# Who among you could be The Batman? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 26, 2008, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672 "2008-10-26T20:21:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/41 "2008-10-28T01:50:24Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > What I’d sort of like to see some time is a Batman-like superhero who, despite public appearances, is actually a super-team. You’d have perhaps a half-dozen people, each a world-class expert in their own field of specialization, and which one wore the suit on any given day would depend on the nature of the mission. They’d all be in secure radio communication, of course, and if an unexpected situation came up, the appropriate expert back at headquarters could talk the suit-wearer through it, or possibly even take over portions of the suit via remote control. So, for instance, the cat burgular might break into the computer complex, and then turn over control of the suit cameras and hands to the hacker, who grabs the data off of the computer. > > Meanwhile, of course, nobody would know that it’s a team of people behind the suit, so the hero could build up a Batman-like reputation of being the best there is at everything. If you don’t mind so much about the perception that there is only one person, you should check out the old Mission: Impossible show. 1 Brain 1 Master of Identities 1 Enchantress/con artist 1 Strongman 1 Inventor ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/42 "2008-10-28T01:51:19Z")
> [@](#): > > On the other hand, as Nite Owl you get to boff Silk Spectre. The material in your second link seemed familiar. I checked, and the text in the Watchmen DVD website is copied directly from Wikipedia. [http://www.watchmendvd.com/silk-spectre.php](http://www.watchmendvd.com/silk-spectre.php) > **[Silk Spectre](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silk_Spectre)** > > Silk Spectre is the name of two superheroines in the graphic novel limited series Watchmen, published by DC Comics. Created by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, the original Silk Spectre, Sally "Jupiter" Juspeczyk, was a member of the crimefighting team the Minutemen, while the second, Sally's daughter Laurel "Laurie" Jane Juspeczyk, became a member of the vigilante team Crimebusters, also known as the titular Watchmen. > In the early stages of the series' development, the characters were Charlton Comi... ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/43 "2008-10-28T01:57:28Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > Batman does have Oracle’s resources to call upon; although I don’t know how secret her existence is in the DCU. It’s pretty much not a secret. She might not be public knowledge, but every meta-hero, and at least the meta-criminals she’s dealt with through the Birds, or who have techy gimmicks, know of her existence, though she keeps her identity well hidden - I’m not sure if anyone outside of the Bat-family and Superman know who she is, and at least one one crook (Calculator) was convinced she was a man, despite the feminine name and avatar. And every meta-hero knows how to get hold of her if they need to - anyone who doesn’t have her number has the number of someone who does - and can ask her for help - the Justice League does fairly frequently. And she did tell the Bat to get bent, as did Robin…both of them forgave him, though Oracle didn’t go back to operating out of Gotham - first Metropolis, until Misfit making a big mistake pissed off Superman, now Platinum Flats, California. Tracking the person who was the source of the problem in Metropolis to Platinum Flats was a bigger reason for the move than the pissed off Superman, but that didn’t really help. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/44 "2008-10-28T02:41:28Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > On the one hand, if you’re Batman you get to be bazillionaire. Nite Owl is at best a less-than-20-millionaire. > > On the other hand, as Nite Owl you get to [boff](http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://kungfurodeo.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/silk_spectre.jpg&imgrefurl=http://kungfurodeo.com/2008/03/06/watchmen-movie-costumes-revealed/&h=820&w=540&sz=147&hl=en&start=7&usg=__bqGrPqxJpoZKmngeICJiEbo9qfY=&tbnid=GW2O3RAHnfUbQM:&tbnh=144&tbnw=95&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsilk%2Bspectre%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den) [Silk](http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.watchmendvd.com/images/comp-spectre.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.watchmendvd.com/silk-spectre.php&h=300&w=425&sz=38&hl=en&start=9&usg=__Nshj3cW7XQLd7bZ1rv-Xn5-SpIY=&tbnid=as-79bexo6bELM:&tbnh=89&tbnw=126&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsilk%2Bspectre%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den) Spectre. If you’re Batman you are, basically a monk. And an asshole control freak. And your enemies always come back, as do your dead sidekicks. > > (Third > Similairly stupid costumes either way. Nite Owl, for the win! The movie version of her costume strikes me as similar to the Incredibles uniforms, especially the black boots and long gloves. Coincidence? ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/45 "2008-10-28T02:48:24Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > I could be Batman: > Fabulously wealthy: check > Tall, dark and handsome: check > Super genius: check > Perfect education: check > Mansion with cave underneath: check > Escape artist: check > Super ego: check > Night owl: check > Martial artist virtuoso: check > Absolutely fearless: nope, big chicken. > > So much for that idea. Even if you weren’t a “big chicken,” would you be willing to wear such silly clothes in public? No one would take you seriously, and you’d get nothing done. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/46 "2008-10-28T02:49:13Z")
Not that I’m being picky or anything, but ideally shouldn’t there be silk somewhere on that costume? ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/47 "2008-10-28T14:33:27Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I thought Oracle told him to get bent after War Games. Have I missed something? You’re right; I’m behind the times. Thanks to **Tengu** for the catch-up. > [@Terrifel](#): > > ee, that’s a perfect illustration of Batman’s little bubble of self-righteous delusion. Sure, Doc Savage could respond that no one ever caught him devising plans to torture his teammates either; but he wouldn’t do that, because he’d already have subdued Batman and whisked the poor fellow off to his secret private hospital in upstate New York, where Doc’s unparalleled neuropsychological techniques would cure the Dark Knight of his destructive sociopathic tendencies once and for all. > > And when Doc Savage cures someone, they stay cured, even if it takes brain surgery to do it. That’s why Doc doesn’t have much of a “Rogues’ Gallery” that he needs to keep constantly recapturing like Batman does. The Joker would go up against Doc Savage once, maybe twice; and then he’d suddenly experience a medically assisted life epiphany and wind up living a fulfilling, productive new life under an assumed name as a moderately successful morning radio personality or something. > > Be Doc Savage. Don’t fight criminals; fight their brains. Hasn’t this come up in the JLA? Wasn’t Batman royally ticked at Zatanna for messing with his mind? > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > … as Nite Owl you get to boff Silk Spectre. Doesn’t do it for me. Nite Owl must be an ass man. ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/48 "2008-10-28T15:03:58Z")
