# Who are the Staff writers and **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [October 13, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141 "2005-10-13T23:45:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Zengirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Zengirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zengirl)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/1 "2005-10-13T23:45:02Z")
what are their qualifications in writing? Are they writers off the boards or just picked from Straight Dope members? ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/2 "2005-10-14T00:16:53Z")
Both. Some Staff Writers are regular board members, some have only posted a very few times, and still others have never posted even once and may or may not even know the board exists. Qualifications are generally some extensive knowledge of a particular subject or subjects, or perhaps just very good researching abilities combined with the ability to write clear, publishable articles which require a minimum of editing. Some Staff Writers do write for a living and have material published elsewhere, others (like me) have only written Staff Reports for the Straight Dope. We’re a fairly diverse group, actually. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/3 "2005-10-14T11:57:45Z")
Yeah, what **Q.E.D.** said. There are some other (possibly mystic) criteria that **Ed Zotti** uses in the selection process. We also have “guest contributors” from time to time. If your question was an indirect way of asking how to volunteer, the answer is to send me an email ([CKDextHavn@aol.com](mailto:CKDextHavn@aol.com)) offering your services and some sort of bio, listing some topics that you might be interested in doing. (I do the admin stuff for the Staff Reports.) And then we’ll see where it goes from there. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/4 "2005-10-14T14:08:06Z")
> [@C K Dexter Haven](#): > > Yeah, what **Q.E.D.** said. There are some other (possibly mystic) criteria that **Ed Zotti** uses in the selection process. We also have “guest contributors” from time to time. “Possibly mystic”? _Mystic?!?_ Ed, Ed, Ed. I didn’t think you were so incredibly lame. I am dissappointed in you. Why can’t you be more like Cecil? Well, there goes all _my_ brown-nosing points. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/5 "2005-10-14T17:07:28Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > “Possibly mystic”? _Mystic?!?_ > > Ed, Ed, Ed. I didn’t think you were so incredibly lame. I am dissappointed in you. Why can’t you be more like Cecil? > > Well, there goes all _my_ brown-nosing points. Don’t panic, **Ponder.** Ed has a little cottage in Mystic, Connecticutt. He goes there when he has big decisions to make. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bytegeist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@Bytegeist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bytegeist)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/6 "2005-10-14T20:01:15Z")
> [@Zengirl](#): > > Who are the staff writers? They’re a troupe of monkeys sitting at keyboards — _with luck like you wouldn’t believe._ ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2005, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/7 "2005-10-15T12:22:00Z")
> [@Bytegeist](#): > > They’re a troupe of monkeys sitting at keyboards — _with luck like you wouldn’t believe._ Ook? ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2005, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/8 "2005-10-15T14:11:28Z")
> [@bibliophage](#): > > Ook? Ack ack. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2005, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/9 "2005-10-15T16:13:36Z")
> [@bibliophage](#): > > Ook? There is something that worries me, seeing this post three posts after one by **Ponder Stibbons**. ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/10 "2005-10-15T17:14:11Z")
> [@Zengirl](#): > > Who are the Staff writers and … and what? That’s it? Who are the Staff writers and here’s a million dollars? Who are the Staff writers and here’s your own spaceship? ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2005, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/11 "2005-10-16T00:05:07Z")
:::sniff:::: …wipes tear from his eye… _Someone_ out there has actually noticed that there are staff writers here. [sub]Og, it wasn’t in vain…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/12 "2005-10-16T01:34:16Z")
_slips a banana to **bibliophage** so he can check out a book_ Preferably a book with nine or more pages, or one with seven or less. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2005, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/13 "2005-10-16T03:50:23Z")
> [@Bytegeist](#): > > They’re a troupe of monkeys sitting at keyboards — _with luck like you wouldn’t believe._ Not all of us. For Staff Reports, I use a quill pen. ---
**Author:** ![DSYoungEsq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DSYoungEsq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSYoungEsq)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2005, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/14 "2005-10-16T17:12:48Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > Not all of us. For Staff Reports, I use a quill pen. And here, all these years, I thought it was done with chisel and hammer. Nice to know that you updated, but hopefully you are using acid-free paper. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2005, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/15 "2005-10-16T17:37:09Z")
Paper? I thought we were supposed to submit our Reports on clay tablets. I’ve always done them on clay tablets! Sheesh, paper, for Og’s sake. Next they’ll want us to use some fancy-schmancy electronical thingamabob or something. Well, I won’t have it. They can have my clay tablets when they pry them from my cold, dead hands! Y’hear me, **Ed**? ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2005, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/16 "2005-10-16T19:37:53Z")
Has anyone ever tried to create a page listing all the staff writers and linking to the reports they’ve written? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2005, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/17 "2005-10-16T19:46:24Z")
> [@](#): > > Not all of us. For Staff Reports, I use a quill pen. Coming from **Colibri** , I just have to ask: What species? ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2005, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/18 "2005-10-16T21:18:41Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Coming from **Colibri** , I just have to ask: What species? Hummingbird, of course! I write really small. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/19 "2005-10-17T00:12:32Z")
> [@Dewey Finn](#): > > Has anyone ever tried to create a page listing all the staff writers and linking to the reports they’ve written? Not to my knowledge. If you’d like to volunteer, I’d be delighted to ensure that your work is enshrined. You’d have the problem that sometimes Staffers change their names, frinstance Hawk and Hawkeye are the same person (he takes off his glasses when he’s Hawk.) ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2005, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141/20 "2005-10-17T01:38:59Z")
> [@Dewey Finn](#): > > Has anyone ever tried to create a page listing all the staff writers and linking to the reports they’ve written? I studied this long and hard, and even printed it out and held it up against a mirror, but still I couldn’t find the wickedly amusing comment. Gis a clue, Dewey! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-the-staff-writers-and/326141.md?page=2)