# Which TV husband or wife would you most NOT want for your spouse. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 26, 2011, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877 "2011-10-26T17:05:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![brocks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@brocks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brocks)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/81 "2011-10-28T00:23:26Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Darrin Stephens. Such a monumental castration-anxiety prick. He’s married to a woman who can make him lord of a castle or take him on vacations to the moon but noooo, since he doesn’t have magic powers she can’t use her’s either. That’d be like marrying a classicial pianist but saying “Since I can’t read music you can’t have a piano”. But at least Darrin was doing her. What about Major Nelson on “I Dream of Jeannie?” He not only didn’t want her to use her powers, he also didn’t want her to be amorous, at least for the first few years of the show. If Darrin was a moron, Tony was a double moron. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/82 "2011-10-28T01:44:18Z")
[QUOTE=brocks] If Darrin was a moron, Tony was a double moron. [/QUOTE] Or closeted. She probably would have been happier if she’d been found by Roger. Admittedly he’s not what you’d call “sexy”, but to me neither was Larry Hagman, and he’d have let her use all of her powers, both magical and amorous, 24/7. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/83 "2011-10-28T01:54:21Z")
Archie and Edith Bunker have both been mentioned but I’d find either preferable to Mike Stivic. Lazy, hypocritical, whining, self-pitying, selfish, entitled, inconsiderate, conceited, and inappreciative- in many ways at least as negative a stereotype of a liberal as Archie was of conservatives. While Archie would make anybody blow a gasket with his bigotry and his ignorance and his petulance, I never thought Mike showed him anywhere near the proper respect for putting a roof over his head/lots-of-food in his stomach, and supporting him while he was in college; I know it was with the understanding “I’ll pay you back with interest” but I think both knew that wasn’t ever going to happen. Before getting into screaming fits with Archie Mike should have gotten a part time job (very doable even when in college as millions of college students can attest) and rented a small apartment for him and Gloria (who worked full time- between them they could have probably found something in 1970s Queens- a studio or a room in somebody’s house if nothing else) and they could have shagged like howler monkeys to their hearts content without having to worry who was in earshot and Mike could call Archie a Nazi everytime he raspberried McGovern or whatever without being an ungrateful git. Of course later their marriage hits the skids, not surprisingly. Gloria has an affair with one of Mike’s colleagues and ultimately Mike leaves Gloria for one of his students (setting up the short lived spin-off _Gloria_). ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/84 "2011-10-28T02:06:59Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > and, I think, 24. Jack Bauer would get me kidnapped, killed, and given amnesia! ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/85 "2011-10-28T02:56:42Z")
Roseanne - the exact opposite in almost every way to my favorite, Laura Petrie. Honorable mention: Lucy Ricardo - zero sex appeal and too old to act that silly/stupid. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/86 "2011-10-28T05:00:46Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Jack Bauer would get me kidnapped, killed, and given amnesia! And that’s all in the first hour. But by hour 24, it will have been revealed that you were the mastermind, and he would get you tortured, killed, and given amnesia. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/87 "2011-10-28T05:09:09Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > And that’s all in the first hour. But by hour 24, it will have been revealed that you were the mastermind, and he would get you tortured, killed, and given amnesia. Well, that’s all right then. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/88 "2011-10-28T12:33:27Z")
Barbara Reynolds in “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/89 "2011-10-28T13:54:45Z")
## Kim Kardashian: high maintainence defined! -Kendra (From the Girls of the Playboy Mansion): sounds like a woman who would drain your bank account and drive you insane. ---
**Author:** ![Truman\_Burbank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@Truman\_Burbank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truman_Burbank)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/90 "2011-10-28T15:08:39Z")
I wonder if it’s too late for that whole monk/abstinance life choice… ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/91 "2011-10-28T15:21:42Z")
