# Who here got married, for the first time, latest in life? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 20, 2016, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215 "2016-05-20T11:07:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/41 "2016-05-22T02:55:42Z")
> [@yojimbo](#): > > Here we are on the wedding day. > > [Imgur: The magic of the Internet](http://imgur.com/7GWVc2b) Very lovely. Congratulations! OP - everyone’s right. If this is bothering you, and it seems that it is, this is a solvable problem. From books on getting sexually close, to medications, to intimacy exercises, a lot can be done. I’m going to throw one more out there: stop drinking. Drinking can actually do more harm than good for arousal. Oh, and if you think it’s contributing to the problem, stop watching porn. No sexual outlet but the missus. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/42 "2016-05-22T10:19:23Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > And if you want to be a TOTAL jerk, your wife doesn’t even have to be there. I don’t think you capitalize “total” unless your wife isn’t there, but her niece _is_. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/43 "2016-05-23T02:58:48Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > **Miater Rik** , > > you guys never did the courtship dance. From “oh hi” to “you may penetrate the bride”. > > On one hand, explore the rest of your sexuality. Go back to third and second base, and to other steps in between. Learn each other’s bodies, to the point where you know them better than your own (you can see and touch her back much better than your own!). > > And on the other, but please do both things, viagra isn’t for men who never can get it up; it’s to help with those occasions in which the upper head is willing and the lower one decides to act mopey. > > At your ages, many couples who were otherwise happily married, had lived in shared space for thirty years and raised kids succesfully (some already out of the nest, others still taking up space and making too much noise when they get home from a night out) used to find themselves unable to perform PiV. Some did what my grandmother once called “everything a man and a woman can do together while one of them has underwear on”, others stopped any attempts at intimacy. Now there’s a third option, but please don’t let an obsession with penetrative sex keep you guys from enjoying its other forms. Aquesta és la raó T’estimo (hope that came out right - I used Google Translate and chose “Catalan” to translate “This is why I love you”. I’m normally accustomed to trying to translate to Mexican Spanish.) BTW, send me a private message to tell me where in Spain you live. I study history, and right now I’m into 16th century Europe, during the reign of Phillip II of Spain. (Mind-blowing thing to me: The Habsburgs were Spanish? I’d thought they were Austrian, what with the Vienna thing.) > [@Bullitt](#): > > To the OP, I cannot understand a sex-less marriage. Sex and physical intimacy are other ways we express our love for each other. I second the recommendations for Cialis or another ED assist meds for you. Or, if your wife is accommodating, she can help raise the dead with a little oral stimulation, not necessarily until you come but enough to get you hard and then you can enter her. > > Maybe you can close your eyes and pretend she is that 20-something with that perky ass and tight titties. I don’t want it to be sexless. She’s the one complaining that we haven’t fucked yet. I’m … stuck. I mentioned porn “ruining” me … I started _writing_ porn when I was 14 years old. 1980, long before the Internet. I had kinky fantasies, and wrote stories about them. The Internet (which I found in 1996, when I was 30) simply helped me to make them more realistic. > [@CalMeacham](#): > > We got married at 37, so you’re further along than us. > The thing I was surprised by/had to get used to was: > **She Knew Which Side of the Bed Was Hers** > I got no choice in this. There was no argument. After years of lying in the middle of my bed, I expected to give up half, but I thought I’d get a say in which half. Nope. She gets the right side (when you’re lying down in it). Case closed, no discussion. > > I don’t mind this, I’m just surprised that this was a given. Thankfully, she let me pick my side of the bed. Both of us were accustomed to sleeping alone in double/queen-size beds, alone. Now, I sleep on the left, closest to my nightstand, and she sleeps on the right. > [@](#): > > As far as sex, we’d been going out for quite a while, and took many test drives. Even if you didn’t, isn’t sexual attraction part of the package? Pepper Mill doesn’t look like a porn star, but I don’t care, and it’s not important. Nor is she my inner pervert’s sexual ideal, but that’s irrelevant, too. > > You can work on this, if you want. Mutual sexual arousal techniques can be learned. And we _are_ working on it. Just about got it done tonight. Not quite, but closer than before. Anyway … I’m a few days late getting back to this thread, and for good reason. The other threads, which some poster so kindly linked above, all turned into “pile on Mister Rik” situations, and I don’t like feeling like a moron, so I just dropped some of those threads and didn’t come back. The fact is, I AM married to this woman. I don’t need people telling me now what a bad mistake I’ve made. Whatever I’ve made … I’ve made it. Here it is. I have to live with it. And you know what? I’m happy with my decision. I have married a very broken woman, who has been married twice before, and has had numerous live-in boyfriends since her last marriage. Tonight I just had a conversation on Facebook with her son, in which he explained to me why he doesn’t talk to his mother, and why he is never gonna be my “stepson”, just like he hasn’t been the “stepson” to the last six “stepfathers” his mom has had. I told him that’s fine. I don’t expect to be his “stepfather” in anything beyond the legal definition. I don’t know him, he doesn’t know me. I have somehow, after 50 years, never made any enemies, and I don’t want to start now, so let’s me and him just try to be “friendly”. As far as my wife, and her faults (with which I’m becoming intimately aware) I’ll deal with it. I know this is the SDMB, and after 13 years I know how y’all are. But when it comes down to it, I’m a Christian, and I think God put me here for a reason. Maybe that reason was for me to help this broken woman, my wife. 1 Corinthians 13:7English Standard Version (ESV) 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Yeah, I’m doing that. