# Who is a bigger pain in the butt in a relationship the man or the woman? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 29, 2008, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729 "2008-09-29T16:31:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Frustrated\_Wonderer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a4c791/32.png) [@Frustrated\_Wonderer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frustrated_Wonderer)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/1 "2008-09-29T16:31:28Z")
This thread is meant for fun conversation, light-hearted disagreements. 😃 If this gets too heated, then the MODS have all the right to delete it. Generally speaking, women are considered more “complicated” than men. Men are generally more “apathetic” in relationships that womens. Having stated that, feel free to disagree add things, subtract things or whatever. So, who is a bigger pain in the butt in relationships, men or women (generally speaking, of course) ? ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/2 "2008-09-29T16:41:36Z")
It is in the man’s best interest to assume that _he_ is the bigger pain in the butt, regardless of his own POV in this matter… Trust me on this. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/3 "2008-09-29T16:43:20Z")
The other person. ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/4 "2008-09-29T16:45:00Z")
Speaking as a woman, it’s clearly ALWAYS the man’s fault. Ergo, he is the bigger pain. YMMV. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/5 "2008-09-29T16:46:48Z")
“Where do you see us five years from now?” Case closed. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/6 "2008-09-29T16:53:58Z")
Speaking as a woman, it’s always the WOMAN who is the bigger pain in the butt. Except for me, of course. 😛 But honestly, **runner pat** nailed it in one - it’s always the other one. ---
**Author:** ![New\_Beginning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@New\_Beginning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/New_Beginning)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/7 "2008-09-29T16:57:15Z")
It’s not always the other person. Usually one person is a bigger pain in the butt than the other, but I’ve seen equal representation amongst couples. In the case of my girlfriend and I, we’re both pretty damn annoying at times. ---
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/8 "2008-09-29T17:02:03Z")
Let X represent women and Y represent men and W will represent the state of wrongness. If X + Y, then Y will always be W. If X + X, then whichever X is not using this formula is W. If X + Y + X, then both Y and the secondary X are W. If Y + Y, then neither are W until observed by X. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/9 "2008-09-29T17:02:58Z")
Superman. ---
**Author:** ![Dublin11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Dublin11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dublin11)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/10 "2008-09-29T17:20:43Z")
> [@Frustrated\_Wonderer](#): > > This thread is meant for fun conversation, light-hearted disagreements. 😃 > > If this gets too heated, then the MODS have all the right to delete it. > > Generally speaking, women are considered more “complicated” than men. > > Men are generally more “apathetic” in relationships that womens. > > Having stated that, feel free to disagree add things, subtract things or whatever. > > So, who is a bigger pain in the butt in relationships, men or women (generally speaking, of course) ? Only a bisexual person can answer that, seeing as they’ve more than likely had relationships with men and with women. Anyone who’s only ever had relationships with one gender has a skewed perception, surely. ---
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/11 "2008-09-29T17:25:03Z")
> [@Dublin11](#): > > Only a bisexual person can answer that, seeing as they’ve more than likely had relationships with men and with women. > Anyone who’s only ever had relationships with one gender has a skewed perception, surely. Good point. Joking aside, I’ve never found either gender to have a lead on the other as far as being pains in the ass. Men can be just as clingy and controlling as the most stereotypical woman; women can be as apathetic and thoughtless as a sitcom husband. There might be tendencies towards certain behaviors, which end up being more common in one gender than the other, but it all comes down to how two personalities interact. But usually it’s the woman’s fault. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/12 "2008-09-29T17:26:32Z")
[points randomly] HIM! It’s HIS fault! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/13 "2008-09-29T17:31:20Z")
Moved to IMHO, with a vote for “it’s a tie.” ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/14 "2008-09-29T18:17:02Z")
We must first seal X and Y in a box with a sample of an unstable isotope. Who am I kidding. X and Y in a box is about as unstable as it gets, the isotope is redundant. And I pity the fool opening the box to collapse the quantum wave function. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/15 "2008-09-29T18:25:07Z")
Usually IMO, women are bigger pains the butt. Men get upset over actions, but women just as often get upset over INaction. “You don’t do this, you don’t do that.” Women get upset over perceived slights and the way they had _expected_ things to be. And the men will not be informed as to what these perceived slights and expections actually are, they’re just expected to know already. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/16 "2008-09-29T18:34:37Z")
For a variety or social and biological reasons women are generally wired to monitor relationships more closely than men. Women are typically more involved in maintaining, assessing (and obsessing over the state of) the relationship, so they will generally come off as bigger pains. This is not to say men universally behave well in relationships, but being “a pain” generally denotes an active level of engagement. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/17 "2008-09-29T18:49:43Z")
A woman once slapped me (on the arm, playfully but still firmly) because the guy she _wanted_ to slap was out of reach. 😃 Several women over the years have gotten mad at me for things I did in their dreams. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/18 "2008-09-29T19:06:30Z")
It has been my experience (both my own and over many friends) that females are more prone to physical violence and general abuse than males. The problem is that males are not generally allowed to retaliate unless they want law enforcement to be called. I have been bitten, kicked, punched, and bitch slapped by a few females. Keep in mind that these are females from top colleges. Most females adore me and they consist of most of my friends. I have always treated them like gold. However, their is a large group of unstable females out there that are simply dangerous to put it nicely. It simply is not safe to trust them and you can only counter their strikes defensively unless you want to end up in jail. I am trying to train my young daughters to treat males with respect and it seems to be working well. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/19 "2008-09-29T19:14:22Z")
I’m reminded of the saying: > [@](#): > > “No matter how hot she is, someone, somewhere, is sick of her shit” ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/20 "2008-09-29T19:20:11Z")
The proper time to wait after the question “does this make me look fat?” is 1.7 seconds followed by a simple ‘no’ and nothing else. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729.md?page=2)