# Who gets a bachelor party in a gay wedding? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 14, 2013, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691 "2013-04-14T16:40:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/21 "2013-04-15T10:16:26Z")
Do we get to include lesbians in this discussion too? In my experience, most people will have their own party, with the major difference from straight parties being that the party is not on gender lines – people of either sex is invited. But then stag/hen parties in the UK are big part of wedding culture, so it’s not surprising that some of us gayers jump on the bandwagon. I have only been to one such event where both members of the couple attended, which I thought completely defeated the object, but hey, their party, their rules. I am getting civilly partnered later this year and will not be having a hen night, because I loath them. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/22 "2013-04-15T10:49:43Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > Most Gay guys (like myself) have spent their entire lives going out to, ahem, “bachelor” parties every weekend in the bars. Not exactly sure what the point would be - other than go get drunk with the same guys you have probably been hanging around with for the past few years anyway. And chances are quite good that both guys getting married would know and hang out with the same crowd anyway. > > So I guess a Gay Bachelor Party could also be called another Friday night at the bar? That’s what hetero bachelor parties/hen nights tend to be in Spain: the main difference between them and a normal night out is that the bride/groom to be gets presents and that they may take the occasion as a chance to get together with some friends that won’t be at the wedding itself. Sometimes you see a group that’s in disguise, but if you’re in an area close to an airport they’ve got a high probability of being Brits. Anyway, add me to the “whomever wants one” list. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/23 "2013-04-15T11:04:52Z")
> [@Sudden\_Kestrel](#): > > What, no “other” option? My answer would be, “Whoever wants one.” Me four (or five or whatever we’re up to). Which is the same view I have of stag/hen nights for heterosexual couples. And really, people? “Fem/butch” divisions and bathhouse jokes? Are you expecting a molly house marriage too? I thought we’d moved a little further on. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/24 "2013-04-15T11:06:05Z")
Oh fuck! I didn’t consider the presents aspect of it! Well if there are presents involved, count me in for a gay bachelor party if I ever get gay married!!! 🙂 Sure it’ll be like any other night… but with presents! ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/25 "2013-04-15T11:25:45Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Do we get to include lesbians in this discussion too? > > In my experience, most people will have their own party, with the major difference from straight parties being that the party is not on gender lines – people of either sex is invited. But then stag/hen parties in the UK are big part of wedding culture, so it’s not surprising that some of us gayers jump on the bandwagon. > > I have only been to one such event where both members of the couple attended, which I thought completely defeated the object, but hey, their party, their rules. > > I am getting civilly partnered later this year and will not be having a hen night, because I loath them. No. Lesbians don’t count. Sorry ladies, but you are invisible. Every discussion of “Gay”- whatever only involves flaming homosexual men, never lesbians or that guy in Accounting who has been living with his boyfriend since college. Unless you are a Gay Pride parade every weekend, no one considers your opinion or preferences. I hate to tell you this, but wearing sensible shoes doesn’t get the press or recognition that wearing a feather boa does. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/26 "2013-04-15T11:31:14Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > No. Lesbians don’t count. Sorry ladies, but you are invisible. Every discussion of “Gay”- whatever only involves flaming homosexual men, never lesbians or that guy in Accounting who has been living with his boyfriend since college. Unless you are a Gay Pride parade every weekend, no one considers your opinion or preferences. > > I hate to tell you this, but wearing sensible shoes doesn’t get the press or recognition that wearing a feather boa does. What, even if I wear them with my ‘dykes on bikes’ leather braless corset? Thought as much. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/27 "2013-04-15T11:32:39Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Oh fuck! I didn’t consider the presents aspect of it! Well if there are presents involved, count me in for a gay bachelor party if I ever get gay married!!! 🙂 Sure it’ll be like any other night… but with presents! They give presents at bachelor parties in the US?? Pfff, in the UK, you’ll get nothing more than a penis shaped drinks straw and a veil, and be happy about it. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/28 "2013-04-15T11:35:43Z")
