# Who here has caught either parent masterbating? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 21, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031 "2003-07-21T22:52:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/21 "2003-07-22T22:21:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by karomon \* > \*\*I can, however, recount the time I found my moms dildo. > > What did I do? I used it.\*\* Used it for what? Stirring pancake batter? Croquet stake? If you used it for a baseball bat, suddenly I know a lot more about you and your mother than I needed to. ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/22 "2003-07-22T22:46:44Z")
I found my mom’s massager, it was one of those hard pink plastic things that looks vaguely phallic, \* of course it’s only shaped like that to get into all those hard to reach sore muscle areas, I guess that’s also why it’s pink.\* I also found what I assume were my dad’s visual aids a.k.a. “art books”. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/23 "2003-07-22T23:13:38Z")
I am laughing my ass off because I was horrified by the thread title, yet clicked anyway. And now, to those of you who have caught your parents masturbating or have found evidence, I can only say one thing: **HA HA** Cause I know my parents are only into sex for procreation. In fact, they’ve only had sex twice…once to have me and once to have my brother. [sub]_I would have gone with the immaculate conception idea, but only the Devil could have spawned my brother…or was that me?_[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Cruktar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d9b06d/32.png) [@Cruktar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cruktar)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/24 "2003-07-23T00:45:05Z")
I haven’t, thank God, but a friend of mine has run across his mom’s Motion Lotion and pornography, as well as accidentally finding her dildo (when it switched itself on) between her mattresses. Ewww. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/25 "2003-07-23T03:05:16Z")
Like **hillbilly queen** , I found my mother’s vibrator and believed it was a massager for several years. It was one of those cheap white plastic types sold in catalogs with a picture of someone using on their face. I figured out what it really was by the time I hit puberty, but she finally learned to keep it out of sight. I’ve never caught my mother masturbating (I was raised by her alone) but I know of at least one occasion when I could be certain that’s what she was doing. The looooooong silent time in her room with the door shut, the book on sex left out and the wet spot on the mattress afterward all gave it away. (We had a small house, and my mother is anything but careful.) I was annoyed, amused, and then annoyed again, but not disgusted. Annoyed because she had been such a paranoiac about _me_ masturbating - questioning me about what I might be using Vaseline for, hammering on the bathroom door anytime I was in there more than 2 minutes, etc. Amused because, well, she went and did the same things I did behind closed doors. It was one of those experiences that tends to reduce a parent to a human level in their child’s eyes. Annoyed again because all of the above revealed that my mother was a hypocrite. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/26 "2003-07-23T03:12:04Z")
Well, I can positively say MY parents **never** did it. I was adopted and am an only child. They certainly wouldn’t have been having sex (together or alone) for _fun_ would they? **Lizard** , I would have been totally pissed at the double standard. Too bad it wasn’t something you could have called her on! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Artemius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Artemius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Artemius)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/27 "2003-07-23T16:51:19Z")
I once arrived at my parent’s house unnannounced one afternoon (Mom not home) and surprised my Dad (80 yrs old) in the lazy boy abruptly zipping up his pants. Sigue 3 yrs down the road. In the hospital room with my comatose Dad who was dying from complications of aortic aneuyrism surgery and thumbing thru his hospital chart…specifically the admission history and physical. Boy was I shocked to read that the doctor said his physical examination was unremarkable except for a penile implant! Don’t know what possessed me but I couldn’t resist lifting up the covers for a peek. Holy Cow! My dad had a schlong that John Holmes would’ve been proud of. I know, DISGUSTING! ---
**Author:** ![Flowerchild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/858c86/32.png) [@Flowerchild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flowerchild)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/28 "2003-07-23T17:32:59Z")
Worse, I gound pictures of my parents masturbating, At least A stack of pictures, the first of which showed that, I was too busy burning my corneas with bleach to look at the rest. ---
**Author:** ![X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbe5ce/32.png) [@X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X_Slayer_ALE)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/29 "2003-07-23T17:49:32Z")
OK everyone, for **Flowerchild** … EEEEWWWWWWW!!! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Capcha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Capcha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capcha)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/30 "2003-07-23T17:50:54Z")
