# Whitetho - What, you gotta be fucking Columbo?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [December 15, 1999, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401 "1999-12-15T16:15:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)
#### Post date: [December 16, 1999, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/41 "1999-12-16T22:59:00Z")
Why I’m stepping into this, I don’t know, except that it’s so high school I can hardly stand it.
Do those of you who are friends of Satan’s and Drain’s imagine that those of us who are not (meaning, are neutral or don’t know them, not meaning dislike them) somehow cannot read? This is a message board, for God’s sake, with 3500 people registered to it. So like half-a-dozen of you post wink-wink, nudge-nudge, teasing posts that essentially amount to “we know something YOOUUUU don’t know!” and then you get pissed if someone not in your little clique lets the rest of us (the hoi polloi) know what the hell you’re talking about.
The whole “I’ve got a secret!” thing wasn’t in the greatest taste, and it wasn’t started by whitetho. Drain and Satan, if you really didn’t want your friends to start teasing you in a way almost guaranteed to lead to your being “outed,” then you should have told them to shut the hell up about it. Maybe you did, I don’t know. But count me among those who wish you the best but really feel you’ve over-reacted.
* * *
Jodi
_Fiat Justitia_
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### Author:  [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/42 "1999-12-17T00:37:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Maybe you did, I don’t know.
Exactly. I did. You didn’t know. And yet you spewed two paragraphs of completely uninformed crap and not-so-thinly-veiled insults right out of your ass before realizing that you have no clue whether or not you were justified in saying any of it. Which, of course, you weren’t. But I’m beginning to learn that doesn’t matter much around here.
And Jodi, seriously, if it’s so “high school,” as you say, then why did you join in the fray?
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### Author:  [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/43 "1999-12-17T00:38:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Not having seen the thread(s) in question, how did Whitetho find out in the first place?
> [@](#):
>
> AFAIK, Whitetho went around the board and read a bunch of flirty jokes from Brian directed at me…
…one of which, I blush to admit, I had just called to everyone’s attention.
FWIW, I didn’t know that my hunch was correct, let alone that you wanted things kept quiet. But it was still none of my damn business. Please accept my apology.
* * *
\\| |/
=== '\>
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### Author:  [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/44 "1999-12-17T01:04:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Exactly. I did. You didn’t know.
As I said. And how could I? Like every other poster on this Board, I can only read what is in fact posted. If you asked your friends to lighten up and they didn’t, why aren’t you mad at them about it? Maybe you are – again, I don’t know. But you’ll forgive me if I base my opinions on what you post as opposed to what you don’t.
> [@](#):
>
> And yet you spewed two paragraphs of completely uninformed crap and not-so-thinly-veiled insults right out of your ass before realizing that you have no clue whether or not you were justified in saying any of it.
What? Down, girl! My “crap” is as informed as everyone else’s, in that I post based on what I read. Your friends were making thinly veiled coy references to Satan’s budding romance with another poster in such a way that it was almost inevitable that someone would spill the beans. Do you deny this? If not, how come you’re mad at whitetho for being the bean-spiller and not mad at the people whose posts led up to that?
Please re-read my post; there’s no express or implied insult in it – I don’t know you well enough to even guess how to successfully insult you, if such were my goal, which it’s not. You are not however, changing my opinion that there’s been a tad bit of over-reaction here.
> [@](#):
>
> And Jodi, seriously, if it’s so “high school,” as you say, then why did you join in the fray?
Because it bugs me to see a cliquish little group of people making in-jokes in a group at large that they must know will not understand them, and therefore will feel left out, and it further bugs me that if someone actually (intentionally or not) lets the rest of us in on the “secret,” you go ape-shit on him and give a pass to your friends who did everything but put it in ten-foot neon letters.
For the record, I’m not justifying what he said about the _chances_ for your relationship, which was small and petty of him to do, but considering that _several_ people had alluded to it previously, maybe he just didn’t know that the subject was off-limits.