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/44 "2016-05-23T13:50:07Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > I know this is the SDMB, and after 13 years I know how y’all are. But when it comes down to it, I’m a Christian, and I think God put me here for a reason. Maybe that reason was for me to help this broken woman, my wife. “Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother’s eye.” Luke 6:42 Mr. Rik, even Jesus couldn’t save those who didn’t choose to be saved, and all the good intentions in the world aren’t going to magically “fix” your wife. She has to want to change, otherwise all you’ll be doing is making her feel like she’s not good enough for you. Remember, she’s been married to/dated a string of abusive assholes who I’m sure made a point of telling her she’s bad and broken and useless. That’s how constructive criticism is going to sound to her. I’m sure your heart’s in the right place, but she needs professional mental help to sort out her issues, not a well-intentioned amateur. I posted the Luke verse for a reason. You can’t help her unless you admit to your own issues. The fact is, you’re attracted to young women. Every relationship and/or crush you’ve mentioned in your threads has been directed at a young girl/woman and it sometimes causes you to act… iffy. For example the waitress who worked for you at the old folks’ home, where you made a point of looking for her boyfriend at the store where he worked (yes, I know nothing came of it. The point is that you shouldn’t have done that.) That’s not porn’s fault, nor is it porn’s fault that you married a woman of a type you’re not attracted to. If sex matters to both of you, you’re going to need more help than “lie back and think of England.” I get that you want to make this work. Couples counseling, or go yourself if she can’t/won’t. You won’t be able to do it on your own. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/45 "2016-05-23T14:13:27Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > As far as my wife, and her faults (with which I’m becoming intimately aware) I’ll deal with it. And how is she dealing with your faults? Based on your previous threads you aren’t exactly the model of stability and mental health yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/46 "2016-05-23T14:13:28Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > I know this is the SDMB, and after 13 years I know how y’all are. But when it comes down to it, I’m a Christian, and I think God put me here for a reason. Maybe that reason was for me to help this broken woman, my wife. I can’t decide if this is sad or sick or both. You can be her husband _or_ you can be her therapist, but you can not be both. And, on second thought, if you’re seeing your wife as “broken” and your mission is to “fix” her, I’m leaning a bit more towards “sad”. You sound like you’ve given up on the whole “husband” thing and are going for the “rescuer” route. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/47 "2016-05-23T14:29:02Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > Tonight I just had a conversation on Facebook with her son, in which he explained to me why he doesn’t talk to his mother, and why he is never gonna be my “stepson”, just like he hasn’t been the “stepson” to the last six “stepfathers” his mom has had. Sounds like he needs a spanking. Obviously that isn’t going to work, but you could spank his mom. Hey! There’s an idea! ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/48 "2016-05-23T16:11:16Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > I know this is the SDMB, and after 13 years I know how y’all are. As an adult who is presumably not severely mentally deficient, what other reaction could you possibly expect, in this forum or any other? As slow-motion train wrecks go, yours is glacial. For months you’ve been merrily whistling and checking the timetables, researching maps to find the ideal intersection, loading your car with flammable materials, and siphoning enough gas from the tank to make sure you’ll run out the moment you straddle the track. When you inevitably get hit with 10,000 tons of locomotive, you’ll probably tell yourself that everything happens for a reason. And you’ll be right— the reason is that you took every step to ensure that it would. There’s no joy in this for anyone, participant or spectator. _Adieu_, and lotsa luck. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/49 "2016-05-23T20:09:07Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > I know this is the SDMB, and after 13 years I know how y’all are. But when it comes down to it, I’m a Christian, and I think God put me here for a reason. Maybe that reason was for me to help this broken woman, my wife. Ah, yes, the [Karpman Drama Triangle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle) strikes again: > [@](#): > > The Victim: The Victim’s stance is “Poor me!” The Victim feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. The Victim, if not being persecuted, will seek out a Persecutor and also a Rescuer who will save the day but also perpetuate the Victim’s negative feelings. > > The Rescuer: The rescuer’s line is “Let me help you.” A classic enabler, the Rescuer feels guilty if he/she doesn’t go to the rescue. Yet his/her rescuing has negative effects: It keeps the Victim dependent and gives the Victim permission to fail. The rewards derived from this rescue role are that the focus is taken off of the rescuer. When he/she focuses their energy on someone else, it enables them to ignore their own anxiety and issues. This rescue role is also very pivotal, because their actual primary interest is really an avoidance of their own problems disguised as concern for the victim’s needs. Right now the dials are set to her as Victim and you as Rescuer; how long do you think it will take for you to be switched to Persecutor? Honestly, do you think it’s a coincidence that she’s has four husbands but the fifth is going to be the one that fixes everything, right up until the point where he becomes just like the others? ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/50 "2016-05-23T20:13:25Z")
