# Who has been intimate with polar bears? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 6, 2001, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654 "2001-01-06T00:02:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654/1 "2001-01-06T00:02:11Z")
That is, who knows a lot about polar bear ancestry? Within the past couple of years, I heard a fascinating hypothesis advanced. I must have been watching a documentary or reading on the ‘net. It was along the lines of: polar bears are not as closely related to true bears as once thought. They may be much more closely related to the weasel/wolverine/mink family. I thought this sounded pretty far-fetched, and then I began looking more closely at films of polar bears on television. By George, they DO remind me of big honkin’ wolverines at that. Watch the way they snake their long heads and necks from side to side, and how low the heads are compared to the rest of the body. I watched one stalking a seal, and the bear’s whole posture and facial expression strongly reminded me of a badger prowling for rabbits or prairie dogs. I found a great website about bears and emailed the zoologist who created the site, but I’ve received no response. Have any Dopers who are up in their ursology heard about this? ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654/2 "2001-01-06T00:22:04Z")
The title of this thread is amusing. My first thought was: “Not me! … Why, what have you heard?” ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654/3 "2001-01-06T03:59:59Z")
Reminds me of an old joke about a Texan visiting Alaska. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654/4 "2001-01-06T06:15:13Z")
ey Boo Boo! They’re bears. If you go down to the woods today You’re sure of a big surprise If you go down to the woods today You’d better go in disguise For ev’ry bear that ever there was Will gather there for certain, because Today’s the day the Teddy Bears have their picnic. Ev’ry Teddy Bear who’s been good Is sure of a treat today. There’s lots of marvelous things to eat And wonderful games to play Beneath the trees where nobody sees They’ll hide and seek as long as they please 'Cause that’s the way the Teddy Bears have their picnic If you go down to the woods today You’d better not go alone It’s lovely down in the woods today But safer to stay at home For ev’ry bear that ever there was Will gather there for certain, because Today’s the day the Teddy Bears have their picnic. Picnic time for Teddy Bears The little Teddy Bears are having a lovely time today Watch them, catch them unawares And see them picnic on their holiday. See them gaily gad about They love to play and shout; They never have any care; At six o’clock their Mummies and Daddies, Will take them home to bed, Because they’re tired little Teddy Bears. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654/5 "2001-01-06T06:17:27Z")
The real problem with being intimate with polar bears is lying naked on the ice floe afterwards, wondering how long you have to stay before you can put on your parka and go home. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654/6 "2001-01-06T06:22:45Z")
> [@](#): > > The real problem with being intimate with polar bears is lying naked on the ice floe afterwards, wondering how long you have to stay before you can put on your parka and go home. Seconded! Especially if yuor hairy, and hopefully satisfied, partner is **BI** -polar! 😃 Nothing worse than a pissed-off, depressed, ursine! ---
**Author:** ![StephenG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@StephenG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StephenG)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654/7 "2001-01-06T06:34:28Z")
… no polar bears, just [ice weasels](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=48200). Sigh. Hey, what number are polar bears, anyway? Maybe 250? ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654/8 "2001-01-06T06:48:20Z")
Re: The OP - I highly doubt it. The authoritative **Walker’s Mammals of the World** ( 1991 edition ) makes no such supposition. And it’s a fact that The Polar Bear (_Ursus maritimus_) and The Brown/Grizzly Bear (_Ursus arctos_) can hybridize and produce fully fertile offspring. They seem to be sister taxa. I’ll agree that as bears go, the Polar Bear is rather weasel-like in appearance. But then I’ve always thought Wolverine’s were rather bear-like 😉 . I think it’s just a coincidence of ecology and convergent evolution. - Tamerlane ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654/9 "2001-01-06T13:58:21Z")
Tamerlane: Thanks, your reply clinched it. I never thought about hybridization! Wonder what a polar bear/grizzly cross would be called? A pizzly? jti: PFFFFFFTTTTTHHHH! Or wondering if your girlfriend is going to smell the ringed seal on your breath. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654/10 "2001-01-06T15:51:12Z")
I think that because polar bears spend much more time swimming - to catch prey - than other bears, they have a more stream-lined, weasel-like look. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654/11 "2001-01-06T22:03:08Z")
while we’re on the topic of polar bear sexuality, I beleive that bears are one of the few mammals who have a bone in their penis. ---
**Author:** ![destrogal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/71e660/32.png) [@destrogal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/destrogal)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654/12 "2001-01-07T00:02:43Z")
Do I have to tell you pepole about the story about me and the bears… AGIAN? ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-has-been-intimate-with-polar-bears/48654/13 "2001-01-07T01:31:38Z")
A trivial problem, really. Just get you some DNA from polar bears, grizzly bears, brown bears and various members of the weasel family, sequence the parts that code for ribosomal RNA, and run them through a phylogenetic analysis program. If someone else hasn’t done it already, you can even publish the results.