# Whistling at Women? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 9, 2013, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935 "2013-05-09T22:20:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/21 "2013-05-10T00:55:31Z")
**PastTense** , you have no idea what destruction you have wrought by starting this thread. But you are about to find out. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/22 "2013-05-10T01:02:44Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > **PastTense** , you have no idea what destruction you have wrought by starting this thread. But you are about to find out. I’m sorry I stepped in it. It’s enough for me already. Carry on with the train wreck folks. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/23 "2013-05-10T01:07:25Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > In the case of whistling, you can’t control it by dressing differently, or acting differently, because fundamentally it is not about how you dress or act: remember, here is guy who just wanted you to acknowledge that he exists: that isn’t really about you at all – it’s about him and how he feels about himself. > [@Melbourne](#): > > Well, that’s something I’ve never heard or considered. It’s a plea for attention? I’ve always assumed it was sort of a minor confrontation; mildly aggressive and designed to elicit discomfort in the target. > > Another valuable attribute is learning that you don’t have control of un-wanted complements. I can accept a compliment gracefully, but I don’t feel obligated to accept a whistle, “nice ass”, “nice tits”, or any other similarly coarse or rude, unsolicited and embarrassing comment on my appearance gracefully. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/24 "2013-05-10T01:19:31Z")
I don’t find anything wrong with a whistle per se. If they start to harass me afterwards, or accompany their whistle with rude language, then it becomes a problem. But in general it’s just a whistle, and I answer with a smile. I find it embarrassing and flattering at the same time. ETA: I find that guys who whistle at you while you’re walking down the street generally don’t expect anything other than a smile or a wave. They don’t expect you to stop and have a chat. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/25 "2013-05-10T01:27:35Z")
Whoops, sorry for the coding error, didn’t intend to alter Melbourne’s quote, no more posting from phone with squirmy baby in my lap. Apologies, Melbourne. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/26 "2013-05-10T01:41:12Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t recall guys simply whistling and then responding with ‘Bitch’ when they’re ignored. Maybe _I’m_ wrong, but probably these guys aren’t bothering much with you, right? So I am a little confused as to why you think you would necessarily ever notice it. ---
**Author:** ![KSO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@KSO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KSO)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/27 "2013-05-10T01:47:17Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > Notice him That’s all. And it’s a big enough gift that any kind of price is worth it. > > [snip] > > Another valuable attribute is learning that you don’t have control of un-wanted complements. In the case of whistling, you can’t control it by dressing differently, or acting differently, because fundamentally it is not about how you dress or act: remember, here is guy who just wanted you to acknowledge that he exists: that isn’t really about you at all – it’s about him and how he feels about himself. Why in the world is it my obligation to stroke a stranger’s ego? I am past the age where I get noticed by men, but back in the day, unsolicited comments were met either with a rude response or I pretended I didn’t hear them. Why? Because I had no idea of what the guy’s true intentions were and I had no intention of ending up a victim of some sort. YMMV (and obviously does…) ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/28 "2013-05-10T02:04:34Z")
> [@colander](#): > > Maybe _I’m_ wrong, but probably these guys aren’t bothering much with you, right? So I am a little confused as to why you think you would necessarily ever notice it. You don’t notice things that go on around you unless they involve you? I guess I’m not that self centered. I’ve stated already, I think this is rude, so I don’t do it, and I can be pretty coarse. If I ever was going to do it, I’d at least do it your face, not behind your back where most of it comes from. And the guys who go beyond and start making motions and other loud noises piss me off because I wouldn’t want people to treat me that way. But most of the time if it’s just a whistle, it’s just a dumb guys’ way of being complimentary. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/29 "2013-05-10T02:09:18Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > Notice him That’s all. And it’s a big enough gift that any kind of price is worth it. > > The ‘bitch’ is unexcusable though. If the gift isn’t freely given, it has no value anyway. > > In 1983 I heard two young women discussing the question. One felt complemented and affirmed by whistlers. The other felt insulted. Of course, this is true of any complement: any complement from a person of low status is an insult, so I can say that both recognised the complement, but reacted differently to it. > > Your reaction is partly in your own control: learning to accept un-wanted complements gracefully is a valuable social skill: it makes you a nicer and happier person. It’s not just whistling either: it’s the same skill as knowing how to gracefully turn down unwanted promotions at work. > > Another valuable attribute is learning that you don’t have control of un-wanted complements. In the case of whistling, you can’t control it by dressing differently, or acting differently, because fundamentally it is not about how you dress or act: remember, here is guy who just wanted you to acknowledge that he exists: that isn’t really about you at all – it’s about him and how he feels about himself. I’m sorry, but this entire response makes me feel like I need a shower. Women aren’t required to notice a man just because he whistles at us like you would a dog. We’re not out walking around to give him a “gift” of noticing him. If it isn’t about me and it’s about him and how he feels about himself maybe he should learn to use his words and speak like a normal person and talk to people as people instead of grunting out signs and whistles like a parakeet. Better yet, perhaps he should see a therapist who might make him feel better about himself so he doesn’t need his existence verified by a stranger on the street. The fact that you’re saying the woman not accepting gracefully is the one who needs to learn the valuable social skill while making excuses for the person who can’t communicate properly like an adult is even more disturbing. No I can’t control the idiot who whistles by acting or dressing different but acknowledging him is only reinforcing the idea that his boorish behavior works. I don’t care if he needs validation, maybe if people ignored him he’d have to learn to earn validation and not expect it to be given to him by strange women on the street. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/30 "2013-05-10T02:22:22Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > You don’t notice things that go on around you unless they involve you? I guess I’m not that self centered. **Tripolar** , even neglecting the fact that of course you cannot possibly notice everything or even a large fraction of everything that anyone else says and does around you in crowded environments, generally _people don’t generally do this when there are a lot of other people around to hear them_. > [@](#): > > I’ve stated already, I think this is rude, so I don’t do it, and I can be pretty coarse. If I ever was going to do it, I’d at least do it your face, not behind your back where most of it comes from. And the guys who go beyond and start making motions and other loud noises piss me off because I wouldn’t want people to treat me that way. But most of the time if it’s just a whistle, it’s just a dumb guys’ way of being complimentary. Yeah, well, a lot of them stop being so complimentary after they feel like they’ve been snubbed by the objects of their compliments. Believe it or not. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/31 "2013-05-10T02:33:27Z")