> [@yojimbo](#): > > Here we are on the wedding day. > > [Imgur: The magic of the Internet](http://imgur.com/7GWVc2b) Lovely! Congrats to you both. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/51 "2016-05-23T20:39:04Z")
I think y’all are making this way more complicated than it really is with the rescuer/victim stuff. And all the other stuff too, in my opinion. I have my suspicions that this is more about alcoholics finding drinking partners than anything else. They just gotta dress it up as romance cause they’re Christian. All alcoholics rationalize their crap. It’s nothing new, just a slightly different dance. More like helping each other drowned, than saving each other, to my mind. But then, it’s the internet so how could any of us possibly know? I’m going to hope my guess in wrong and wish you both great good luck! (In part because I think you’re REALLY gonna need it!) ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/52 "2016-05-23T22:14:33Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > Tonight I just had a conversation on Facebook with her son, in which he explained to me why he doesn’t talk to his mother, and why he is never gonna be my “stepson”, just like he hasn’t been the “stepson” to the last six “stepfathers” his mom has had. Was this after you asked him if he was going to change the last name of his children to yours? I mean, you seemed pretty excited about that a couple of months ago. You said you’d love it, but you never answered anyone’s question about why you even expected that as a possibility. Out of curiosity, did you get married in a religious ceremony? Do the people at your church have any comments that are measurably different from the SDMB comments? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/53 "2016-05-23T23:48:16Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > I have my suspicions that this is more about alcoholics finding drinking partners than anything else. They just gotta dress it up as romance cause they’re Christian. All alcoholics rationalize their crap. It’s nothing new, just a slightly different dance. That’s kinda sweet in its own way. Then again, I see _Leaving Las Vegas_ as a love story. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2016, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/54 "2016-05-24T02:50:33Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Take a laundry marker and put a mark on the inside of the neck (where the label is) of your work shirts. Works for me. Also it’s a fun, inexpensive way of adding spice and variety to your love life. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2016, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/55 "2016-05-24T02:58:53Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#): > > You can’t help her unless you admit to your own issues. The fact is, you’re attracted to young women. Every relationship and/or crush you’ve mentioned in your threads has been directed at a young girl/woman and it sometimes causes you to act… iffy. For example the waitress who worked for you at the old folks’ home, where you made a point of looking for her boyfriend at the store where he worked (yes, I know nothing came of it. The point is that you shouldn’t have done that.) That’s not porn’s fault, nor is it porn’s fault that you married a woman of a type you’re not attracted to. This is exactly correct. [From the Wikipedia article on Ephebophilia:](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia) > [@](#): > > Ephebophilia is used only to describe the preference for mid-to-late adolescent sexual partners, not the mere presence of some level of sexual attraction. Generally, the preference is not regarded by psychologists as a pathology **when it does not interfere with other major areas of one’s life,** and is not listed by name as a mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (DSM-5), the ICD-10, or as a paraphilia.\*\* However, the preference can sometimes be diagnosed as a disorder if it results in dysfunction or exploitative behavior,\*\* under the DSM specification 309.2, “Paraphilia Not Otherwise Specified” (bolding mine) Your ephebophilia has and continues to interfere with major areas of your life. It has certainly resulted in serous dysfunction - hence this thread. To reiterate what Azeotrope said above - that’s not porn’s fault. And it’s certainly not porn’s fault that you can’t resist talking about teeny titties or whatever. If you actually love this woman, please deal with your underlying problem. ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2016, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/56 "2016-05-24T07:42:22Z")
