# Who in the hell stole my goddamn socks? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 23, 2004, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612 "2004-05-23T03:18:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/1 "2004-05-23T03:18:21Z")
All I want out of life is one (1) pair of socks. Not even a pair. They don’t have to match. I don’t care if one has a grey bottom and is a crew sock while the other has a gold toe and is a footie. I just want two (2) socks. When I started doing laundry I had socks. Each load of laundry contained socks. But I take a shower and look for socks. No socks. I dig through every scrap of laundry. No socks. Someone has stolen my goddamn socks and they are going to regret it! Julie–currently wearing one crew sock and one kneehigh nylon under her shoes ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/2 "2004-05-23T10:55:27Z")
Was this at your home, at an apartment complex laundry room, or a laundromat? Who the heck would steal only the socks? It IS possible they have finally evolved into a new life form: I organized all of my office supplies, and now have one and a half shoebox-sized storage boxes worth of pens (ballpoint, stick, and gels). These are the ones that still write, so they must have been a matched pair in their previous incarnation. I threw away about 50 non-working pens, so these must have previously been the single/unmatched, holey, or stretched-beyond-belief-kneesocks-that-hug-yer-ankles socks that are completely unwearable. So, it is likely that I have your socks, and they have found a new purpose in life. screech “I abhor wearing unmatched socks” -owl ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/3 "2004-05-23T12:07:43Z")
You didn’t mention whether or not you had made the proper prayers and sacrifices to the Sock God. Did you forget the inscense or the chanting? Remember, regular appeasement of this mighty Being ensures that your socks will remain, whole, healthy, and paired. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/4 "2004-05-23T12:23:27Z")
As Erma Bombeck put it: They went to live with Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/5 "2004-05-23T13:33:21Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > As Erma Bombeck put it: They went to live with Jesus. Yea, verily, today shall be known as “All Soles’ Day”, where the the sick shall be heeled, and the weary shall be comfor-toed. The rest will be darned to heck. ouch. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/6 "2004-05-23T13:44:19Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > As Erma Bombeck put it: They went to live with Jesus. My mother would say that this is a Sign from God that **jsgoddess** is supposed to go sockless. Now me, back when I used to wear socks, I’d buy six or a dozen pairs of the exact same kind of socks. And I mean EXACTLY the same, I wouldn’t buy the packages of multiple pairs that were similar, but had a different stripe at the top. This way, when one got lost or worn out, I could still make five or eleven pairs of socks. I don’t wear regular socks these days, it’s either compression stockings or I have elastic bandages wrapped around my legs. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/7 "2004-05-23T15:14:03Z")
Drat. In my haste to appease the Sock God, I think I left out the incense. Will Eau de Stinky Feet Sweating in Shoes Without Socks suffice? Sock by sock they are returning to me. I feel like Bo Peep, only my charges are static-clinged to the underside of a comforter. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/8 "2004-05-23T15:15:48Z")
> [@Lynn Bodoni](#): > > My mother would say that this is a Sign from God that **jsgoddess** is supposed to go sockless. My god, woman! That’s like suggesting I stop watching reruns of Magnum p.i.! It’s like condeming me to a life without cauliflower. It’s insanity! ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/9 "2004-05-23T20:22:03Z")
Oh, I never pay any attention to Signs from God. I just do whatever I was gonna do in the first place. But then, I’m an atheist. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/10 "2004-05-23T20:27:50Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Drat. In my haste to appease the Sock God, I think I left out the incense. > > Will Eau de Stinky Feet Sweating in Shoes Without Socks suffice? > > Sock by sock they are returning to me. I feel like Bo Peep, only my charges are static-clinged to the underside of a comforter. _…And Og said. " Where was the darn dryer sheet?"_ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/11 "2004-05-23T20:37:49Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Drat. In my haste to appease the Sock God, I think I left out the incense… You could always torch a Dr. Scholl’s Odor Eater Insert in a pinch. ---
**Author:** ![CalH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3ab097/32.png) [@CalH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalH)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/12 "2004-05-23T20:47:50Z")
Be careful. There are a lot of sickos out there. The next time you see some guy walking down the street with your socks in his hand sniffing them with a look of pure satisfaction on his face, I suggest you revaluate the path you are taking down the road. ---
**Author:** ![CalH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3ab097/32.png) [@CalH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalH)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/13 "2004-05-23T20:58:36Z")
> [@](#): > > But then, I’m an atheist. Yeah yeah, wait till the next annual budget. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/14 "2004-05-23T21:40:53Z")
The sole motivation for me to actually finish laundry duties is gleefully throwing out all the leftover sock orphans. I know, I know, I’m sure Martha could come up with 42 perfectly good ways to recycle single socks, but I wouldn’t get the sheer joy outta throwing them away then, see? Then, when one of the random fellas turns up somewhere later, I don’t have to wonder if there’s a mate somewhere and can just chuck that one too. This method, while it does wonders for the soul, surely leads to a marked increase in sock purchases. My little part of helping the cotton farmers, charity begins at home. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/15 "2004-05-23T22:02:57Z")
> [@Queen Tonya](#): > > … I’m sure Martha could come up with 42 perfectly good ways to recycle single socks… \*😛 PUPPET TIME!!! 😛 \* ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/16 "2004-05-23T22:06:31Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Who in the hell stole my goddamn socks? I did. I’m sorry. I’ve been making sock puppets. [Phoebe]Now it’s your cute widdle bunny friend![/pheebs] iii^\ /` p \>:D\< ---
**Author:** ![Studioworks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/54ee81/32.png) [@Studioworks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Studioworks)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2004, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/17 "2004-05-23T23:42:50Z")
I had to put all my socks in a locking tool box to prevent evaporation ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/18 "2004-05-24T00:57:00Z")
Do you have cats? One of our cats, Piper Grace has been known to steal stray socks she finds in the laundry. I’ve caught her carrying them around from time to time. ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/19 "2004-05-24T01:53:15Z")
Don’t you know? Haven’t you heard? The dryer shoots them out the dryer vent hose, out of the vent and up into the sky. That just HAS to be where they go, because I too have sock orphans and spend inordinate amounts of time trying to match up mine, the hubbies and the kids socks! Or, conversely, some little sock munchkin eater sneaks in, shoves them down his pants, and then gleefully scampers off with them. There is no logical explanation and those are the theories I’m stickin’ with. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AbbySthrnAccent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@AbbySthrnAccent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbbySthrnAccent)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612/20 "2004-05-24T03:46:12Z")
Have you reported them to [The Bureau of Missing Socks](http://www.funbureau.com/)? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-in-the-hell-stole-my-goddamn-socks/246612.md?page=2)