well thank goodness i didn’t see them. Once i stayed up late (small appartment) watching tv. As i walked to my room, i wanted to open my parent’s door (to have air circulation). I found it odd that the handle turned but the door was stuck. (there were no locks on these doors) and i immediatly stoped and continued quietly to my room. glad i did because the next day, as i am helping mother fold the laundry, i found a little plastic pouch with a smiling banana drawn on it. I snickered and gave it to my mom. She laughed (bless her good sense of humor) and gave it to my dad. He left room quite fast 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ender\_Will](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Ender\_Will](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ender_Will)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/31 "2003-07-23T20:18:00Z")
My stepdad tells me one day, “Hey Ender, can you mow the lawn some time today” I say, “Sure.” Half an hour later, I go get the mower out of the garage, quite an arduous process in an of itself, and take it around back. Now, my parent’s bedroom has a large window facing the backyard. I get to the lawn, begin the even more arduous process of actually _starting_ the mower, hear “AHH FUCK!” glance over and see, through aforementioned window, the stepdad nude on the bed, scrambling for the covers, holding a magazine. There didn’t appear to be many _words_ in said magazine, but beyond that I didn’t notice. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/32 "2003-07-23T20:28:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 5U1C1D3 \* > \*\*because the next day, as i am helping mother fold the laundry, i found a little plastic pouch with a smiling banana drawn on it. I snickered and gave it to my mom. She laughed (bless her good sense of humor) and gave it to my dad. > > He left room quite fast 😃 \*\* Um…I don’t get it. What’s up with the smiling banana? ---
**Author:** ![TelcontarStorm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3ab097/32.png) [@TelcontarStorm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TelcontarStorm)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/33 "2003-07-23T20:33:35Z")
Yup, sure did. Worse od it was I was going into the bathroom with a male friend for whom I was getting something. (what I no longer remember) So we _both_ had the joy of withnessing my Father sitting on the toilet with his issue of (get this!) \*\* Civil War Illustrated\*\* whackin’ away. We didn’t say a damn word and neither did he, I just slammed the door closed at lightning speed, went back into my bedroom and laughed ourselves silly. It took me over 10 years before I could even listen to anything that remotly had to do with the American Civil War. ---
**Author:** ![X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbe5ce/32.png) [@X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X_Slayer_ALE)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/34 "2003-07-23T22:52:24Z")
Well as they say… The _SOUTH_ shall rise again!!! …especially wit the introduction of viagra 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Capcha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Capcha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capcha)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/35 "2003-07-24T02:17:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lord Ashtar \* > \*\*Um…I don’t get it. What’s up with the smiling banana? \*\* errr…didn’t you ever in your life heard the penis being called or associated to a banana? The smiling banana was the logo on that plastic pouch…which was a condom, you see… ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/36 "2003-07-24T03:11:07Z")
What’s with all the ewwww? 75% of people admit to masterbating and the other 25% lie about it. Which group are y’all in? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/37 "2003-07-24T03:57:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TelcontarStorm \* > **Yup, sure did. Worse od it was I was going into the bathroom with a male friend for whom I was getting something. (what I no longer remember) So we _both_ had the joy of withnessing my Father sitting on the toilet with his issue of (get this!) \*\* Civil War Illustrated** whackin’ away. We didn’t say a damn word and neither did he, I just slammed the door closed at lightning speed, went back into my bedroom and laughed ourselves silly. > > It took me over 10 years before I could even listen to anything that remotly had to do with the American Civil War. \*\* Ah, yes. The infamous Civil War Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/38 "2003-07-24T04:11:38Z")
I’m guessing it was a long article on Gen. Hooker, and his famous followers, m’self. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/39 "2003-07-24T04:59:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TelcontarStorm \* > **Yup, sure did. Worse od it was I was going into the bathroom with a male friend for whom I was getting something. (what I no longer remember) So we _both_ had the joy of withnessing my Father sitting on the toilet with his issue of (get this!) \*\* Civil War Illustrated** whackin’ away. We didn’t say a damn word and neither did he, I just slammed the door closed at lightning speed, went back into my bedroom and laughed ourselves silly. > > It took me over 10 years before I could even listen to anything that remotly had to do with the American Civil War. \*\* OMG. It rarely literally happens, but I just busted a gut laughing loudly to this post. ---
**Author:** ![Shana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@Shana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shana)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031/40 "2003-07-24T06:04:37Z")
Well, my parents don’t have sexual feelings of any kind. I was dropped off by a stork. I know for a fact that they have never engaged in anything even remotely resembling masturbation. I just know. Okay?!? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-here-has-caught-either-parent-masterbating/190031.md?page=3)