Feel free to find “not-so-thinly-veiled insults” in this post as well, if you want. For my part, I can understand your pique and will therefore continue to be civil to you, though as you’ve gathered I can’t say I agree 100% with your reaction.
* * *
Jodi
_Fiat Justitia_
---
### Author:  [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/45 "1999-12-17T03:15:00Z")
Strictly my two-bits:
There’s a fine line in a public venue, which this is, between public knowledge and customary human interactions. I was one of the people who posted a tongue-in-cheek response to the OP, along the lines of a teasing offer as a sounding board for any intimate, tawdry details that Satan and his “unknown” might want to share.
I also apologized for inadvertantly feeding something that turned nasty. And no, I had no idea as to Satan’s love interest, and am way too outside of any clique to know. Knowing his corrosive disillusionment with The Bitch Who Shan’t Be Named, and his disappointment about his trip being cancelled, I was just happy that something good and positive might be happening.
But no matter what was shared before, and the public nature of the venue, that doesn’t translate into a license to tromp into anyone’s private life. One open door doesn’t mean an invitation to move into the whole damned house and make the place your own.
No, this isn’t legislated but it _is_ a matter of courtesy and respect. Neither Drain Bead nor Satan deserved the invasion into their private lives. (I use their SD names deliberately.) What they choose to share is up to them.
Their privacy was violated. No, it probably won’t turn into a lasting offense. (I hope.) But it was not well done.
That’s my take on it.
Veb
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### Author:  [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/46 "1999-12-17T03:27:00Z")
Drain, forgive me. I was in the process of composing my thoughts while you posted yours. I didn’t “fucking ignore” your post, which was directly above mine. Nor am I incapable of comprehending basic English. I understood it the first time you posted it, just as I understand it now, the seventeenth time you’ve posted it.
In case I am NOT clear on what has transpired, though, let me re-cap. Provided, of course, my pea brain can handle all this at one time:
Our heroine, Drain Bead, came to our hero, Satan’s, aid after he was unceremoniously dumped by another poster, who will henceforth be known as "fuckface. Anyway, while comforting our distressed hero over fuckface’s impending betrothal to another hapless male, our hero and heroine developed “feelings” for each other (wink,wink).
Anyway, (enter ominous dark clouds) things were going along dreamily, until the demonic villain, Whitetho (not to be confused with our demonic HERO), made the UNFORGIVABLE error of reporting to us all that Satan and Drain were an “item.” Oh, the inhumanity!! In addition to this, Whitetho made an impolite joke about their budding relationship. (Though, in Whitetho’s defense, the words “re-bound” never passed his lips.)
Needless to say, our hero was so GREATLY angered over this…this…this reporting of the TRUTH that he immediately mounted his white steed (Oooh! Visuals!) and defended his new lady’s honour. (Though, for the record, I’ve never met a lady who used THAT sort of language!) He slayed the dastardly villain with his rapier-like tongue. Then Drain kicked Whitetho repeatedly in the virtual groin for this gross violation of her anonymity, this electronic raping of her privacy. Satan, ever the master of his emotions, then opened a new thread and vilifed our villain once again, declaring that he wanted his relationship with Drain to be private!! DAMMIT!
And because no punishment can be too harsh for gossiping about his girlfriend (well, his current one, anyway. Former ones are fair game.), Satan strode over to Great Debates where he crucified Whitetho ONCE AGAIN, (and, incidentally, ignoring the idiom to not beat a dead Whitetho. :)) He called Whitetho every horrible name in the book: “Fucking Columbo!”, “Asswipe” “Moron” “Idiot!” “Have you _ever_ said anything worthwhile?”
The melee continued when a couple of innocent bystanders pointed out (correctly) that our hero and heroine may have over-reacted _just_ a tad.
Now the innocent bystanders are cowering in the corner (and waving gleefully, btw, exasperating our heroine even more), waiting for their turn at the unofficial Straight Dope firing squad, where the riotous crowd will disembowel them in effigy for having the AUDACITY to call a spade a spade…
The END,(or don’t we all wish?)
