# Who hasn't had a first? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 13, 2001, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324 "2001-07-13T04:19:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7ba0ec/32.png) [@fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fish_in_the_sky)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2001, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/81 "2001-07-20T22:20:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lamia \* > So, \*\*Lunatic13 \*_, how you doing?_ > (…) > \*It seems apt that this is the very first time I have used this popular phrase. 🙂 \*\* teehee! And this is the first time anyone’s said it to me. 🙂 How _you_ doin’ **Lamia**? ---
**Author:** ![VitrolicBump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a587f6/32.png) [@VitrolicBump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VitrolicBump)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2001, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/82 "2001-07-20T22:29:47Z")
> [@](#): > > _originally posted by foolsguinea_ > Um, if that’s your actual pic on your LiveJournal site, then I–um–well, you look pretty good to me. Um, which pic was it. If it was a person that looked kinda dark and artistic, that is not me. It is Brian Molko, a singer. If it was a two person pic, that is me. It is still there, but you have to look for it in my journal entries. But if it is the second pic you were looking at, why thank you for the compliment…if not, then I hope your happy with Bri!(Did that sound rude? I hope not.) ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2001, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/83 "2001-07-20T22:50:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dlgirl \* > Um, which pic was it. If it was a person that looked kinda dark and artistic, that is not me. It is Brian Molko, a singer. \*\* Agh! You’re right! It is a guy! The eye shadow & lipstick threw me off (razzin frazzin head shots…). I haven’t found a pic of you yet. Of course, I consciously avoided putting any pics of myself on my website, so I won’t complain. much. ---
**Author:** ![VitrolicBump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a587f6/32.png) [@VitrolicBump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VitrolicBump)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2001, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/84 "2001-07-20T22:52:47Z")
It is in one of the comment parts of a journal entry. Wait and I’ll see if I can find it. So, you got thrown off by a guy. So, was he beautiful? Think so. ---
**Author:** ![VitrolicBump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a587f6/32.png) [@VitrolicBump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VitrolicBump)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2001, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/85 "2001-07-20T23:01:49Z")
Found it. It is in the “comment on this” part of my journal on Wednesday, July 18, 2001 at 1:28 am. [hijack]Oh, and if anyone, and I mean _anyone_, wants to comment in my journal, that is fine by me. I haven’t had any so far.[/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2001, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/86 "2001-07-20T23:33:45Z")
Yeah, Molko’s cute. He was cuter when I thought he was a girl. As for you, well, you’re not giving us the same smoldering look in your picture, so I’ll have to imagine. Hmmmmm… OK, maybe “smoldering” isn’t you. But you don’t look bad… ---
**Author:** ![VitrolicBump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a587f6/32.png) [@VitrolicBump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VitrolicBump)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2001, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/87 "2001-07-20T23:46:26Z")
Thanks, I can do smoldering though, if you want me to.😉 I think Molko is pretty cute, but I could see your point saying that he would be cuter as a girl. He doesn’t really look like a girl, though. Take his makeup off and you can definitely see he is a guy. A very effeminate guy though. Wears women’s clothes and stuff. Okay, I am boring you and giving you TMI for this guy. You probably think I am stalking him or something, so ::waving:: toodles. ---
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/88 "2001-07-21T00:43:00Z")
18, and still a virgin. I’m not ready for sex yet, because I’m not ready for the possible consequences, such as pregnancy and/or disease, plus all the weird hang-ups that come from a physical relationship. The first thing I need to do is be ready for an EMOTIONAL relationship before I get involved in a physical one. Just my 1/50th of a dollar. Your mileage may vary. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/89 "2001-07-21T01:48:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BlackKnight \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by whiterabbit \* > > **Ooh, I haven’t been flirted with on this board before! 🙂** > > Well then, may I be your official flirt-buddy? 🙂 \*\* I’d be crazy to turn this down, wouldn’t I? 🙂 So…how _you_ doin’? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/90 "2001-07-21T02:37:50Z")
I’ve been celibate now for longer than I was virgin(married and divorced). Does that mean I get my virginity back? Snort, snicker, tee hee. ---
**Author:** ![JadedNaive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/59ef9b/32.png) [@JadedNaive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JadedNaive)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/91 "2001-07-21T03:04:15Z")
I lost my virginity in a one-night stand when I was 17 (I’m 18 now). Nothing since, not even a kiss. It made me realize that I’m in no hurry, and really need more time. As for pain, yeah, it hurt. Not that bad really, mostly just enough so I couldn’t enjoy it in the slightest. And it was hard, um, getting it in. Of course, I was really nervous (my first week at college, my first time, a guy I met four days previously) and he didn’t even know I was a virgin until he noticed the blood. Yeah, I know, but I was too shy to tell him. Afterward I bled for a full week. I also got a urinary tract infection. But none of this even compares to the emotional pain. I thought I was ready, but I was wrong. In short, I wish I was a virgin, and could still wait until I meet the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with. I’m jealous of all of you who still have that option. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/92 "2001-07-21T03:22:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JadedNaive \* > \*\* > > In short, I wish I was a virgin, and could still wait until I meet the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with. I’m jealous of all of you who still have that option. \*\* **JadedNaive** , don’t worry about it. I lost my virginity in a one night stand with a girl (she was only 17, I think), I’d never seen before or since. Yeah, it would have been nice to have lost it with someone I cared about, but that’s not how things worked out. Anyone who **won’t** marry you because you’re not a virgin, isn’t worth marrying to begin with. We put too much emphasis on virginity and sex in this society. The simple truth is, if you really care about someone, it doesn’t matter how many (if any at all) people they’ve slept with before you. I’ve been with women who’ve more partners than I have had, and it didn’t bother me in the least. The issue **isn’t** how many you’ve slept with in the past, its how much do you love this person you’re sleeping with now? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/93 "2001-07-21T03:27:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JadedNaive \* > …I’m jealous of all of you who still have that option. Don’t be. Whichever side of this mystical line you’re on has its own share of anxieties. It sounds like you did what you thought you wanted to at the time. And if it did turn out to be a mistake, then you learn all you can from it and live your life. So, don’t forget it, but don’t beat yourself up over it, either. ---
**Author:** ![VenusGirlTrap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/58956e/32.png) [@VenusGirlTrap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VenusGirlTrap)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/94 "2001-07-21T03:40:34Z")
Yea, I’m a virgin. I’m not really rushing to go have sex, but I’m not thinking I’ll wait till marriage either. I’m just hoping that I will know when the right time is…I’m 19, by the way. ---
**Author:** ![JadedNaive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/59ef9b/32.png) [@JadedNaive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JadedNaive)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/95 "2001-07-21T04:56:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > > Anyone who **won’t** marry you because you’re not a virgin, isn’t worth marrying to begin with. We put too much emphasis on virginity and sex in this society. The simple truth is, if you really care about someone, it doesn’t matter how many (if any at all) people they’ve slept with before you. I’ve been with women who’ve more partners than I have had, and it didn’t bother me in the least. The issue **isn’t** how many you’ve slept with in the past, its how much do you love this person you’re sleeping with now? ::nod:: I used to worry for a while about whether I’d fall in love with some great guy, then he’d find out I wasn’t a virgin and leave me. I ultimately did come to the conclusion that if that ever happens he probably won’t be worth marrying anyway. But it does still bother me how much emphasis society puts on girls to be virgins when they marry, to be able to “wear white and have it mean something.” > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Robot Arm_ > > It sounds like you did what you thought you wanted to at the time. And if it did turn out to be a mistake, then you learn all you can from it and live your life. So, don’t forget it, but don’t beat yourself up over it, either. As much as I regret my decision, I know that if it hadn’t happened then, it would have happened later. I’m the type of person who has to learn things the hard way, making lots of mistakes. I’m just lucky the right set of circumstances didn’t present itself earlier, like when I was 15 and unable to deal with it. And at least I do learn from my mistakes, rather than ignoring them. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/96 "2001-07-21T05:19:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JadedNaive \* > \*\* But it does still bother me how much emphasis society puts on girls to be virgins when they marry, to be able to “wear white and have it mean something.” > \*\* Try being a guy and being told that if you’re still a virgin (at any age), you’re a loser. I’m not trying to belittle your point, but both sexes have waaaay too much pressure put on them about sex. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/97 "2001-07-21T05:32:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JadedNaive \* > …But it does still bother me how much emphasis society puts on girls to be virgins when they marry, to be able to “wear white and have it mean something.” I thought that idea had faded away by now, do you really still notice it? And even if you do, I think the pressure is at least as great on men not to be virgins. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/98 "2001-07-21T05:33:05Z")
Me. And at least two of my gal friends, as far as I know. So there are at least 3 more. Our ages? Them: 37; me, 36. Really. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/99 "2001-07-21T05:44:32Z")
I just have to say that I’m proud of you all. I lost it at 16 to someone I barely knew, while drunk. I have regretted it for a long time. I am now 30 years old and have yet to meet the person that I want to spend my life with. A note to those that _want so badly_ to no longer be virgins: It’s not all it is cracked up to be. Honestly, I didn’t enjoy sex until I was in a relationship with someone I cared about deeply. Just doing the first person that comes along isn’t all that great. It will be something that you remember for the rest of your life, so make it count. ---
**Author:** ![AwSnappity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a3d4f5/32.png) [@AwSnappity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AwSnappity)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2001, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324/100 "2001-07-21T05:53:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Weirddave \* > **FUB, just an opinion here, and I’m certainly NOT urging you to do anything you don’t want to do, but “letting your parents down” is a lousy reason for abstinance. Your sexuality is YOURS, to use or not in what ever manner you see fit.** But I still have to live with them for two more years. Plus, I respect them too much and I don’t want to upset them. They’ve done too much for me and I feel that I owe it to them to refrain from activities they see as inappropriate for me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-hasnt-had-a-first/72324.md?page=6)