# Who is a bigger pain in the butt in a relationship the man or the woman? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 29, 2008, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729 "2008-09-29T16:31:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![akennett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee59a6/32.png) [@akennett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akennett)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/21 "2008-09-29T19:21:01Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > [points randomly] > > HIM! It’s HIS fault! No, no, no. You got it all wrong, baby. It’s not how it looks. I mean, she just stopped breathing, and I happened to catch her as she was passing out and falling down. I had to start mouth-to-mouth right there standing up, see… ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/22 "2008-09-29T19:29:58Z")
Assholeism is not gender specific. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/23 "2008-09-29T19:33:33Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > Usually IMO, women are bigger pains the butt. Men get upset over actions, but women just as often get upset over INaction. “You don’t do this, you don’t do that.” Women get upset over perceived slights and the way they had _expected_ things to be. And the men will not be informed as to what these perceived slights and expections actually are, they’re just expected to know already. If you don’t already know what’s wrong, then I’m not going to tell you. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/24 "2008-09-29T19:38:25Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > If you don’t already know what’s wrong, then I’m not going to tell you. Exactly! We’re punished for ignorance as well as impoliteness. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/25 "2008-09-29T19:50:50Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > Several women over the years have gotten mad at me for things I did in their dreams. _looks sheepish_ Yeah, I did this once, long ago. Sorry. In my defence, it has been a never-ending source of amusement to him. ---
**Author:** ![Sanity\_Challenged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de053/32.png) [@Sanity\_Challenged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sanity_Challenged)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/26 "2008-09-29T20:57:30Z")
Let’s not forget the importance of the lunar cycle to this discussion. At least once a month, the bigger pain in the butt is clearly the werewolf ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/27 "2008-09-29T21:05:02Z")
Me, definitely. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/28 "2008-09-29T23:36:29Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > Several women over the years have gotten mad at me for things I did in their dreams. 😃 I have _woken up_ furious at my boyfriend for something he did in my dream…and then I look over, realize he’s asleep and it never happened… And then I have that curious sensation of still being mad, for absolutely no reason. Who gets mad about something that never happened? To be fair I’ve also been horribly upset by dreams (not necessarily involving my boyfriend) and even when I wake up, I’m still residually upset by the _idea_ of whatever it was. And when my boyfriend DOES wake up, I always make sure to tell him how his Dream Self screwed up and made me furious, and we laugh about it. Re: the OP, it all depends on who emptied the dishwasher last. ---
**Author:** ![BrknButterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/439d5e/32.png) [@BrknButterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrknButterfly)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/29 "2008-09-30T00:37:36Z")
I think it depends on the situation and the people involved. In my last relationship (we were married) I was the problem because with some extra money we had come into I told him that he should go and get a new snowmobile. It was his main hobby. He worked a ton of OT and was always on call. So he got a bonus. I wanted him to do something for himself. He got upset with me because he was saving it and putting it towards “our future” and I didn’t care enough about our future to want to save it. I just wanted him to do something nice for himself. So I guess I suck… ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/30 "2008-09-30T00:56:03Z")
Since all my relationships have been same-sex, I have to say the bigger pain in the butt is always the man. Sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/31 "2008-09-30T01:02:31Z")
Steven Wright said it best: > [@](#): > > Women. Can’t live with 'em; can’t shoot 'em. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/32 "2008-09-30T01:21:17Z")
> [@Audrey\_Levins](#): > > I have _woken up_ furious at my boyfriend for something he did in my dream…and then I look over, realize he’s asleep and it never happened… > > And then I have that curious sensation of still being mad, for absolutely no reason. Who gets mad about something that never happened? Christ. Do all women do this? The fact that this is apparently common among the female persuasion makes this question almost a moot point doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Risha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@Risha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Risha)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/33 "2008-09-30T02:26:32Z")
At the moment, my subordinates, so women. _still working at 10:26 pm to clean up their mess on a file that needs to go out tonight_ ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/34 "2008-09-30T02:31:47Z")
> [@Q.E.D](#): > > Steven Wright said it best: > > > [@](#): > > > > Women. Can’t live with 'em; can’t shoot 'em. No, no… Robin Williams said it best. “Women. Can’t live with 'em, can’t live _with_ them…” ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/35 "2008-09-30T03:49:17Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > Superman. No, no, you mean the Incredible Hulk. He has the bigger cock, only fucks when angry, and is too stupid to distinguish between the vagina and the anus. Poor Jennifer. ---
**Author:** ![Shamozzle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shamozzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shamozzle)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/36 "2008-09-30T06:27:31Z")
Every woman I’ve ever known well is at least a tiny-bit nuts. Mother, Sisters, friends, co-workers, lovers. Every single one. Or, maybe it’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/37 "2008-09-30T06:50:55Z")
Tom Wolfe wrote, “a woman has two trump cards: Making A Scene, and Tears.” It’s true. And it’s a huge pain in the ass. ---
**Author:** ![Pixilated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aeb1de/32.png) [@Pixilated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixilated)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/38 "2008-09-30T08:30:13Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > Women get upset over perceived slights and the way they had _expected_ things to be. And the men will not be informed as to what these perceived slights and expections actually are, they’re just expected to know already. I agree that a majority of women do this - however, ime, I have come across MEN who are just as bad about doing this to others. This is one of my biggest pet peeves, no matter WHO is playing this game. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/39 "2008-09-30T15:32:52Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > A woman once slapped me (on the arm, playfully but still firmly) because the guy she _wanted_ to slap was out of reach. 😃 > > Several women over the years have gotten mad at me for things I did in their dreams. My male friends and I used to do this in college. That is, because we all believed in immediate retaliation for slights, and we all refused to hit women, if a woman in our group annoyed a guy, the annoyee would hit the nearest guy. The women naturally used this for evil. So, in sum, we were all tools. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2008, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729/40 "2008-10-01T01:21:46Z")
Speaking merely in terms of friendship, I have a close female friend who is really high maintenance and is constantly trying to make me feel guilty for hurting her feelings. On the other hand, I have a close male friend who is constantly telling me “tough” and “suck it up”. I tend to like women who are tomboys and not overly emotional, and men who are kindhearted. Go figure. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-a-bigger-pain-in-the-butt-in-a-relationship-the-man-or-the-woman/465729.md?page=3)