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### Author:  [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/47 "1999-12-17T03:55:00Z")
I like Santa’s post in this thread. That’s the kind of Santa _I’d_ like to be.
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### Author:  [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/48 "1999-12-17T06:23:00Z")
I’m sorry, I know I just shouldn’t say this but uh, PunditLisa? That was one of the most sarcastically acerbic posts I have ever read! I, again, don’t want to put anyone down but God damn it, her post was really funny! X-mas cheer all around!
* * *
Best!
Byz
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### Author:  [@Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Thin_Skin)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/49 "1999-12-17T13:43:00Z")
You know, this is like the story of The Emperor’s New Cloths. S and DB are strolling thought his domain SDMB (Satan’s Domain Message Board), thinking about having a relationship. Most all the subjects know they’re going to be an item. Whitetho, knowing he’s playing the part of the kid, says “Hey they’re an item.” In a departure from the story, the Lord of the domain has the kid executed. And they lived happly ever after.
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### Author:  [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/50 "1999-12-17T14:11:00Z")
PunditLisa - I like Satan and Drain, but I gotta say. . . .
Damn girl! :::applause::: :::applause:::
(JMHO - The proportion of this blowjob crashed through the roof a few dozen posts ago.)
* * *
\>^,^\<
KITTEN
Fluff yer hair Beula, I’s feelin frisky - M.S.
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/51 "1999-12-17T14:48:00Z")
Falcon,its really arg,isn’t it?
😉
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### Author:  [@Spiritus\_Mundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiritus_Mundi)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/52 "1999-12-17T16:28:00Z")
I know none of the principals involved in this discussion. Weeks ago I made it known to Satan that I did not feel it apropriate for him to share another person’s private correspondence on this board. He did not seem to agree with my position.
I wonder how he feels about the issue now?
BTW. I do not know PunditLisa either, but I am going to try hard not to piss her off.
* * *
-
The best lack all conviction
The worst are full of passionate intensity.
\*
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### Author:  [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/53 "1999-12-17T17:51:00Z")
PUNDITLISA – Damn, girl, now I have nothing to add. 🙂
* * *
Jodi
_Fiat Justitia_
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### Author:  [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/54 "1999-12-17T17:51:00Z")
PUNDITLISA – Damn, girl, now I have nothing to add. 🙂
* * *
Jodi
_Fiat Justitia_
---
### Author:  [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/55 "1999-12-17T17:51:00Z")
PUNDITLISA – Damn, girl, now I have nothing to add. 🙂
* * *
Jodi
_Fiat Justitia_
---
### Author:  [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/56 "1999-12-17T17:54:00Z")
Whoa – As God is my witness, I only pushed the button once. Moderator!!! _Moderator!!!_
* * *
Jodi
_Fiat Justitia_
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### Author:  [@David\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_B)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/57 "1999-12-17T21:28:00Z")
Apparently you had a lot more to add than you thought! 😉
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### Author:  [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)
#### Post date: [December 18, 1999, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/58 "1999-12-18T01:28:00Z")
Do they give Pulitzers for Straight Dope posts? Lisa, I bow before your greatness.
To Satan and Bead I can only say
1. Good luck
2. Get over it
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### Author:  [@Nickrz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nickrz)
#### Post date: [December 19, 1999, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/59 "1999-12-19T15:43:00Z")
Fuckin’ celebrities bitchin’ about the fact they are famous? Cry me a river, baby. It’s your adoring public that feeds your overweening egos and fills that empty gluttonous needhole you call a soul.
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### Author:  [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)
#### Post date: [December 19, 1999, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whitetho-what-you-gotta-be-fucking-columbo/3401/60 "1999-12-19T21:51:00Z")
Dammit!!! Someone PLEASE help me get rid of this mental image of whitetho and Columbo in bed together!?!?!?
* * *
–
Teeming Millions: [http://fathom.org/teemingmillions](http://fathom.org/teemingmillions)
“Meat flaps, yellow!” - DrainBead, naked co-ed Twister chat
O p a l C a t
[www.opalcat.com](http://www.opalcat.com)
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