Hey wanna-be businessman, do your market projections and charts and analyze them using several factors, taking into account variable market conditions. Make adjustments on the fly in basis of these analyses in order to make your business profitable or afloat even in lean times, Do all this without using any form of algebra. No spreadsheets, nothing. Unless you have extremely good business instincts, you will find it very nigh impossible.
Were there special classes for the color-blind?
I suppose in some ways that type of observational memory could useful (“Honey, of course I remember you wore a purple dress on our first date…”), but I would hope it was only one or two lousy teachers, not every class.
I simply fail to see how the colour of anyones tie is relevant to education, no matter how recently he was on TV. I assume that you feel the same way.
So, I ask myself, what kind of brain dead teachers are these, and from what box of Cracker Jacks did they get their teaching degree?
I kind of like algebra. It’s certainly better than geometry. I got all the way through algebra and algebra 2 with an A=. It’s certainly more useful and easier than some other things.
That’s an A+. I apparently can’t type today.
**
Oh, yes.
Living as I did in small-town Alabama, the only decent schools available were private ones, and those were all run by Jeezoids. Since you’re clearly familiar with the online world, I don’t think I need to spell out the implications of that with regard to my teachers’ educational level.
As for the box of Cracker Jacks, I would, in all seriousness, be willing to bet money (say $20) that my Alabama history teacher (who was also the Bible teacher and football coach) cannot spell the word “degree.”
Here’s the breakdown:
Math: taught by a decent teacher
Science: taught by a quite good teacher who loved her subject (unless it’s AP physics, in which case it’s taught at the junior college by that guy who looked like Roy Orbison and mumbled. His teaching method involved lots of questions. Not the Socratic method, mind you- he was hoping we would know the answer because he didn’t.)
English: extremely professional teacher with a Master’s degree.
It goes downhill from here…
Bible class: “we believe that the Bible is the instruction book for escaping eternal hellfire- that’s why it’s half as long as the other classes and taught by an illiterate football coach.” Or, in other years, with different teachers, “list the five ways to avoid sexual temptation.” What, there’s a canonical list? “Each of you has to choose a cult to do a report on. Who wants Mormonism?” “Today’s exam will be based on irrelevant trivia culled from Evidence that Demands a Verdict.”
World History: “I will now explain why every not-quite-Christian group in history, from the Gnostics to the alchemists, was a group of laughable morons. I will also speak at Ben Stein speed (Bueller…) and repeat every sentence twice, in order to teach you how to take notes in college. Half of each class period will be taken up by my proselytizing.” “Don’t read USA Today- it’s run by Communists.”
American History: either taught by the current events teacher (“let’s take turns reading straight out of the book in class”) or the creation science teacher (“let’s take turns reading straight out of the book in class, unless you can distract me enough to get me to tell you stories about my dog.”) The latter was particularly execrable, because of her “discussion” questions: “Discuss churchgoing in Puritan New England.” I think her grading scheme was that she took five points off for every fact about churchgoing in Puritan New England which was a) in the book, and b) not among the hundreds of factoids which you have scrawled in impossibly small handwriting into the allotted space on your exam. Come to think of it, the former was pretty bad too- she would always make dire threats to the troublemakers, but never, in the course of five years, acted on them. Once she sent one of them to the principal’s office and then ran after him to apologize before he got there.
Alabama History: “You need to larn to taek notes for colige. Copie yor Allabamma histry book word-for-word and bring it to the open-book exam, which will be based on irellevent trivvia.” CF the aforementioned license plate question.
Pep Rally: “Atindints is manda… you gotta to go pep rally.”
PE: (different coach) Dodgeball is for wusses, so we’ll play murderball instead. And we’ll do calisthenics, and I’ll snicker at those of you who don’t have my fine, knuckle-dragging physique.
Chapel (what others would call assembly): “Today’s speaker has, in the course of his ministry, seen everything that happened in The Exorcist except that he’s never seen someone’s head spinning around.” What, he stepped out for more popcorn at that part? Or then there’s the visits from the local YoungLife director: “I’ve brought a bunch of non-removable white hospital bracelets, and wearing one is a way to tell everyone that you’re a Christian. Now, I know it’s hard to make that kind of statement, because Christians face so much prejudice, and I know some kids who lied to people about what the bracelets meant so that people wouldn’t look down on them for being a Christian, but once you wear one of these you have to confess Christ with your mouth, even if your fellow Alabamians hate you because of your devotion to Jesus.” Oh God, please send a caterpillar that can tell me which side of the mushroom to chew in order to escape the surreal nightmare of Chapel.
Of course, spread throughout your school day are various warnings about college: “Your professors will try to fail you as a sport.” “If you go to an Ivy League school, many of your professors will be transvestites.”
-Ben
Does this clear anything up? I admit I was wrong and it was nobody else’s fault, but certain people were a bit abrupt in their responses.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=38277
I forgot to thank you, quasar, for your constructive criticism, as well as anyone else who offered some advice.