# Who are you, REALLY? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2002, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003 "2002-04-05T15:00:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Nevermind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/53a042/32.png) [@Nevermind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nevermind)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/21 "2002-04-06T03:09:19Z")
I never get sick, I am never bored with my life. I never embarrass myself. I can travel anywhere, even fly, whenever I want. I can go as fast as I want. Or as slow as I want. I have special powers to stop shitty things from happening like child abuse and planes flying into buildings. I am musically talented. I am drop dead gorgeous. And I carry this majic wand that makes annoying people shut up. I also fill in for Judge Judy on her days off. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/22 "2002-04-06T04:27:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Legomancer \* > \*\* I planned out the albums (ripping them off from existing bands), thought about interviews, etc. I have quite an elaborate backstory for this band. \*\* Interviews? Really?? Wow, I didn’t know that I’m not alone. You see, my alter-ego " Successful young writer" has interviews about recently published best sellers. The interviewers are awed by my ability to write so well at such a tender age, and they’d probably be very fawning if I didn’t fall asleep almost immediately after I start thinking the fantasy through-every time. ---
**Author:** ![Mephisto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@Mephisto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mephisto)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/23 "2002-04-06T04:36:48Z")
A pornographer vampire with a rock band on the side. ---
**Author:** ![MagicalSilverKey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@MagicalSilverKey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicalSilverKey)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/24 "2002-04-06T05:24:13Z")
_ **The Master of the Unknown®** _ Super powers: [ul] [li]powerful warlock[/li][li]vigilante crime fighter [/li][li]weapon of choice - fighting staff[/li][li]can fly at will[/li][/ul] I had my 15 minutes of fame using this secret identity name. I used to write in to a local television show under that name. I would send them a postcard every week, and they’d read it aloud on the air. It was just a gag at first, but it caught on for some reason. After awhile, they invited me to be on the show!!! Although I was on camera, my face was purposely never revealed. They hosts and I wanted **The Master of the Unknown®** to remain unknown. I had a wide brimmed fedora on, and they said to lay low so the hat would obscure my face. It was a lot of fun. They asked me a bunch of goofy questions, to which I gave goofy answers. Hmm I should try to do this again and see what happens. I haven’t been **The Master of the Unknown®** for many years. I think a comeback is in order. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/25 "2002-04-06T09:04:11Z")
Usually one of the characters in whatever stories I’m working on at the moment. Currently, that means Terza Velyan the imposing bastard-brat-cum-Grand Master necromancer, occasionally her son Ansen (who looks a bit like Heath Ledger), Charis the wry aging assassin, or Jance Linden the astigmatic space pilot. Of course, I also like to daydream stuff from the point of view of my favorite Vampire: the Masquerade character Dev (et al), the stunningly suave Malkavian with MPD. A life? I don’t need a life. I’ve got all these little imaginary lives. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/26 "2002-04-06T12:54:40Z")
I am a shadowy business tycoon-sort of a saner version of Howard Hughes. Nobody in my office staff knows where I am, nor have most of them ever met me. My office is always dark-when I receive visitors, you cannot see my face. I make humongous business deals across the globe, and undertake secret missions on behalf of the CIA. My latest scheme-mining uranium in Antarctica. My private LEAR jet is registered with a false number, which cannot be traced, as are my fleet of balck Lincoln limousines. My passport also has a special number, so that I can enter and leave foreign countrys-with no record at INTERPOL or the State Dept. records. I have a secret compound in Palm Springs, with a huge pool and lots of ex-swimsuit models around. I conrol major positions in global corporations, and the president of the USA reports to me on a weekly basis!😃 ---
**Author:** ![lawoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@lawoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lawoot)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/27 "2002-04-06T20:06:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mephisto \* > \*\*A pornographer vampire with a rock band on the side. \*\* No, no, no… they said FANTASY personalities. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/28 "2002-04-06T20:47:37Z")
Gee, I usually just fantasize that my kids will listen to me, some day. ---
**Author:** ![SlightDistrurbance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SlightDistrurbance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlightDistrurbance)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/29 "2002-04-06T21:20:10Z")
I’m Batman. No really. Okay, you got me, I’m chaosincarnate. Who knew? ---
**Author:** ![shegoesdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@shegoesdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shegoesdown)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/30 "2002-04-06T21:21:46Z")
I’m a slut. ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/31 "2002-04-06T22:14:41Z")
Mine’s easy. In my fantasy life I’m Conor Oberst. ---
**Author:** ![njufoic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/278dde/32.png) [@njufoic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njufoic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/32 "2002-04-06T22:41:25Z")
I’m either Elwood Blues from The Blues Brothers, or a composite of all of the Ghostbusters. -Andrew L ---
**Author:** ![Nacho4Sara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/33 "2002-04-06T23:05:00Z")
I’m Magenta, an independently wealthy Venezuelan dance goddess who opens and closes Studio 54 _every_ night. It’s 1978, and I’m so fabulous Diana Vreeland and Grace Coddington look to me for fashion advice. Bianca Jagger copies off of me, and I slept with her husband before he knew she existed. Halston sends me specially-designed dresses, but Yves St. Laurent is my passion, and I can afford it. I’m always featured in Page Six, because everyone wants to know what (or who) Magenta is wearing, smoking, drinking, and sexing. I start trends without even trying. I never have to wait in line for anything, and I’m invited to at least three different soirees every night. Oh, and I got my name from Andy Warhol; he though Lucinda just didn’t capture my colorful personality. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2002, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/34 "2002-04-07T04:43:40Z")
Lance Pertwillaby-_Captain Kentucky!_ ---
**Author:** ![Dieter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@Dieter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dieter)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2002, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/35 "2002-04-07T05:01:02Z")
Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute ---
**Author:** ![EasyPhil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47c2d/32.png) [@EasyPhil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EasyPhil)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2002, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/36 "2002-04-07T06:18:25Z")
I’m the black private dick that’s the sex machine to all the chicks. Shaft! Right on! Ya Damn Right! ---
**Author:** ![Mephisto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@Mephisto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mephisto)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2002, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/37 "2002-04-07T10:56:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*\*Originally posted by lawoot \*\*\* > _Originally posted by Mephisto_ > A pornographer vampire with a rock band on the side. > > \*\*No, no, no… they said FANTASY personalities. 😃 \*\* Well, in that case . . . I write a trivia collumn that got picked up by a Chicago periodical and it got popular enough that they decided to base a web site on it. Oh, and everybody loves me on Friday through Wednesday as much as they do on Thursdays (payday). 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mersavets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aca169/32.png) [@Mersavets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mersavets)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2002, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/38 "2002-04-07T12:20:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shegoesdown \* > \*\*I’m a slut. \*\* **KayKay**? Is that you sweetie? I have a feeling you might be going down soon. ---
**Author:** ![shegoesdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@shegoesdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shegoesdown)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2002, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/39 "2002-04-07T17:05:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mersavets \* > \*\* > **KayKay**? Is that you sweetie? I have a feeling you might be going down soon. \*\* Nope! I’m a _newbie!!!_ ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2002, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003/40 "2002-04-07T17:36:47Z")
I’m Iron Man. By day I’m Tony Stark, electronic engineer and captain of industry, and by night an armored superhero. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-really/102003.md?page=3)