# White people: do you have black friends? (and vice versa) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 1, 2006, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844 "2006-08-01T04:47:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/21 "2006-08-01T13:13:25Z")
> [@RSSchen](#): > > Now, and I hate to say this, but, had I been met with “ghetto talk” or the like upon our first meeting, I doubt I’d love her as much. A person just has to be an equal for a friendship to thrive. I’m not trying to start anything, honestly, but frankly I’m curious. How do you think she’d react to hearing you say that it’s a good thing she isn’t one of those “ghetto talking” black people or else you guys wouldn’t be friends? That sounds like something Johnny and Sally might say on the [blackpeopleloveus.com](http://blackpeopleloveus.com) site. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/22 "2006-08-01T13:17:18Z")
To answer the OP: I currently have one white friend. He’s my ex-boyfriend and I love him (platonically). I’ve had a few other white friends over the course of my life, but have lost touch with them due to distance and other things. I’ve never had a close white girlfriend, though. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/23 "2006-08-01T13:22:34Z")
I live in a city that is about 2/3rds black, and I have ZERO black friends. Some black acquaintances, but no one that I know well enough to even invite to my house. There are several mixed-race neighborhoods, but Baltimore can be pretty segregated, geographically and culturally. Most of my friends are from my area. There are few black employees where I work (none on my floor), so none of my work friends are black. It’s not like I roll into other parts of the city and ask people to be my friend. Where I live, Hopkins is to the east. To the south is more whites & then a non-residential area. To the north is a very fancy, very white part of the city. To the west is a large black part of town, but it’s separated from where I live by an interstate and a stream and those tend to keep things separated. Things here (movie theaters, bars, restaurants, pools, parks) seem to hit a tipping point of either white or black, and then that’s it. They become 100% one way or the other. Of course there are plenty of exceptions, but there’s also a lot of. . .I don’t even know what to call it. . .segregation by choice or something. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/24 "2006-08-01T13:34:41Z")
In the fairly large company where I work, I can only think of five or six black people I see in passing. I know one pretty well for acquaintances; he’s the IT guy. You can’t help but get to know him if you’ve been there any length of time. The others I only pass in the hallways or the lobby, and we say hi. The GM of our division is black, but you don’t go hang out with the GM. This is really pushing it, but I know some bus drivers who have driven the routes I take, but not by their names. Sorry, I guess I don’t know any other black folks at this time. It’s not on purpose! “I had to tell a black guy who Barry White was.” I love it. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/25 "2006-08-01T13:37:52Z")
Yes, I have lots of white friends. Just a consequence of of the area I live in. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/26 "2006-08-01T13:51:52Z")
This is weird for me living outside the US. I live in a very multicultural, melting pot kinda country, much like the US, but the ratios are different. We don’t have such a clearly defined black/white thing. Or, more to the point, we don’t have a dominant ethnic majority and then a large minority of one group dominant over others. My friends are more non-white than white (I’m a white guy). This is not because I’m cooler than thou, but because of the fall of the dice. Our minority groups are more fragmented here in Australia, and cohesion is a little better as a result (though it still rears its ugly head on occasion). So we haven’t done better that the US, but we might be a bit luckier maybe. As a rough comparison, I could say that for “black” in America, substitute “SE Asian” here (these folks represent the minority most apparent when Americans get off the plane in Sydney), and for “Hispanic” substitute “Mediterranean/Middle Eastern”. My close friends (offline) are: Vietnamese woman White Australian guys Uruguayan guy White Australian women Iranian Kurdish guy Indian woman Englishman Hong Kong Chinese woman Vietnamese man Turkish man So, as I said, this is not because I’m wonderful and PC. It just seems to happen here. The US experience sadddens me a bit , especially because it seems not for want of trying on the part of the decent people there. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/27 "2006-08-01T13:53:59Z")
“cohesion is a little better as a result (though it still rears its ugly head on occasion).” Yes, coheson is terrible. I did, of course, mean to say, “racism still rears its ugly head on occasion.” ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/28 "2006-08-01T14:01:57Z")
I don’t have any black friends – that is those I hang out with regularly. But then my circle of close friends is miniscule, so this is statistically predictable. I’ve worked with enough black people and without fail they’ve all been great to work with and fun to be around, so it’s not a matter of having anything against blacks (or anyone else as far as that goes), but I’m pretty private and my topics of interest tend to deviate from norm most of the time so on a purely social level I rarely connect with _anyone_ enough to become close friends. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/29 "2006-08-01T14:03:33Z")
Do spouses count as buddies? If so, **auntie em** is mine. I’m white, she’s black, and most of my best and oldest friends are of Indian or Asian heritage. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/30 "2006-08-01T14:11:43Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > I live in a city that is about 2/3rds black, and I have ZERO black friends. Some black acquaintances, but no one that I know well enough to even invite to my house. > > There are several mixed-race neighborhoods, but Baltimore can be pretty segregated, geographically and culturally. Most of my friends are from my area. There are few black employees where I work (none on my floor), so none of my work friends are black. It’s not like I roll into other parts of the city and ask people to be my friend. > > Where I live, Hopkins is to the east. To the south is more whites & then a non-residential area. To the north is a very fancy, very white part of the city. To the west is a large black part of town, but it’s separated from where I live by an interstate and a stream and those tend to keep things separated. > > Things here (movie theaters, bars, restaurants, pools, parks) seem to hit a tipping point of either white or black, and then that’s it. They become 100% one way or the other. > > Of course there are plenty of exceptions, but there’s also a lot of. . .I don’t even know what to call it. . .segregation by choice or something. This is a very, very accurate description of Baltimore, and the surrounding county (where Weirddave and I live). I have a very close girlfriend who is black, but I haven’t really got any other black friends. Oddly enough, most of my friends are immigrants like I am. Singaporean and a few British, and then a large group of Canadians. ---