Only two votes for Roseanne Connor/Barr? C’mon. I’m reminded of the classic exchange between Lady Astor and Winston Churchill: Mary Astor: _“Winston, if you were my husband, I’d poison your tea.”_ Churchill: _“Nancy, if I were your husband, I’d drink it.”_ And on the other end of the spectrum, there’s Georgette from the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Being married to that simp and having to hear her saccharine-sweet little girl voice all the time would drive you to drink, or worse. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/92 "2011-10-28T16:30:05Z")
When I was 9 or so I The Honeymooners came on after I Love Lucy and I would rush to change the channel. I hated Ralph Kramden. Self-aggrandizing, lying jerk. When he threatened to beat his wife, he scared me. If I were married to Ralph, I’d hit him in the back of the head with a chair when he wasn’t looking and run for freedom. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/93 "2011-10-28T17:14:37Z")
Lucy. She always has some 'splaining to do. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/94 "2011-10-28T21:14:17Z")
If widowers count, Adrian Monk. By the second week he’d have to be post-humously investigating his own murder. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2011, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/95 "2011-10-29T00:13:47Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Archie and Edith Bunker have both been mentioned but I’d find either preferable to Mike Stivic. Lazy, hypocritical, whining, self-pitying, selfish, entitled, inconsiderate, conceited, and inappreciative- in many ways at least as negative a stereotype of a liberal as Archie was of conservatives. > > While Archie would make anybody blow a gasket with his bigotry and his ignorance and his petulance, I never thought Mike showed him anywhere near the proper respect for putting a roof over his head/lots-of-food in his stomach, and supporting him while he was in college; I know it was with the understanding “I’ll pay you back with interest” but I think both knew that wasn’t ever going to happen. Before getting into screaming fits with Archie Mike should have gotten a part time job (very doable even when in college as millions of college students can attest) and rented a small apartment for him and Gloria (who worked full time- between them they could have probably found something in 1970s Queens- a studio or a room in somebody’s house if nothing else) and they could have shagged like howler monkeys to their hearts content without having to worry who was in earshot and Mike could call Archie a Nazi everytime he raspberried McGovern or whatever without being an ungrateful git. > > Of course later their marriage hits the skids, not surprisingly. Gloria has an affair with one of Mike’s colleagues and ultimately Mike leaves Gloria for one of his students (setting up the short lived spin-off _Gloria_). On re-runs as an adult, I find Mike absolutely insufferable. Yes, he is right about politics, but he is really annoying. Archie, on the other hand, I find kinda sweet and ready to change when he is shown he has hurt someone. Archie’s bigotry is because he doesn’t know any better. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2011, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/96 "2011-10-29T00:42:27Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Only two votes for Roseanne Connor/Barr? C’mon. I wouldn’t pick her to be married to but if I had to choose one elimination as a safety, she wouldn’t be it. She loves her family, is willing to hold a job and has a sense of humor I’d be compatible with. Compared to some TV wives, she’s a gem. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2011, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/97 "2011-10-29T04:27:17Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > My vote goes to the shrieking harpy that is Deborah Barone. Please be kind to me. I go through life with a terrible weight over my head: My wife thinks “Ray’s wife is sharp.” And doesn’t see ANYthing wrong with the way she grinds down her husband. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2011, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/98 "2011-10-29T06:18:35Z")
Well, **digs** , I promise to give you a nice, respectable eulogy when she hatchet-murders you in your sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Fish\_Cheer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fish_cheer/32/17179_2.png) [@Fish\_Cheer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish_Cheer)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2011, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/99 "2011-10-29T18:40:30Z")
[Raquel Ochmonek](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ALF_%28TV_series%29). I wouldn’t even want to live next to her. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877/100 "2011-10-31T15:48:28Z")
I’m a straight woman, but I’ll nominate the whining, passive-aggressive buzzkill that is Althea Tibbs on _In the Heat of the Night_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-tv-husband-or-wife-would-you-most-not-want-for-your-spouse/600877.md?page=4)