> [@colander](#): > > **Tripolar** , even neglecting the fact that of course you cannot possibly notice everything or even a large fraction of everything that anyone else says and does around you in crowded environments, generally _people don’t generally do this when there are a lot of other people around to hear them_. I cannot deny that I do not notice things that happen when I’m not there, and it’s true that I don’t get any wolf whistles from strange women, or any at all from men that I’ve noticed. But it’s done plenty of times in crowded places. Now if you’re telling me this has happened a lot to women who are alone, then I don’t disagree with what you are saying about it, and I think that’s creepy, and if I did see that happen I’d do something about it. I’m sorry if you’ve had experiences like that. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/32 "2013-05-10T02:41:05Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > I cannot deny that I do not notice things that happen when I’m not there, and it’s true that I don’t get any wolf whistles from strange women, or any at all from men that I’ve noticed. But it’s done plenty of times in crowded places. Now if you’re telling me this has happened a lot to women who are alone, then I don’t disagree with what you are saying about it, and I think that’s creepy, and if I did see that happen I’d do something about it. Dude, I’m not saying you see it all the time and let it happen (and there’s not really anything that could do about it anyway that wouldn’t make the situation more tense). I’m saying it could happen right in front of you and you wouldn’t necessarily hear the whole thing unless you were close enough to the people involved to hear any words that pass between them. I’ve only seen it happen to someone else once, and that’s only because I was walking right behind them. It has happened to me considerably more than once, but not typically during peak street traffic hours. > [@](#): > > I’m sorry if you’ve had experiences like that. The majority of women alive have had many such experiences. Ask around and you might be surprised what they’ll tell you. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/33 "2013-05-10T02:42:41Z")
It’s a kind of a compliment but a message that the \*man \*is cheap. I have never and would never do it, at least not to a stranger; only to someone I know as humor, satirizing the cheap behavior. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/34 "2013-05-10T02:43:50Z")
> [@colander](#): > > Dude, I’m not saying you see it all the time and let it happen. I’m saying it could happen right in front of you and you wouldn’t necessarily hear the whole thing unless you were close enough to the people involved to hear any words that pass between them. We’re talking about whistling not words. I already stated my opinion on what happens when there’s more than a whistle involved. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/35 "2013-05-10T03:01:31Z")
Long ago and far away I kinda liked it. Then I fell in with a feminist crowd and learned that I wasn’t supposed to like it. Then I worked my way through that biology vs. idiology mess. Only took me about a quarter of a century. And by then hardly anyone was doing it anymore. Imagine my surprise on my fiftieth birthday, and first visit to Mexico, to discover those guys are whistling fools. Didn’t know what to make of it and wrote it off to a cultural experience. In general these days I avoid contact with strangers unless my intuition tells me that there’s a need for my help. I’m more apt to initiate that myself and am much more cautious than I used to be. I’m perfectly complimented by a friendly smile. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/36 "2013-05-10T03:08:52Z")
> [@Tethered\_Kite](#): > > I’m perfectly complimented by a friendly smile. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![stoplight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@stoplight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stoplight)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/37 "2013-05-10T03:11:19Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Ah, she’s asking for it because she’s wearing a skirt, tube top, bikini or something equally fetching. Gotcha. Wait… women in dirty sweats, scrubs, or pant suits but who are blond, redheaded, raven-haired, busty, hippy, blue-eyed, green-eyed, brown-eyed, long-legged, or pretty, they’re asking for it too, right? Just askin’… lets see..you left out homeless toothless crackheads, bag ladies, the elderly and worn out hookers. Implied in the OP question was, all things being equal, the whistle is a compliment. Some gals can carry the dirty sweats look, while most cannot. But I imagine should that gal get the whistle its because she is put together. while a toothless crackhead wearing the same dirty sweats may not. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/38 "2013-05-10T03:16:10Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > We’re talking about whistling not words. At this point I am not quite sure what you are talking about, but from the beginning of this discussion, _I_ have been talking about a hostile word or action from a whistler after a whistle is ignored. > [@](#): > > I already stated my opinion on what happens when there’s more than a whistle involved. So your opinion about what happens when there’s both a whistle and an insult involved is that there must have been some kind of misconduct or unintentional passive “bitchiness” on the part of the woman because nobody gentlemanly enough to proffer a kind whistle would possibly be the sort of person who becomes angry when ignored, is that correct? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/39 "2013-05-10T03:24:57Z")
> [@colander](#): > > So your opinion about what happens when there’s both a whistle and an insult involved is that there must be some kind of misconduct on the part of the woman because nobody gentlemanly enough to proffer a kind whistle would possibly be the kind of person who becomes angry when ignored, is that correct? No. Anything else? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2013, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935/40 "2013-05-10T03:38:33Z")
I find it crass and I don’t appreciate it. I find it no better than cat-calling. I once had some really skeevy looking guy whistle at me from his car – when I was _fifteen_. When I was walking down the street with my sister. Who was _eight_. I gave him the finger. Ugh. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whistling-at-women/657935.md?page=3)