# White Whale of cooking. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 1, 2014, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079 "2014-12-01T22:24:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2014, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/1 "2014-12-01T22:24:04Z")
Skillet fried potatoes. Damn I wish I could get them right, but I seem destined for failure. I have been trying for years, with only less than moderate success and never constancy at even that level. My grandma was from a poor German farm family as a kid And that meant fried potatoes. Most breakfasts, and a lot of dinners. Most of her meals, There it was literally on the back burner; a cast iron skillet with potatoes cut in some manner. Sometimes waxy, sometimes starchy, sometime big, sometimes small, sometimes sliced, sometimes cubed, sometimes wedges. Sometimes in bacon grease, sometimes shortening, sometime butter, sometimes olive oil. Sometimes alone, sometimes onions, or garlic, or green pepper or chilis. Sometimes only salt an pepper, sometimes rosemary, sometimes thyme, sometimes a dozen different spices. And I never paid any freaking attention. It was so boring and seemed so simple, throw fat in pan, throw randomly cut potatoes in pan, move pan around once in a while, throw in other stuff, when everything else is done dump into serving bowl. Yummy, creamy center, crispy, crunchy brown crust so good, so easy. Except it is not easy. It is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do in a kitchen. Raw mealy center? that easy. Pile of pale, limp, greasy starch? Also easy. Hard, Carbonized, black shell around potato dust? easiest of all. Luke cold, uninteresting chunks that finish 20 minutes after the rest of the meal? No sweat. Every type of pan, failure. Every internet expert’s double top secret method, disappointment. This thread is not to solicit advice on pan potatoes. This thread is to join me wallowing in misery about the stuff you can’t get right. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2014, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/2 "2014-12-01T22:42:47Z")
Oh. Cuz I can totally do German fried potatoes so good they’ll make you weep. But if that’s not what you’re after… ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2014, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/3 "2014-12-01T22:45:24Z")
Heh. My Oma and mother both were well schooled in potatoes, although they usually took the form of grated potato pancakes, with added extras such as apples and leeks. I never could make them like I tasted as as a kid. You specifically said you weren’t soliciting pan potato cooking advice, so I won’t go there. Consider for a moment oven-fried potatoes (or just about any vegetable, actually.) Dead fucking easy. Pre-heat oven to400-450. Slice potatoes (or other vegetables.) Dump into a plastic bag with a glug or two of olive oil or fat of your choice. Also salt, pepper and whatever spices. Shake to get everything covered. Spread out on baking pan and stick in oven for 20-40 minutes until that shit is crispy and delicious. Remove and eat. You are welcome. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2014, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/4 "2014-12-01T22:50:11Z")
You know what I can’t do right? Operate the controller on my ps4. Too many damn buttons and combinations. It’s the same reason I gave up trying to play guitar, my hands couldn’t do it. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/5 "2014-12-01T22:54:27Z")
Sukiyaki. Hard to round up the correct stuff, and hard to make it taste like it should. Of course, I’ve only tried it once. Failed hard. Not going back there. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2014, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/6 "2014-12-01T23:15:30Z")
I, um, agree with this thread? My ex wife used to keep a couple cans of [Sliced New Potatoes](http://www.delmonte.com/assets/0/80/81/100/104/106/1cceec20-71c5-4398-b988-1d4fa799be86.png?n=8366&width=370&height=370&crop=false) around. From time to time she’d fry them up in a pan with some oil, random seasonings and we’d eat them with ketchup as side or even just as lunch if we were bored or just needed a snack. Once in a while I’d try and they’d almost always end up undercooked, overcooked or usually stuck to the bottom (and undercooked). FTR, I like to think I’m decent at cooking, but I could never quite get these. After we split I tried making them a few more times but eventually retired the idea. It’s just one of those things that she did a really good job at that isn’t even worth me trying. Why spend 15 minutes for something that’s going to be _maybe_ edible. ---
**Author:** ![Uniqueorn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uniqueorn/32/2807_2.png) [@Uniqueorn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uniqueorn)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/7 "2014-12-02T00:04:24Z")
German fried potatoes are easy. My white whale is gluten free pizza dough. I tried different flours, different recipes, nothing that resembles pizza. But I will continue, though it may be my undoing! ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/8 "2014-12-02T00:41:36Z")
> [@Uniqueorn](#): > > German fried potatoes are easy. My white whale is gluten free pizza dough. I tried different flours, different recipes, nothing that resembles pizza. But I will continue, though it may be my undoing! Isn’t that like saying I am going to continue to try and make scrambled tofu taste like scrambled eggs? ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/9 "2014-12-02T00:44:08Z")