IRL, I would guess that most people who posess the personality to do what Batman does have already joined either some law enforcement agency or the military. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/49 "2008-10-28T19:58:17Z")
[QUOTE=Tom Tildrum] Hasn’t this come up in the JLA? Wasn’t Batman royally ticked at Zatanna for messing with his mind? [/QUOTE] Bah. Just because there were a few hiccups in the testing and development process is no reason to scrap the whole program. That’d be like giving up on spaceflight because of the V-2 or Vanguard failures; or psychosurgery because Walter Freeman was a deluded icepick wielding butcher! 😃 …or refusing to take the neccesary steps to protect the public from murderous evil because you’d rather cling to your personal morals for the sake of your own peace of mind. [::cough::](http://home.comcast.net/~Ranchoth/Epiphany.html) ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/50 "2008-10-28T21:46:23Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > Even if you weren’t a “big chicken,” would you be willing to wear such silly clothes in public? No one would take you seriously, and you’d get nothing done. True enough. Costumes only work if you are first seen in them while streaking through the air catching a plummeting aircraft in your bare hands. In such circumstances, the what-the-fuck factor outweighs sartorial criticisms. After the WFTF wears off, simple prudence prevents people from questioning your choice of attire. [QUOTE=Tom Tildrum] Hasn’t [fixing crooks’ minds] come up in the JLA? Wasn’t Batman royally ticked at Zatanna for messing with his mind? [/QUOTE] Batman is an asshole. Or, to be more clear, he LACKS an asshole, which i why he’s so full of shit. The energy fueling his nightly madness comes from enormous and congenital constipation; he excretes bililrubin only by punching people. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/51 "2008-10-28T22:30:01Z")
Re. costumes- In one version of the Batman genesis, Bruce Wayne briefly tried being “just” an anonymous vigilante in non-descript clothes and ski mask. He ruefully remarked “they didn’t FEAR me!”. So in other words, Batman’s costume is supposed to get three messages across to criminals: 1. This guy is a psycho. 2. This guy is a **dangerous** psycho. 3. “Aw shit, I don’t think this guy is human!” Which leads me to wonder. The original reason for adopting the persona of Batman was supposedly that “criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot”. Now if you were really trying to start an urban legend among street scum that something out there eats gang members and drug dealers for late dinner, I don’t think the Batman suit would cut it today. So what would? Hollywood-level makeup as a monster? Body armor and weapons designed to make you look like some sort of cyborg death machine? Remember, these criminals have seen any amount of real danger and death. About the only thing they fear is the muzzle of a gun, and Batman doesn’t use those. So what would instill paranoid, the-Darkness-has-come-alive fear out on the street? ---
**Author:** ![Buran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e57/32.png) [@Buran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buran)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/52 "2008-10-29T01:16:38Z")
> [@RikWriter](#): > > IRL, I would guess that most people who posess the personality to do what Batman does have already joined either some law enforcement agency or the military. What kind of personality joins the police/military? Just out of interest. Batm…_cough_…Buran ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/53 "2008-10-29T01:20:22Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Re. costumes- In one version of the Batman genesis, Bruce Wayne briefly tried being “just” an anonymous vigilante in non-descript clothes and ski mask. He ruefully remarked “they didn’t FEAR me!”. That would be Frank Miller’s Batman Year One. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/54 "2008-10-29T01:42:18Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Remember, these criminals have seen any amount of real danger and death. About the only thing they fear is the muzzle of a gun, and Batman doesn’t use those. So what would instill paranoid, the-Darkness-has-come-alive fear out on the street? Well, you kind of put your finger on the fatal flaw of Batmanology. Turns out that the superstitious and cowardly tend to compensate by shooting at you a lot more. So the project is really a non-starter unless you also manage to master the ancient Himalesian art of "“Outrunning a Bullet-Fu.” ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/55 "2008-10-29T03:02:44Z")
> [@Buran](#): > > What kind of personality joins the police/military? Just out of interest. > > Batm…_cough_…Buran One that wants to serve a greater good and/or wants to right wrongs and wants the authority and the tools to do it. Not EVERYONE who joins the military or a law enforcement organization has this mindset, but I think a lot of the people who have that mindset and a desire for direct action rather than say, the route of being a politician or a lawyer, would wind up in the military or law enforcement. Rather than a masked vigilante… ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672/56 "2008-10-29T03:40:41Z")
[QUOTE=Lumpy] About the only thing they fear is the muzzle of a gun, and Batman doesn’t use those. So what would instill paranoid, the-Darkness-has-come-alive fear out on the street? [/QUOTE] Well, if Batman, or the hypothetical costumed hero, doesn’t kill…that doesn’t technically preclude using dead things as part of his “look,” does it? Just dig up some graves/get ahold of some corpses through legal, “gray market,” or other means, and stalk the night covered with blood, maggots, and large chunks of identifiably human remains. Skulls, organs, bandoleers of skin, wear someone’s face like a mask…stuff like that. You’ll either look like a murderous psycho ghoul, or a murderous _literal_ ghoul. Might make JLA meetings a bit awkward…though at least it precludes being invited to charity auctions by Gotham Gertie. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-among-you-could-be-the-batman/469672.md?page=2)