# Which Tolkien character, if real, would you jump the bones of? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 14, 2001, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018 "2001-01-14T19:25:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tclouie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@tclouie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tclouie)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/1 "2001-01-14T19:25:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Five \* > \*\* Start a similar thread about Tolkien, and I’ll talk yer ear off. \*\* _sigh_ OK, I’ll bite. Looks like this fictional-character-hump is going to be trendy for a little while. Hope I’m not going to regret starting with Shakespeare. It’s just that, you know, comic characters are so easy to visualize, and literary figures are more…open to interpretation? You can easily reject Little Lulu on the basis of her looks, but you can have Lady Macbeth any old way you want. Let’s get really perverted and start a thread for Narnia characters. I dare you. As for Tolkien…well, there just aren’t a lot of females in Tolkien. Either a lot of people will say Galadriel, or this thread will appeal mostly to gay males and hetero females. And even then, I don’t really get a feeling of sexual tension coming from any of the characters, except maybe Frodo and Sam. 😉 (For some great fan-fiction satire of the Frodo/Sam homoeroticism angle, go to [http://www.speakeasy.org/~ohh/book/index.html](http://www.speakeasy.org/~ohh/book/index.html) .) I would be buddies with a lot of the Tolkien characters, but I wouldn’t f\*\*\* them. OK, OK. Luthien. Morgoth was gettin’ ready to do her after seeing her dance. Luthien in a strip club would get all my twenties. Maybe also that confused bad boy, Turin Turambar. Same reason as Mercutio. (Although lacking the latter’s sense of humor.) But then, The Silmarillion is a slightly more adult piece of work, with more sexual overtones. The characters in Lord of the Rings have the sexual charisma of Jimmy Carter. Maybe I could try a hobbit? Something about midget sex… ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/2 "2001-01-14T21:45:12Z")
If I was a hobbit, I’d be all over Rosie Cotton. ---
**Author:** ![Wanderlust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9fc29f/32.png) [@Wanderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wanderlust)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/3 "2001-01-14T22:07:27Z")
I woudn’t jump any of their bones. Too furry. But, I would like to take Frodo home as a pet. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/4 "2001-01-14T23:45:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rastahomie \* > \*\*If I was a hobbit, I’d be all over Rosie Cotton. \*\* I’m with you there, Rasta! And let’s not forget Eowyn, Lady of Rohan, later to be Queen of Ithillian. (What is it about girls in leather?) Tris ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/5 "2001-01-15T00:02:37Z")
Legolas Greenleaf. ---
**Author:** ![nowalls99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e68b1a/32.png) [@nowalls99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nowalls99)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/6 "2001-01-15T01:16:54Z")
I just want to say that there is something inherently wrong about the OP. This is a question that shouldn’t have been asked. It put too many bad images in my head. The name Frodo says enough, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/7 "2001-01-15T05:53:45Z")
Well, duh–Strider. My first imaginary boyfriend was named Strider–I had to dump him because he was just too obsessed with his birthright and all that, no laughs. That being confessed to, I’ll admit to a liking for both Faramir and Eomer–both noble men of good heart, yet not larger than life like Aragorn. Wow, I’ve given this way too much thought. but it is time to re-read this series. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/8 "2001-01-15T07:38:19Z")
Without a doubt, Tom Bombadillo. (It’s been a while. I hope I got his name right.) ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/9 "2001-01-15T11:33:05Z")
Galadriel (especially now that she’s being played by Cate Blanchett! :p), Goldberry, Eowyn - and, if I were a hobbit, Rosie Cotton. ---
**Author:** ![Alatariel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Alatariel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alatariel)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/10 "2001-01-15T16:13:04Z")
Fingon, from the Silmarilion- Tall, blond, calls Morgoth out and Morgoth comes…_sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![Fezzik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Fezzik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fezzik)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/11 "2001-01-15T17:39:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RTFirefly \* > \*\*Galadriel (especially now that she’s being played by Cate Blanchett! :p), Goldberry, Eowyn - and, if I were a hobbit, Rosie Cotton. \*\* RTF, you do realize that you’ve just named half the female characters in all of the LotR! I think the only ones you missed were Arwen, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins and (ewwwww) Shelob. Oh, and that gossipy woman in Minas Tirith (Ioreth?) Really, there just aren’t many possible answers for the straight male readers of the SDMB. -Fezzik ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/12 "2001-01-15T17:45:49Z")
What killed me the most was that the tale of Beren and Luthien was subtitled “Return from Bondage”. It’s the most misleading title of anything … we didn’t get to read about her being tied up even ONCE. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/13 "2001-01-15T22:34:59Z")
Galadriel. I am in awe of any woman who can walk across the North Pole. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/14 "2001-01-16T03:15:50Z")
Arrowroot, son of Arrowshirt. ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/15 "2001-01-16T03:26:40Z")
Hmmm, I have a friend who has a Tolkienish name I gave her but I probably shouldn’t say any more… [sub]but its such a pretty name _sigh_[/sub] That said, Goldberry and Eowyn come to the top of the list I’ll think about it some more when I get a chance. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/16 "2001-01-16T03:49:55Z")
Gollum, just so I could hear someone say “my precious” constantly even they are not talking to me. ---
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tolkien-character-if-real-would-you-jump-the-bones-of/50018/17 "2001-01-16T14:24:56Z")
Obviously, **tclouie** , I need to think more before posting. As the spiritual, if not literal, OP of this thread, may I take a moment to say: _It was a joke!_ I actually have little to nothing to say on the subject of shaggable Tolkien females. I admit the notion of a bearded female dwarf piques my curiosity, but that’s it. Now, start a similar thread about Narnia, and I’ll talk yer ear off.