I am lacking the omelette gene. I just… can’t. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/10 "2014-12-02T00:50:39Z")
I can cook virtually anything, except pinto beans. My husband’s mother is Mexican. He grew up with aunts and cousins and everyone, apparently, having a pot of pinto beans on the stove. It doesn’t sound hard. Beans, water, onion. Garlic. With pork. Without pork. No matter what I do, somehow, it isn’t how he remembers. Stupid beans. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/11 "2014-12-02T00:54:06Z")
For me it’s Hollandaise. Which is my all time favorite sauce, of course. I’ve tried everything, I swear, and I can’t bear the Knorr packet version. :sigh: In general though, a good rule of thumb is that if you just absolutely can not make something taste like your Grandmother’s did, then you either need shortening or lard. Both are seldom used today, and the oils we substitute simply don’t cut it. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/12 "2014-12-02T00:58:29Z")
Getting pizza dough from the board onto the pizza pan. Folded up mess that can’t be unfolded, stuck to some surface or another. Stupid pizza; who wants it anyway. . .::kicks rock:: ---
**Author:** ![No\_umlaut\_for\_U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@No\_umlaut\_for\_U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_umlaut_for_U)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/13 "2014-12-02T01:25:49Z")
Pie crust. I think my hands are too warm. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/14 "2014-12-02T01:31:49Z")
Ever tried to make your own [jiaozi](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jiaozi) and fry them in sesame oil without scalding them or undercooking them? I swear they have a “done correctly” time of 10 seconds or less. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/15 "2014-12-02T05:40:37Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > For me it’s Hollandaise. Which is my all time favorite sauce, of course. I’ve tried everything, I swear, and I can’t bear the Knorr packet version. > > :sigh: > … Have you tried the blender method? > **[Julia Child's Easy Blender Hollandaise Sauce](https://toriavey.com/julia-childs-easy-blender-hollandaise-sauce/)** > > Hollandaise sauce made in the blender with egg yolks, lemon juice, and butter. Inspired by Julia Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking." ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/16 "2014-12-02T06:07:28Z")
Baking is my downfall. I can make very good pizza, a passable loaf of soft white sandwich bread, cookies and cakes, but for the life of me I can’t make good baguettes or crusty French bread or even good sub/hoagie rolls. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will need to go to the bakery at least once a week for the remainder of my time here on earth. ---
**Author:** ![TheTerribleTako](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba8739/32.png) [@TheTerribleTako](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheTerribleTako)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/17 "2014-12-02T07:03:59Z")
Biscuits seem like they would be easy to make, but for some reason, every time I attempt to make biscuits, I either end up with hockey pucks or random crumbly piles on a pan. It’s probably over mixing, bad recipes, or improperly chilled butter, or possibly all three. Next time I fail at biscuits, I’m just going to take a knife and hack it up while yelling “I stab at thee!” ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/18 "2014-12-02T07:55:53Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > Skillet fried potatoes. Roast Beef will solve all your potato needs: > **[The joys of home fries and wine](https://www.salon.com/2007/04/10/achewood_excerpt/)** > > Two characters from "The Achewood Cookbook" offer recipes and their opinions about fine food and drink. Bon appetit! And, if you keep reading, Ray Smuckles will tell a dude how you gotta enjoy wine. Yeah, I know you didn’t ask, but I love Achewood and Roast Beef’s instructions for trusting yourself when you’re frying are spot on. Probably the hardest thing for me is a bechamel sauce. I know, it should be basic, but I just get all tense about it. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/19 "2014-12-02T08:09:15Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Oh. Cuz I can totally do German fried potatoes so good they’ll make you weep. But if that’s not what you’re after… I’m not the OP, and I would love to read all about them… ---
**Author:** ![Uniqueorn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uniqueorn/32/2807_2.png) [@Uniqueorn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uniqueorn)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079/20 "2014-12-02T12:06:28Z")
> [@Uniqueorn](#): > > German fried potatoes are easy. My white whale is gluten free pizza dough. I tried different flours, different recipes, nothing that resembles pizza. But I will continue, though it may be my undoing!] QUOTE=CarnalK;17941695]Isn’t that like saying I am going to continue to try and make scrambled tofu taste like scrambled eggs? [/QUOTE] The ingredients are the same, except for the gluten, so it should be possible, especially since I had a delicious gluten-free pizza once. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/white-whale-of-cooking/706079.md?page=2)