvised music will definitely have Jerry on the syllabus, no matter what you think of him. Besides, slagging on the Dead is SO 1974. Get hip and contemporary, buddy. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/31 "2018-08-12T21:20:16Z")
I want to be Bob Dylan. ---
**Author:** ![Banksiaman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banksiaman/32/3334_2.png) [@Banksiaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banksiaman)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/32 "2018-08-12T22:06:24Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > I want to be Bob Dylan. Young, slim-hipped and angry? Old, gnarled, nobel-prized? As OP I’m going to set a new rule - if someone has a long period of fame or celebrity you have to narrow it down to at least a decade. And you can’t step out, you have to take the subsequent roughness with the smooth. So as Hank Azaria I will have to bear The Smurfs movie voice acting as my own personal cross. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/33 "2018-08-12T22:19:19Z")
Riccardo Muti, the conductor of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. I’d love to know what it is like to look at a score and be able to interpret it. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/34 "2018-08-12T22:21:33Z")
> [@BobBitchin](#): > > While I agree with banging hippie chicks in principal, they generally smell bad and have way too many opinions for a male fantasy.:eek::rolleyes: > > I’d rather be Jon Bonjovi. 80’s metal groupies were freshly showered and lightly IQed.🆒 The one person I know of who ever did anything like that was the kind who was freshly showered, but she was NOT lightly IQed by any stretch of the imagination. And he was married to Dorothea, or at least partnered with her, for much of that time, but who are we kidding, and that likely extends to her as well. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/35 "2018-08-12T22:21:54Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > I want to be Bob Dylan. I wish I were someone just a little more funky. ---
**Author:** ![Sloe\_Moe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sloe\_Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sloe_Moe)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2018, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/36 "2018-08-12T23:12:25Z")
Astaire or Fosse. Dancers get the most women. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2018, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/37 "2018-08-13T00:13:15Z")
Jim Morrison. It’s better to burn out than to fade away. If I had to be a celebrity I’d want to be one that burned brightly, said some meaningful things, burned out, and is immortalized for it. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2018, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/38 "2018-08-13T16:00:29Z")
Keith Richards. He is a minimalist player, and the idea of doing so much with so little is fascinating, as is the concept of immortality. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2018, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/39 "2018-08-13T16:42:28Z")
> [@blob](#): > > Pink. I spend most of my time lying about. I’d like to be fit, and energetic and do all her acrobatics instead of staying in bed most of the time. I have vertigo, there’s no way I’d be able to go up in those high trapeze contraptions. And the girl can sing. I admire the amount of effort she seems to put into her shows. I’d like a fraction of her energy and motivation. This is a great pick, and I’m tempted to steal it. I’m going to go with Jessie Graff, because she has amazing athleticism and seems to have a great head on her shoulders. If she doesn’t count as a performer, I’ll go with Jewel, because I find her inspiring and if I had to spend time in someone else’s head, I’d probably rather be in her head than most other celebrities. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2018, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385/40 "2018-08-16T00:46:35Z")
> [@wonky](#): > > I wish I were someone just a little more funky. When everybody loves you, oh, son, that’s just about as funky as you can be. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-performer-would-would-you-like-to-be/819385.md?page=3)