# Who gets a bachelor party in a gay wedding? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 14, 2013, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691 "2013-04-14T16:40:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Reyemile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@Reyemile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reyemile)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/1 "2013-04-14T16:40:53Z")
See subject and poll; what have you seen gay couples do (or done yourself, if you’re gay and married/engaged?) ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/2 "2013-04-14T16:52:51Z")
I don’t know any gay couple weddings, but I’d say that it depends on whether they have the same circle of friends. If they don’t then, they should get separate parties with their respective friends. The two wedders don’t get to decide if it’s a bachelor or a bachelorette party: that’s for their friends who are running it to decide 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/3 "2013-04-14T17:20:14Z")
I had never considered the issue before. But upon a few moments of reflection, I voted there should be separate parties for each person. It shouldn’t be a joint party. The point of a bachelor/bachelorette party is to treat the engaged person as if they were single not half of a couple. If the two of them go to the party as a couple then it’s just a regular party. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/4 "2013-04-14T17:31:02Z")
> [@Reyemile](#): > > See subject and poll; what have you seen gay couples do (or done yourself, if you’re gay and married/engaged?) The pitcher. ---
**Author:** ![Sudden\_Kestrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Sudden\_Kestrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sudden_Kestrel)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/5 "2013-04-14T17:39:40Z")
What, no “other” option? My answer would be, “Whoever wants one.” ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/6 "2013-04-14T17:40:42Z")
ninja’d: Whoever wants one. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/7 "2013-04-14T18:05:37Z")
Most Gay guys (like myself) have spent their entire lives going out to, ahem, “bachelor” parties every weekend in the bars. Not exactly sure what the point would be - other than go get drunk with the same guys you have probably been hanging around with for the past few years anyway. And chances are quite good that both guys getting married would know and hang out with the same crowd anyway. So I guess a Gay Bachelor Party could also be called another Friday night at the bar? ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/8 "2013-04-14T18:23:24Z")
> [@Sudden\_Kestrel](#): > > What, no “other” option? My answer would be, “Whoever wants one.” M3 T00. If only one partner wants one, he/she gets it. If both partners want separate parties, they get it. If they want a party together, they get it. I never had a bachelorette party and didn’t want one. My husband had a bachelor party and didn’t really want one… ---
**Author:** ![Reyemile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@Reyemile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reyemile)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/9 "2013-04-14T18:37:25Z")
> [@Sudden\_Kestrel](#): > > What, no “other” option? My answer would be, “Whoever wants one.” Well, duh. My OP might not have been 100% clear, but I was asking about who does/has/tends to want one, not who SHOULD want one. ---
**Author:** ![Foggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foggy/32/1082_2.png) [@Foggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foggy)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/10 "2013-04-14T18:49:28Z")
See gay marriage is messing with our sacred traditions. This must be stopped! If its two bachelor parties, just make sure you don’t end up at the same bath house. That would be awkward. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/11 "2013-04-14T20:00:53Z")
I have a friend who got married this summer [to another woman] and she had a bachelor party, thrown by her brother. I do not know if the wife had one too. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/12 "2013-04-14T20:07:51Z")
Are bachelor parties really a thing in _straight_ weddings? I only know of them from popular culture, and have never known a groom who had one, including myself. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/13 "2013-04-14T20:08:11Z")
Voted “joint” party, but upon reflection, agree with **Nemo**. LOL when I saw this on the main page. (it’s the type of thread _I’d_ start) ---
**Author:** ![Reyemile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@Reyemile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reyemile)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/14 "2013-04-14T20:20:24Z")
> [@Yorikke](#): > > Are bachelor parties really a thing in _straight_ weddings? I only know of them from popular culture, and have never known a groom who had one, including myself. My wife and myself didn’t have bachelor/ette parties, but her best friend had a bachelorette party the other night, and two weeks ago was the bachelor party for the hubby to be. So yes, they are a thing. Though perhaps they shouldn’t be, since the friend’s fiancee is no longer speaking to his brother over some fight that broke out that night. ---
**Author:** ![Sudden\_Kestrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Sudden\_Kestrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sudden_Kestrel)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/15 "2013-04-14T20:21:37Z")
> [@Reyemile](#): > > Well, duh. My OP might not have been 100% clear, but I was asking about who does/has/tends to want one, not who SHOULD want one. And duh, my answer still applies. Gay couples are made up of individuals just like hetero couples are. Some of them want bachelor(ette) parties, some of them don’t. Why would you expect gay couples to be different? ---
**Author:** ![Reyemile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@Reyemile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reyemile)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/16 "2013-04-14T20:24:38Z")
> [@Sudden\_Kestrel](#): > > And duh, my answer still applies. Gay couples are made up of individuals just like hetero couples are. Some of them want bachelor(ette) parties, some of them don’t. Why would you expect gay couples to be different? No, but I’d expect patterns and trends to emerge–though admittedly, such trends and patterns would likely be different for different regions and cultures, and get lost in a one-size-fits-all poll like the one above. ---
**Author:** ![markdash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@markdash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markdash)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/17 "2013-04-14T22:21:13Z")
> [@Yorikke](#): > > Are bachelor parties really a thing in _straight_ weddings? I only know of them from popular culture, and have never known a groom who had one, including myself. My wife and I both had bachelor/ette parties, and we were married in 2007. My wife had dinner/drinks with a group of friends at a bar, then went to a swanky hotel bar across the street for drinks. I went to Vegas with some friends for some very low-key gambling/drinking. There may have been a trip to an adult establishment in there, but it was mellow. Only half the guys who went drank, and only a few gambled, so there was a lot of pool time and buffets involved. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/18 "2013-04-14T22:37:06Z")
Neither of us had anything resembling a bachelor party. ---
**Author:** ![MsBatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@MsBatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsBatt)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/19 "2013-04-15T04:31:36Z")
Simple—the ‘butch’ partner gets a bachelor party, the ‘fem’ partner gets a bachelorette party ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/20 "2013-04-15T08:35:32Z")
I agree with **DMark**. For a lot of gay guys (even a fairly laid back and boring one like me), a bachelor party would be ridiculous on the face of it. It’d be just like any other night out, with probably the same level of debauchery. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691.md?page=2)