# Which professional is best for a chimpanzie? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 12, 2014, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424 "2014-11-12T06:33:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/1 "2014-11-12T06:33:23Z")
My adult chimpanzee is sick, who should I take him to, a GP or a non-specialist vet? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/2 "2014-11-12T06:36:09Z")
Call a local zoo and ask them to recommend a vet who specializes in primates. ---
**Author:** ![coremelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@coremelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coremelt)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/3 "2014-11-12T06:36:14Z")
Is this a joke? If you indeed really do have a chimpanzee I would you would have done some research on looking after it before you bought it. A chimpanzee would be treated by at Vet, not a GP and you would need to find one which knows something about Primates, which is probably not most of them. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/4 "2014-11-12T06:43:30Z")
No, it’s just a hypothetical, I’m not immoral enough to enslave something argubly human, and I’m not crazy enough to hang 'round someone who could literally rip my face off. ---
**Author:** ![coremelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@coremelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coremelt)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/5 "2014-11-12T07:12:54Z")
it seems a pretty pointless hypothetical. I would hope no one is going to seriously suggest that a chimpanzee be treated by a GP. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/6 "2014-11-12T08:52:29Z")
> [@coremelt](#): > > it seems a pretty pointless hypothetical. I would hope no one is going to seriously suggest that a chimpanzee be treated by a GP. Not really… chimps are far more similar to us then they are to cows or cats. If I only had the two options, I’d take him to a GP. obviously a specialist ape vet would be better than either a human physician or a non-specialist vet. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/7 "2014-11-12T09:29:58Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > Not really… chimps are far more similar to us then they are to cows or cats. If I only had the two options, I’d take him to a GP. But would a GP treat it? I very much doubt it. ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/8 "2014-11-12T09:32:03Z")
Even if you can find a (human) physician willing to treat your pet, I still wouldn’t advise it. The doctor could end up killing your chimpanzee with a misdiagnosis or an inappropriate drug. Ask any veterinarian what their number one pet peeve is, and they’ll usually say it’s human physicians who attempt to treat animals and end up doing more harm than good. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/9 "2014-11-12T10:40:49Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > No, it’s just a hypothetical, I’m not immoral enough to enslave something argubly human, and I’m not crazy enough to hang 'round someone who could literally rip my face off. I’m guessing that most people have seen that documentary about the lady who raised a chimp from infancy and one day, after it became an adult, it attacked her friend and ripped her face off. Gouged her eyes out. Left her in a bed for the rest of her life and racked with pain. Even though she was given a full face transplant, the rest of her life will be spent full of pain and regret. If I was a doctor and someone brought an adult chimp into my office, my first reaction would be to just shoot it dead. Sorry. But they are truly just that dangerous. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/10 "2014-11-12T10:45:31Z")
> [@erysichthon](#): > > pet peeve Heh! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/11 "2014-11-12T10:52:17Z")
Call Jimmy Kimmel and ask for a referral. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/12 "2014-11-12T12:32:46Z")
Veterinarians willing to treat nonhuman primates are few and far between. They are dangerous in many ways. Restraint is difficult. They can have diseases that are deadly to humans (simian herpes virus\*\*\*\*\*). Circa 1990 a friend of mine acquired a little spider monkey. It flung its feces when angry and spent much of his time masturbating, to the point it caused sores on his penis. The closest veterinarian was a six hour drive and each visit involved sedation and considerable expense. She sold the monkey the second a buyer showed interest, eagerly accepting a lowball offer. \*\*\*\*\*[Simian Herpes Virus.](http://www.cdc.gov/herpesbvirus/signs-symptoms.html) ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/13 "2014-11-12T12:43:43Z")
**Little Nemo** got it in one. Neither poll option is good if “vet” means “non-specialist vet”, as in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/14 "2014-11-12T13:16:28Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Veterinarians willing to treat nonhuman primates are few and far between. They are dangerous in many ways. Restraint is difficult. They can have diseases that are deadly to humans (simian herpes virus\*\*\*\*\*). > > Circa 1990 a friend of mine acquired a little spider monkey. It flung its feces when angry and spent much of his time masturbating, to the point it caused sores on his penis. The closest veterinarian was a six hour drive and each visit involved sedation and considerable expense. She sold the monkey the second a buyer showed interest, eagerly accepting a lowball offer. > > \*\*\*\*\*[Simian Herpes Virus.](http://www.cdc.gov/herpesbvirus/signs-symptoms.html) it does my heart good to learn of a low-baller getting what they deserve. I’d love to know how they dealt with it until they could get rid of it. I hate low-ballers because they waste so much of so many peoples’ time. ---
**Author:** ![Fiveroptic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiveroptic/32/8257_2.png) [@Fiveroptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiveroptic)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/15 "2014-11-12T13:44:52Z")
Did you even read that post? “She sold the monkey the second a buyer showed interest, _eagerly accepting a lowball offer_.” The monkey was a little asshole. I would have _paid_ someone to take it. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/16 "2014-11-12T13:50:28Z")
Neither of the above. Neither an MD nor a DVM, if he has any sense, will come within a hundred feet of a chimp to treat it. These are dangerous wild animals. Nobody has any business keeping a chimp as a pet in the first place. Call the zoo, get a referral, and then see about finding a zoo that will accept the animal or euthanize it. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/17 "2014-11-12T14:22:44Z")
Vet unless you call the GP first and he’s some freak case that studies primates as a hobby. As **Shodan** pointed out, that is a heck of an animal and a vet would at least be smart enough to tranq it from a distance and play it by ear from there. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/18 "2014-11-12T14:54:00Z")
Why would you think a GP or the typical vet would be able to treat a chimp? ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Hen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@Small\_Hen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Hen)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/19 "2014-11-12T16:27:52Z")
> [@Fiveroptic](#): > > Did you even read that post? “She sold the monkey the second a buyer showed interest, _eagerly accepting a lowball offer_.” The monkey was a little asshole. I would have _paid_ someone to take it. The monkey wasn’t an asshole. The monkey was a monkey. Your friend was an asshole, and one not equipped with much forethought. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/20 "2014-11-12T16:49:47Z")
Kayaker’s friend. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424.md?page=2)