# Who here got married, for the first time, latest in life? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 20, 2016, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215 "2016-05-20T11:07:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Doyle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doyle/32/439_2.png) [@Doyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doyle)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2016, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/21 "2016-05-20T18:25:09Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Who woulda seen that comin’? Bambino on the way. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2016, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/22 "2016-05-20T18:47:30Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > • Sex > > Dear god this is embarrassing, but we haven’t “consummated”. > > Fuck you, porn! (And, likewise, fuck me.) > > Here I am, 50 years old, and thanks to the Internet, I’ve spent the last 20 years watching porn that features 18 - 25-year-old women. Skinny little young things. And now I have a 49-year-old wife … who looks like a 49-year-old woman. And holy crap, I love her so very very much, but my damned dick just wont get hard for her because I’ve spent 20 years looking at 20-year-olds with tiny tits and skinny waists and perky little asses, and now I can’t get it up for my appropriately-aged wife who looks like she should look at her age. Fuck me. Why not go to your doc and talk to him/her about cialis? It may just give you the spark you need and after a short time you might not need it anymore. Just to get things going as it were. There is no shame in looking for help. I got married six months ago at 45 for the first time. Asked her out at my 40th party and haven’t looked back. Was single for 20 years before that, had a good few very short things and one nighters etc but nothing that I would call close to a relationship. Was a big change for me sharing my space and time as I had got very used to it just being me and basically doing what I wanted when I wanted but I had it for a very long time and now I’m in a different phase of my life and loving it as now I have someone to share it with and everything seems more important and better. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2016, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/23 "2016-05-20T18:57:41Z")
Here we are on the wedding day. [![Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/7GWVc2b.jpeg "imgur.com") ](https://imgur.com/7GWVc2b) ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/24 "2016-05-21T00:45:14Z")
this is why I think no one should get married without having sex and living together for at least 6 months first. Find out if you’re compatible in all of the important ways first. Marrying someone you’re not sexually attracted to just sounds weird to me. Sex is a huge part of a romantic relationship; without it, you’re just friends or roommates. You could try viagra or similar. You could also try watching porn WITH her and see if that helps, if she’ll agree to that. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/25 "2016-05-21T01:20:51Z")
> [@yojimbo](#): > > Here we are on the wedding day. > > [Imgur: The magic of the Internet](http://imgur.com/7GWVc2b) That picture is so full of happiness! Congrats. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/26 "2016-05-21T04:24:13Z")
**Miater Rik** , you guys never did the courtship dance. From “oh hi” to “you may penetrate the bride”. On one hand, explore the rest of your sexuality. Go back to third and second base, and to other steps in between. Learn each other’s bodies, to the point where you know them better than your own (you can see and touch her back much better than your own!). And on the other, but please do both things, viagra isn’t for men who never can get it up; it’s to help with those occasions in which the upper head is willing and the lower one decides to act mopey. At your ages, many couples who were otherwise happily married, had lived in shared space for thirty years and raised kids succesfully (some already out of the nest, others still taking up space and making too much noise when they get home from a night out) used to find themselves unable to perform PiV. Some did what my grandmother once called “everything a man and a woman can do together while one of them has underwear on”, others stopped any attempts at intimacy. Now there’s a third option, but please don’t let an obsession with penetrative sex keep you guys from enjoying its other forms. And **yojimbo** , you two look completely squeeable. I grinned. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/27 "2016-05-21T04:28:02Z")
> [@Doyle](#): > > Bambino on the way. Sorry. My sarcasm didn’t bleed through. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/28 "2016-05-21T07:25:23Z")
> [@yojimbo](#): > > Here we are on the wedding day. > > [Imgur: The magic of the Internet](http://imgur.com/7GWVc2b) A very happy looking couple! > [@spamforbrains](#): > > this is why I think no one should get married without having sex and living together for at least 6 months first. Find out if you’re compatible in all of the important ways first. > Marrying someone you’re not sexually attracted to just sounds weird to me. Sex is a huge part of a romantic relationship; without it, you’re just friends or roommates. > You could try viagra or similar. You could also try watching porn WITH her and see if that helps, if she’ll agree to that. My wife was 37 when we married. Her first, my second. We did not live or sleep together before our wedding night. We’ve been married 14 years and our sex life is great. She is very accommodating and I like to please her. Mornings are our best times. To the OP, I cannot understand a sex-less marriage. Sex and physical intimacy are other ways we express our love for each other. I second the recommendations for Cialis or another ED assist meds for you. Or, if your wife is accommodating, she can help raise the dead with a little oral stimulation, not necessarily until you come but enough to get you hard and then you can enter her. Maybe you can close your eyes and pretend she is that 20-something with that perky ass and tight titties. We are human and generally speaking, we all need and can enjoy the physical intimacy. ---