First, congratulations! I wasn’t that old when I got married (32) but was old enough that it entailed quite a few adjustments over personal space, etc. You get used to it, after some negotiating over stuff you can change vs. stuff you probably won’t be able to about you and your partner. For the sex, I’ll channel Dan Savage and say that sex isn’t all about the dick and the pussy. Get used to being with each other naked. Rub, kiss, lick, roll around with, etc. Don’t make it coitus-centered, and don’t pressure yourself to perform. Just enjoy happy-fun-naked-time with your wife. Plenty of lesbians don’t use phallic toys; you can get her off in any number of ways. She can have fun playing with you too, whether or not anything happens. The most important thing is that you guys work on it together and have fun doing it. Also, don’t give yourself another outlet. If you’re jerkin’ it to hot young t&a on the screen, your dick is going to laugh at you and claim that it already gave at the office when you ask it to stand up and be counted. Give him no other choice and I guaran-goddamn-tee you he will be like, “Hey, what’s this? Want MOAR!” eventually. * * * Just so you don’t feel like a freak, I know from personal experience that sex stuff is weird. The common anxiety when I was young was premature ejaculation. I masturbated _a lot_ from when I first figured it out when I was about 11, to the first time someone else touched my dick when I was nearly 18. And it was literally _years_ after that before I could reliably come from intercourse. Why? I’d trained myself to ridiculous levels of stamina in my masturbation sessions in the mistaken belief that lasting longer was always a good thing. It is **not** normal for a 20 year old to fuck for 5+ hours without coming. My first long-term girlfriend at the time was more than a little bit of a nymphomaniac kinkster, but even she would tap out, or I’d end up with chafing problems to go along with blue-balls like you wouldn’t believe. Eventually, it got better. It took “practice” and basically carving new neural pathways, but it got better. Now, I’m an average dude who finishes in an average amount of time. Yay? 😕 Just look what you have to look forward to! A future of mediocracy like mine awaits. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2016, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/57 "2016-05-24T14:59:38Z")
Katharine Wright, Orville and Wilbur’s sister, got married for the first time in her fifties to a man she’d known as a student at Oberlin College (Orville did not take it well, unfortunately). Love can bloom at any age. > **[Katharine Wright Haskell](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katharine_Wright)** > > Katharine Wright Haskell (August 19, 1874 – March 3, 1929) was the younger sister of aviation pioneers Wilbur and Orville Wright. She worked closely with her brothers, managing their bicycle shop in Dayton, Ohio, when they were away; acting as their right-hand woman and general factotum in Europe; assisting with their voluminous correspondence and business affairs; and providing a sounding board for their far-ranging ideas. She pursued a professional career as a high school teacher in Dayton, at ... ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2016, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/58 "2016-05-26T00:18:45Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#): > > Mr. Rik, even Jesus couldn’t save those who didn’t choose to be saved, and all the good intentions in the world aren’t going to magically “fix” your wife. She has to want to change, otherwise all you’ll be doing is making her feel like she’s not good enough for you. Remember, she’s been married to/dated a string of abusive assholes who I’m sure made a point of telling her she’s bad and broken and useless. That’s how constructive criticism is going to sound to her. And that’s why I’m not offering her any criticism, constructive or otherwise. I’m just showing her love and _showing_ her that I think she’s a worthwhile person. > [@](#): > > I posted the Luke verse for a reason. You can’t help her unless you admit to your own issues. The fact is, you’re attracted to young women. Every relationship and/or crush you’ve mentioned in your threads has been directed at a young girl/woman and it sometimes causes you to act… iffy. I know my own issues, and I’ve admitted them to her. Though I didn’t go into any specifics about my past “crushes”. Especially because one of them (the big one I made a thread about) was the same woman who volunteered to do all of our wedding photography for free (and who happened to break up with her boyfriend within two weeks of Mrs. Rik and I announcing our engagement). > [@Penfeather](#): > > Right now the dials are set to her as Victim and you as Rescuer; how long do you think it will take for you to be switched to Persecutor? Honestly, do you think it’s a coincidence that she’s has four husbands but the fifth is going to be the one that fixes everything, right up until the point where he becomes just like the others? Just to clarify, I’m actually only her _third_ husband. In contrast (/comparison?), my mom is my stepfather’s fifth wife, and they’ve been married happily for more than 20 years now, after some _very_ rough patches in the beginning. > [@Frank](#): > > Was this after you asked him if he was going to change the last name of his children to yours? I mean, you seemed pretty excited about that a couple of months ago. You said you’d love it, but you never answered anyone’s question about why you even expected that as a possibility. I never actually asked him about that, and didn’t honestly expect it anyway. > [@](#): > > Out of curiosity, did you get married in a religious ceremony? Do the people at your church have any comments that are measurably different from the SDMB comments? Yes, we were married by my pastor, after some premarital counseling. It was a very small cermony. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2016, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/59 "2016-05-27T13:01:42Z")
**Mr. Rik,** all I can say is I hope you two work things out and I wish you the best. For realsies. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2016, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215/60 "2016-05-27T15:01:56Z")
My wife was 54 when we married, it was her first. She said she never found someone she felt she could live with any length of time and she was doing fine on her own. Don’t know why I was the one. For me, it was my third. Her only real regret was no having any children. Her brother, he is now 57, has never married and likely never will. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-got-married-for-the-first-time-latest-in-life/755215.md?page=2)