The lesbian weddings I’ve attended haven’t usually had separate hen/stag dos because their friends are too intertwined. The two gay male weddings I attended didn’t either, mostly for the same reason and probably also in part because at least in one case it would just be another night at the same places you go with your partner - except your partner would be told not to attend, which would be weird. If and when my GF and I get married maybe we will have our own hen parties, though mine would definitely involve male friends. Or neither or both of us will have one. Either way, they’ll both be hen parties not stag dos, because we’re both female, not male or trans or even butch. The same goes for marriage - neither of us will be a husband. The terminology is not difficult. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/29 "2013-04-15T11:44:50Z")
Speaking from Connecticut, I think we are still working through the backlog of long-term relationships. The folks getting Gay-Married now are the ones who have been together for a while, have worked out all the domestic details and now want the legal recognition. I am not seeing many young gay couples getting married, and bach\*parties are a young person’s game. (Caveat - my personal observations are based on a middle-aged, middle-class perspective, and theerfore most of the folks I interact with, gay and straight, are also middle-aged and middle-class. There may well be a groundswell of young gay couples getting married but from what I see the people getting married now are folks who have already established a life together.) ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/30 "2013-04-15T16:55:35Z")
I voted “together” because that’s what my friends have done, but if I were gay I’d want separate parties, different nights. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/31 "2013-04-15T17:54:05Z")
I don’t see what the couple being gay has to do with the concept of a bachelor/bachelorette party. It’s just sort of send-off to single life, often involving drinking and strippers, but could just be a bunch of friends hanging out. Hell, I’ve been to a couple where it’s just the guys hanging out with some beer playing videogames. Sometimes couples do them together, I think that’s atypical and I don’t see why a couple being gay should have any real impact on whether they do the party together or separate. So, I voted each gives a bachelor party, implying also that for a lesbian couple each gets her own bachelorette party, and that only if they want one. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/32 "2013-04-15T21:20:02Z")
> [@Yorikke](#): > > Are bachelor parties really a thing in _straight_ weddings? I only know of them from popular culture, and have never known a groom who had one, including myself. Most of my male friends have had bachelor parties thrown for them. Mostly it’s an excuse for long term friends, now scattered across the US, to get together, rehash the past and toast the future. Since wedding are such a lousy time to actually talk to the bride or groom, this fills that void. ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/33 "2013-04-16T01:58:15Z")
I voted for all of them, because I can’t imagine such a disparate population wedding themselves to a single pattern. Since some straight folks don’t do bachelor(ette) parties at all, and some straight couple do everything together when they can, and – well, you get the idea. People will do what they want, and people often want different things. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/34 "2013-04-16T03:19:10Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > What, even if I wear them with my ‘dykes on bikes’ leather braless corset? > > Thought as much. Think you got whooshed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/35 "2013-04-16T10:03:39Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Think you got whooshed. 😃 Think I was joking 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/36 "2013-04-16T10:13:43Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Think I was joking 😉 I thought so, too. And it was funny. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/37 "2013-04-16T12:11:34Z")
The top? ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2013, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691/38 "2013-04-16T12:44:43Z")
I’ve been to a couple commitment ceremonies over the years. (I’ve never been to an official wedding, maybe when they’re legally allowed.) None of them have had a separate bachelor/ bachelorette party. Part of it is due to the more permissive and open nature of the LGBT community that things I’ve seen at bachelor and bachelorette parties (Yes, I’ve been to both) are things that aren’t as taboo. Penis straws and strippers, while not commonplace, are just less novel. The closest I’ve been to was a party that the couple held at the bar where they met. But even then, I wouldn’t call it a bachelor/ bachelorette party, it was just a party held the night before the wedding, so close-ish. That said, there are a surprising amount of \*Sambo-eating-a-watermelon \* type “jokes” in this thread. :dubious: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-gets-a-bachelor-party-in-a-gay-wedding/655691.md?page=1)