**Author:** ![kiz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7feea3/32.png) [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/29 "2016-05-21T09:23:17Z")
Given everything you’ve already posted about this relationship, Rik, my money is that your marriage is more friendship based than anything else. I know of at least two couples, both of whom married _late_. Have no idea about their sex lives, but I do know that in both cases the marriage rode on the heels of deep friendship and not wanting to live alone. I think one could say the same about your marriage. What Nava said is also true – you guys never did the courtship dance. My husband and I never went through the newlywed period of our marriage because we were too busy/exhausted taking care of my mother. After she passed, we couldn’t return to it. We probably never well. We’ve adjusted our expectations as a result. Are we happy? In many ways, yes. But in many ways also, no. If the circumstances surrounding our courtship/early marriage were different, our marriage would certainly be much different from what it is now. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/30 "2016-05-21T09:53:35Z")
It doesn’t necessarily matter if your wife can’t give you an erection automatically… some wives are happy to turn their husband on manually. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/31 "2016-05-21T10:00:30Z")
Also if you have a good imagination (I don’t) then you might be able to get an erection fantasizing about the girls you’d see in porn when you’re with your wife. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/32 "2016-05-21T13:45:42Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > It doesn’t necessarily matter if your wife can’t give you an erection automatically… some wives are happy to turn their husband on manually. Insert “driving a stick” joke here … ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/33 "2016-05-21T13:58:18Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > Insert “driving a stick” joke here … “Double clutch” rejoinder goes here, followed by “overdrive” quip. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/34 "2016-05-21T14:23:38Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Also if you have a good imagination (I don’t) then you might be able to get an erection fantasizing about the girls you’d see in porn when you’re with your wife. And if you want to be a TOTAL jerk, your wife doesn’t even have to be there. ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/35 "2016-05-21T20:59:59Z")
From my limited experience with porn (tended to fall asleep) it gives men a lot of very strange ideas about what real sex is like and what women like. There are endless numbers of ways to satisfy a woman. Perhaps browse some sex toy stores online? I hear (but have not experienced) that an erection is not necessary to satisfy a man. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/36 "2016-05-21T22:01:52Z")
> [@spamforbrains](#): > > I hear (but have not experienced) that an erection is not necessary to satisfy a man. No it’s not. Nor is it necessary for orgasm. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/37 "2016-05-21T23:23:42Z")
> [@spamforbrains](#): > > From my limited experience with porn (tended to fall asleep) WTF are you watching? _Debbie Does Dalmane_? _Dopey Throat_? _Fifty Shades of Grey_? ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/38 "2016-05-22T00:01:51Z")
> [@](#): > > Quote: > Originally Posted by spamforbrains View Post > From my limited experience with porn (tended to fall asleep) > WTF are you watching? Debbie Does Dalmane? Dopey Throat? Fifty Shades of Grey? I don’t know, it seemed kind of vanilla stuff, PIV, nothing really weird. Current sex partner suggests watching porn. I agree to try watching it. It’s boring beyond belief and/or somewhat disgusting. This has happened with two different partners. Most women aren’t into porn as far as I am aware. I’m not visually aroused which is normal for women. Very into sex though. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/39 "2016-05-22T00:18:45Z")
> [@spamforbrains](#): > > Most women aren’t into porn as far as I am aware. I’m not visually aroused which is normal for women. I think these are way too general and broad to claim. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/40 "2016-05-22T01:45:39Z")
We got married at 37, so you’re further along than us. The thing I was surprised by/had to get used to was: **She Knew Which Side of the Bed Was Hers** I got no choice in this. There was no argument. After years of lying in the middle of my bed, I expected to give up half, but I thought I’d get a say in which half. Nope. She gets the right side (when you’re lying down in it). Case closed, no discussion. I don’t mind this, I’m just surprised that this was a given. As far as sex, we’d been going out for quite a while, and took many test drives. Even if you didn’t, isn’t sexual attraction part of the package? Pepper Mill doesn’t look like a porn star, but I don’t care, and it’s not important. Nor is she my inner pervert’s sexual ideal, but that’s irrelevant, too. You can work on this, if you want. Mutual sexual arousal techniques can be learned. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215.md?page=3)