**Author:** ![MizGrand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cdc98d/32.png) [@MizGrand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MizGrand)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/31 "2006-08-01T14:23:50Z")
> [@you with the face](#): > > I’m not trying to start anything, honestly, but frankly I’m curious. How do you think she’d react to hearing you say that it’s a good thing she isn’t one of those “ghetto talking” black people or else you guys wouldn’t be friends? > > That sounds like something Johnny and Sally might say on the [blackpeopleloveus.com](http://blackpeopleloveus.com) site. She plays with me by using it. I’m not sorry that I happen to think less of ANY person when they don’t care enough to present themselves in an intelligent manner. I just don’t happen to find street talk terribly intelligent sounding. My DH grew up in Oakland with mostly all black or latino friends. When we first met he spoke in such a way that made him sound immature and uneducated. Frankly, I’m surprised at myself for initiating the relationship, but he was/is a good man and grew out of the phase. I doubt highly that my friend would be surprised at all to hear of this quirk of mine. Like I said, she sometimes teases me with it, only to get a rise out of me. It’s a standing joke. Now that’s she and I are both older, it rarely comes out of the bag anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/32 "2006-08-01T14:24:11Z")
I’ve always lived in places where most folks are some variation of brown, not white, so for the first half of my life almost everbody I knew who wasn’t related to me was black, or hispanic or asian, mostly. Now I don’t know many people full stop, but since I met most of the ones I do know on the internet, most of them are white, aside from my boyfriend and a few non-locals. Which is odd, because I live in the most ethnically diverse city in the nation. But I’m also, well, queer, and most of those diverse nationalities represented also tend to be kind of old school religious. When I was attending services at a local Episcopalian church for a little while, I quickly made friends, and nobody else there was white either. But I lost religion again myself, so here I am. I don’t have any friends that I hang out with on a regular basis in person, anyhow. A couple I see once every few months, that’s it. ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/33 "2006-08-01T14:26:21Z")
> [@RSSchen](#): > > She plays with me by using it. I’m not sorry that I happen to think less of ANY person when they don’t care enough to present themselves in an intelligent manner. Why is your way of speaking intelligent and their way of speaking stupid? ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/34 "2006-08-01T14:28:49Z")
I have a few but not very many. I’m pretty friendly with some of my neighbors who are Black and have hung out with a few of them but other than that not really. Most of my friends are white, South Asian, and East Asian. My wife’s friends fall into the same category with more East Asian friends. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/35 "2006-08-01T14:58:13Z")
> [@Ensign Edison](#): > > Why is your way of speaking intelligent and their way of speaking stupid? I know I’m going to regret getting involved in this, but are you serious? You don’t think mispronounciation and poor grammar sound less intelligent? Really? ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/36 "2006-08-01T15:04:55Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > I know I’m going to regret getting involved in this, but are you serious? You don’t think mispronounciation and poor grammar sound less intelligent? Really? Mispronounced according to whom? Whose grammar? You don’t think those things are Laws of Nature carved into stone somewhere, do you? Do you actually believe those people are less intelligent than you are? RSSchen clearly does, or anyway she thinks they are inferior to her because they’re not lining up to talk like her and her friends. Do you agree with her that people who speak that way are not “equal” (her word) to you, and not worthy of your (again her word) “love”? ---
**Author:** ![MizGrand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cdc98d/32.png) [@MizGrand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MizGrand)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/37 "2006-08-01T15:04:45Z")
> [@Ensign Edison](#): > > Why is your way of speaking intelligent and their way of speaking stupid? Well, I know how to enunciate and spell all of the words I choose to use. I know their meanings and can carry on a conversation with other adults without having to use a lot of filler words. Haven’t we done this before? Let’s please not revisit. ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/38 "2006-08-01T15:08:04Z")
> [@RSSchen](#): > > Well, I know how to enunciate and spell all of the words I choose to use. I know their meanings and can carry on a conversation with other adults without having to use a lot of filler words. > Haven’t we done this before? Let’s please not revisit. You brought it up. If you don’t want to talk about things, you should try not to mention them. Otherwise it looks like you’re trying to get out of accountability for your statements. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/39 "2006-08-01T15:09:53Z")
> [@RSSchen](#): > > I’m not sorry that I happen to think less of ANY person when they don’t care enough to present themselves in an intelligent manner. I think it is interesting you feel the need to state this. Who is asking you to be sorry about something so noncontroversial? I’m willing to bet that most people here who’ve said they have black friends value the same thing. “Now if my white boyfriend smelled of week-old BO and had a head full of lice, I wouldn’t have been with him.” “I’m not sorry that I happen to think less of ANY person when they don’t care enough to wash their ass.” Isn’t it weird to see caveats like these? Yours are no less weird. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844/40 "2006-08-01T15:18:43Z")
> [@TheLoadedDog](#): > > This is weird for me living outside the US. I live in a very multicultural, melting pot kinda country, much like the US, but the ratios are different. We don’t have such a clearly defined black/white thing. Or, more to the point, we don’t have a dominant ethnic majority and then a large minority of one group dominant over others. Actually, this isn’t accurate for the US, either. According to the 2004 census, the US is about 80% white, 13% black or African-American and 14% Latino or Hispanic. (The latter group gets excluded from the general census because you can be black and Latino or white and Latino or Asian and Latino…whatever.) [wiki link.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racial_demographics_of_the_United_States) Anyway, yes, I have a couple black friends. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-people-do-you-have-black-friends-and-vice-versa/366844.md?page=3)