# Which species will you uplift? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 27, 2010, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513 "2010-12-27T14:31:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/1 "2010-12-27T14:31:00Z")
Suppose mankind discovers the technology to ‘[uplift](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uplift_(science_fiction))’ a species, giving it almost human-like intelligence and awareness, for the purpose of working/living alongside us. What is your species of choice? ---
**Author:** ![Todderbob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@Todderbob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Todderbob)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/2 "2010-12-27T14:39:16Z")
Chimps are the closest thing to humans we’ve got, with minimal adaptation, they can use cars, doors, etc. If we uplift dogs, we need to figure out an entirely new way for them to interact with technology. Not only that, but Chimps, being closest in brain structure, are more likely than dogs are to think and reason the way we do. While I’m not saying dogs do, or would, think significantly differently than humans, but if chimps or dogs one would, it would be dogs. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/3 "2010-12-27T14:45:53Z")
Super-intelligent cats would murder us in our sleep. Unless someone is foolish enough to give the uplifted dolphins land-based vehicles, we have nothing to worry about unless we go into the water. UPLIFT DOLPHINS! ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/4 "2010-12-27T14:47:46Z")
None. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should, and creating a new sapient species that cannot be our equals (because they cannot speak, or lack dexterous limbs) seems unnecessarily cruel. Better to learn how to apply it to humans, so that a consenting adult could choose to make themselves smarter. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzypickles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9d8465/32.png) [@fuzzypickles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzypickles)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/5 "2010-12-27T15:02:38Z")
Almost voted for cats, until I remembered they are already the dominant species on this planet (as every cat-lover already knows.) I’d go with giant, man-eating insects. It would be cool to go outside not knowing if you’re gonna get snapped up by an 8-foot mosquito who has ill designs for you… ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/6 "2010-12-27T15:23:00Z")
> [@MegaBee](#): > > Super-intelligent cats would murder us in our sleep. Unless someone is foolish enough to give the uplifted dolphins land-based vehicles, we have nothing to worry about unless we go into the water. UPLIFT DOLPHINS! Plus, when people and dolphins start having sex, the rest of us will be less likely to walk in on them. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/7 "2010-12-27T15:26:36Z")
God I hope we can do this someday. It would be paying it forward for our developing intelligence ourselves. I voted for chimpanzees as they’d likely be the easiest jump for the first uplift. But it should be dogs. They’ve paid the entry fee with humans more than any other species ever and should be able to reap that reward. Though I wouldn’t stop at ‘almost human-like’ intelligence. I’d bring them up as far as possible and make them equal partners. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/8 "2010-12-27T15:27:01Z")
I’m going with chimps. They’re the most useful to enslave. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/9 "2010-12-27T15:32:20Z")
Elephants, duh. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/10 "2010-12-27T15:33:35Z")
Dolphins, based on my ignorance almost certainly. One of my favorite ideas in science fiction is the exploration of different moral codes based on different species histories. Our instincts toward compassion and cooperation with members of our social group are wonderful, but there’s no particular reason why they’d be universal; it’s possible to imagine a species that has some form of sentience without having any instinct toward altruism, and that species would be terrifying if they found a rational basis for cooperation that actually worked. Dogs are far more hierarchical than humans, I think. They’d tend toward either servility or tyranny, neither of which would be great. Cats are such predators, and they’d be capable of acts of cruelty on par with the worst humans. Chimps are wayyyyy too strong for me to want them intelligent also. Insects, Jesus Christ, who’d want intelligent insects? Worst idea ever. Horses would be boring. Birds is too broad a category. Octopuses are already plenty intelligent, and I suspect that their moral code would be akin to Nyarolathotep’s. So, dolphins. They’ve got a pretty good social structure, but I don’t think they’re super-hierarchical. They’ve got a good sense of fun. They don’t really have a grammared language AFAIK, but they seem like they’d take to it pretty easily. Their lack of tool-building capacity keeps them from being a threat (unless some fool designs cybernetic drysuits for them). I’d see their use of intelligence as being primarily philosophical, rhetorical, and artistic, presenting very little threat to humanity and the possibility for great aesthetic insights. After they coordinate the extinction of killer whales and sharks, I think it’d be a great match. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/11 "2010-12-27T15:34:59Z")
None. Why make competition. All the animal species listed seem just as blood thirsty as humans. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/12 "2010-12-27T16:14:34Z")
Otters. They’re already pretty intelligent and use tools. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/13 "2010-12-27T16:16:16Z")
Parrots. ---
**Author:** ![dotchan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@dotchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dotchan)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/14 "2010-12-27T16:20:17Z")
Dolphins are already rapist assholes. We don’t need to train them to be able to assassinate the President\* on command. \*c.f.: Day of the Dolphin ---
**Author:** ![LawMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@LawMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LawMonkey)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/15 "2010-12-27T16:22:54Z")
If I were answering this question with the species that makes the most sense, I’d be forced to go with chimps. They’ve got hands–maybe we could give 'em an opposable thumb or two at the same time, right?–and they’re likely to be the least ‘alien’ in their thought and behavior, making them both probably easier to uplift and easier to get along with once they are. But if it’s just up to my personal preference, I’m totally going with dolphins (which is what I voted). ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/16 "2010-12-27T16:23:12Z")
> [@MegaBee](#): > > Super-intelligent cats would murder us in our sleep. Unless someone is foolish enough to give the uplifted dolphins land-based vehicles, we have nothing to worry about unless we go into the water. UPLIFT DOLPHINS! Nah, super-intelligent cats wouldn’t kill us in our sleep. Unless we forgot to buy gooshy-food ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/17 "2010-12-27T16:23:16Z")
You dolphin huggers better get your fins in gear, 'cause once the intelligent octopi/octopusses/octopods figure out what to call themselves, the oceans are gonna be a mammal-free zone. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/18 "2010-12-27T16:34:45Z")
I’d want to Uplift a species that would be different enough from us in their way of thinking that we’d learn something new from their approach to life. I really don’t think Uplifted dogs or cats would have that much to teach us that we don’t know already (even more so with horses and birds), and chimps (and other primates) are our nearest relatives, so I don’t think there’d be a big gain there. So from the OP’s list, that leaves dolphins, octopi, and insects, and I _definitely_ don’t want Uplifted insects. I voted for dolphins, but it would also be interesting to know what goes through the mind of an octopus. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/19 "2010-12-27T16:54:26Z")
Sloths, for the obvious reasons. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2010, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513/20 "2010-12-27T16:59:26Z")
Cats. Because there _definitely_ aren’t enough cats saying things. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-species-will-you-uplift/565513.md?page=2)