# Which professional is best for a chimpanzie?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [November 12, 2014, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424 "2014-11-12T06:33:23Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 3

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/41 "2014-11-13T13:48:30Z")

</div>

> [@vontsira](#):
>
> As others have intimated, “it’s what primates do”.

I would change that to, “it’s what non-human primates do” just to be polite.😃

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/42 "2014-11-13T14:13:41Z")

</div>

> [@erysichthon](#):
>
> Even if you can find a (human) physician willing to treat your pet, I still wouldn’t advise it. The doctor could end up killing your chimpanzee with a misdiagnosis or an inappropriate drug.

More likely the other way 'round. How would a GP know how to handle a chimp? Unless you tranquilizer darted him before bringing him in…

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/43 "2014-11-13T14:56:23Z")

</div>

When I read the Topic, my thoughts were find 999 of his buddies and lock them in a room with 1,000 word processors.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2014, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424/44 "2014-11-13T16:37:22Z")

</div>

> [@Namkcalb](#):
>
> No, it’s just a hypothetical, I’m not immoral enough to enslave something argubly human, and I’m not crazy enough to hang 'round someone who could literally rip my face off.

Chimpanzees are not humans, even for the purposes of a hypothetical. They are chimpanzees. They have chimpanzee-specific medical needs, just like they have chimpanzee-specific dietary needs and chimpanzee-specific socialization needs. Their chimpanzee-specific needs are not casually interchangeable with human-specific needs. Expecting chimpanzees to be satisfied with human-specific needs has only ever resulted in tragedy for the chimpanzees.

If your chimpanzee is sick, get it to a chimpanzee specialist. Then make arrangements for him to go live with other chimpanzees, like God intended.

[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-professional-is-best-for-a-chimpanzie/704424.md?page=2)