# Who do hand-me-down toys and books eventually belong to? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 11, 2011, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-do-hand-me-down-toys-and-books-eventually-belong-to/588584 "2011-07-11T03:23:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-do-hand-me-down-toys-and-books-eventually-belong-to/588584/21 "2011-07-12T01:08:06Z")
It’s complicated. Our girls are five years apart. By the time the younger one was old enough to be read Dr. Seuss, the older one wasn’t interested. Ramona books migrated from the older to the younger one’s room, though in a sense they were communal. And there are a lot of books that my wife had when she was a kid, and some her parents had (like original Uncle Wigglys) and those are ours. Not really any conflict, since they both have so many books and could always reread if they wanted to. They also had very different tastes. They are now both out of the house. The older one has a heartwarmingly gigantic number of books of hers. The younger one is in Germany and is constrained to ebooks. The tricky part will be when they have kids. We might lend them as appropriate, but we might force the kids to come to our house for a treat. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-do-hand-me-down-toys-and-books-eventually-belong-to/588584/22 "2011-07-12T04:08:20Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > Anything that was wrapped up as a gift and given to the child is theirs forevermore. Anything that was just sort of brought home for the kid without a special occasion (christmas, birthday, etc.) is group property amongst the children. > > My parents pulled this kind of thing on me all the time, though not with children’s books. For my 9th birthday I got a cute desk and chair to go in my room that was taken away from me and given to my brother a few years later because he needed a desk. The year I went away to college my birthday presents were a microwave and a minifridge that were taken back by my parents when I graduated and given to my brother because he was starting college that year. I had to go out and buy a new microwave for my first apartment because my brother had mine. When I took my dresser out of my room with me when I moved my parents flipped out because they wanted my brother to have it but at that point I put my foot down and explained that I was tired of having my birthday gifts taken away and passed down. As far as I was concerned once they put a big bow on it and made a big deal about how it was my birthday gift they lost the right to take it back and give it to my brother. If they had just furnished my room and then given me clothes or books or something as a gift it wouldn’t even have occurred to me to think of the stuff as mine and they could have passed it down all they wanted. Wow, that was an incredibly bad way of giving presents. It would have been one thing if your parents had asked if you’d be OK with getting new, upgraded appliances, and passing the old ones along to your brother. But since you had received the things as gifts, it sucks that they were taken away to be passed down. It’s also a great way to drive a wedge between you and your brother. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-do-hand-me-down-toys-and-books-eventually-belong-to/588584/23 "2011-07-12T14:03:29Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Wow, that was an incredibly bad way of giving presents. It would have been one thing if your parents had asked if you’d be OK with getting new, upgraded appliances, and passing the old ones along to your brother. But since you had received the things as gifts, it sucks that they were taken away to be passed down. It’s also a great way to drive a wedge between you and your brother. Yeah, my brother and I don’t really talk at all. This isn’t the only reason for that but I’m sure it didn’t help. Logically I understand why my parents did what they did. It was cheaper to give me necessities as birthday and christmas gifts instead of having to buy them and still give me gifts for those holidays. It is also cheaper to pass stuff down from kid to kid instead of buying 2 of everything so I get why they did that too. Unfortunately the combination of both of those money saving methods meant that very little that I was given was actually mine so I was incredibly resentful of my family. My brother also felt like he got the short end of the stick because even though his gifts were never taken away none of his big stuff was ever new. Everything from his bed to his TV was something that had been passed down to him second hand and he got to watch as I was given something new and expensive at every holiday. It just ended up pissing off both of us. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-do-hand-me-down-toys-and-books-eventually-belong-to/588584/24 "2011-07-12T14:27:40Z")
As kids: Communally owned, although my brother and I wouldn’t share a favourite stuffed animal (for instance). As adults: If you want it, you can have it. So I still have some books that my brother bought once upon a time, and my brother sold some books and games that I got as a kid. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-do-hand-me-down-toys-and-books-eventually-belong-to/588584.md?page=1)