I think his postion is no 34 in the Spama-Sutura, “talking out of the rear”.
It is. It’s the contraction of “dare not.” Penguin Random House
As for “Does ‘whilst’ make you sound pretentious or British?” is there really a difference?
'Scuse me whilst I kiss the sky 
No, it doesn’t sound pretentious here. At least not to me. I use it all the time and I’ve never batted an eyelid when anyone else has.
methinks thou dost protest to much.
Philistines and primates, the lot o’ ya. People like the OP won’t be happy 'til the human language hast decended back to the realm of grunting and hooting.
And besides, some of us that are working on a Shakespeare production oftentimes can’t helpt but slip into archaic speech.
Egads! Verily was the first word that crossed my mind reading the OP.
I must endeavor anew to go aseeking still more abstruse jargon to imply, sans directly declaring, the intellectual superiority that is mine own.
Just genuinely curious : what is wrong with “that said”? I use it quite often since it’s similar to the commonly used french “ceci dit”. Is “that said” actually weird or pretentious?
Same question than above : what’s wrong exactly with “methinks”. I read it so often (in particular on this board, in fact) that I began using it too. Is it improper or something?
I don’t know if this is correct or not, but the word sure SOUNDS Shakespeareanm and quoting the Bard might certainly be perceived as unnecessary pretense.
Gadzooks! Methinks this thread, whilst being mildly entertaining, lies betwixt droll, and deadly bland. That said, I do indeed opine, apropos the state of our linguistic lexicon. Perchance an opportunity shall arise for one and all to confabulate the confounding circumstances thereof. Alas, such a convocation subsists in no format i have yet heretofor encountered. Still, I dastn’t hypothesize the fortuity of the argumentation with bounteous, albeit obtuse, excitations. Nay, such desultory meanderings are the hob goblins of abundantly subjacent percipience than that which I presently command.
The BBQ Pit is a rock to whined a thread around.
Everyone I know IRL says this. :shrug: That’s just what it’s called here.
Besides which math sounds like you lost an “s” 
Eh? I agree ‘methinks’ is generally used just for effect, but surely ‘behest’ is sometimes just the correct word? How would you rephrase “I went at his behest.”?
Dude, you’re asking for it…
Yeah, Math (-s) just sounds really weird to us!
Only because we didn’t study mathematic.
I was just looking around at freelance jobs and saw “liaise” used as a verb. Instead of serving as a liaison, apparently, I need to liaise with people.
What is this world coming to?
A full and complete stop? Please exit the bus in an orderly manner, and make sure to take all of your belongings with you. Thanks for riding Pretentious Words Lines, and have a great day!
Oooopss…For some reason, I had assumed it rather erred too much on the “modern slang” side.