# Who are you talking to, for fuck's sake? (Secretary Rant Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 23, 2001, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-talking-to-for-fucks-sake-secretary-rant-part-1/89124 "2001-10-23T17:15:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-talking-to-for-fucks-sake-secretary-rant-part-1/89124/1 "2001-10-23T17:15:57Z")
OK, here’s the thing. When someone walks away, the conversation is over. And when they are no longer in the room, they **can’t hear you!** So shut the **fuck UP!** That goes for phone conversations, too. When someone has you on hold, they **can’t hear you!** That means you should **stop talking.** He can’t hear that you’re _soooo_ hungry, and that you wish he’d pick up again, and what’s _taking_ so long, and how _dare_ they keep you on hold this long, and it makes you want to scream. Guess what? He probably wouldn’t care if he _could_ hear you, you ignorant twat. 'Cause I **can** hear you, and I couldn’t care less. I don’t understand what’s so difficult to grasp here. You’re probably one of those people who screams at the TV during Jerry Springer, as if the drunken inbred reprobates on that show are going to be shamed by your comments. Or do you yell at the movie screen (as your cell phone is ringing) when you know the killer is behind the door, waiting for the moment to pounce on the nubile young starlet? Shut up. That goes for talking to yourself in general. I don’t like to hear the status of **everything** you’re doing. I don’t give a shit that the copier is acting up. Fuck off about the goddamn UPS guy. Like I care that you’re going to the bank. So the person who just called had a wrong number; do I give a rat’s ass? And shut the fuck up about your computer not working right, when the problem is that you can’t use it correctly. Do you **want** me to go utterly insane, and make it impossible for you to speak at all? Is that what you want? Go ahead, have these emotions. I’m not saying these things shouldn’t annoy you. But when they do, you don’t have to open your fucking mouth to tell the air around you. Sound travels, and maybe the entire office doesn’t want to know that your car is acting up again. Keep it quiet, or at least go talk to your buddy down the hall, where I can’t hear your blithering rantings. In short, shut your festering malodorous gob, you blinkered Philistine pig-ignorant tit! (OK, so maybe that wasn’t so short.) ---
**Author:** ![Dirty\_Earthworm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Dirty\_Earthworm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Earthworm)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-talking-to-for-fucks-sake-secretary-rant-part-1/89124/2 "2001-10-23T18:12:01Z")
Took the words right out of my mouth. Where are my car keys? Damn hemmorhoids acting up again. Man, I hope I get that wart remover soon. That sumbitch hurts! Oh, was I saying that out loud?? -Syko “My cat’s breath smells like cat food.” - Ralph Wiggum ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-are-you-talking-to-for-fucks-sake-secretary-rant-part-1/89124/3 "2001-10-23T18:35:22Z")
::checks irony detector:: So, is your secretary reading this?