# Who is an "in-law"? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [April 14, 2012, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751 "2012-04-14T11:17:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/1 "2012-04-14T11:17:34Z")
I understand that my sister’s husband is my brother-in-law. My wife is my sister’s sister-in-law. Could my wife say that my sister’s husband is her brother-in-law? ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/2 "2012-04-14T11:43:50Z")
If I were her I’d specify and say “my husband’s such and such in-law” for those relationships. But I’m a foreigner, so … (and male, but that doesn’t change the grammar) ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/3 "2012-04-14T12:10:47Z")
Yes, you could describe that relationship as an in-law. A google for “define: brother in law” returns two sources, one that includes the husband of your spouses sister and one that doesn’t. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/4 "2012-04-14T12:37:17Z")
If my husband and I are to cleave into one (as older texts say) and become one marital entity (as my tax return says), than all of his brother-in-laws are my brother-in-laws, and that’s the way I’ve always heard it in popular usage. It never occurred to me that referring to my husband’s brother’s wife as my sister-in-law could be contentious. ---
**Author:** ![srzss05](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@srzss05](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/srzss05)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/5 "2012-04-14T12:55:32Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > It never occurred to me that referring to my husband’s brother’s wife as my sister-in-law could be contentious. It may not be the “correct” term, but only the most pedantic people would quarrel about it. Almost everyone I know would describe it that way. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/6 "2012-04-14T13:10:48Z")
> [@srzss05](#): > > It may not be the “correct” term, but only the most pedantic people would quarrel about it. Almost everyone I know would describe it that way. We can’t rule out pedantic in my case, but I have always been uncomfortable calling my wife’s sister’s husband my brother-in-law. The most comfortable I can get is by calling him my sister-in-law’s husband, or “one of my wife’s in-laws.” I was fully grown before I ever saw a chart like this: [RELATIONSHIP CHART (CONSANGUINITY)](http://www.duerinck.com/consangu.html) and before that I went with what my family had always used, which I have seen others ascribe to as well. But I have yet to find anything I regard as “authoritattive” on the specifics of in-law relationships. If anybody has such a thing, please share it. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/7 "2012-04-14T17:06:18Z")
There is no relationship - your spouse’s sibling’s spouse is just that, your in-law’s spouse. Most people generally just call them in-laws, though. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/8 "2012-04-14T17:31:54Z")
The term ‘in-law’ can be used to describe any member of a spouse’s family, or member of a sibling’s spouse’s family without causing confusion unless the context is a genetic or legal relationship. With the variations in marriage and family relationships in the modern world it can extend over a broad range. But if your building your family tree you’d want to differentiate between your spouse’s siblings and your spouse’s sibling’s spouses. ---
**Author:** ![Corcaigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Corcaigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corcaigh)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/9 "2012-04-14T17:43:35Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > Could my wife say that my sister’s husband is her brother-in-law? I would say “my sister-in-law’s husband” ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/10 "2012-04-14T17:56:14Z")
There are some families (I grew up near some of them) where providing a name to a relationship (no matter how diffuse) was a way to add “kith” to “kin” and have as extended a family as possible. Imagine family reunions at a stadium! It was not unusual to hear of somebody’s step-half-cousin-once-removed-in-law or worse. Also imagine how some Hollywood kids must relate to each other, whether they try to use names for those situations or not! In the little reading I have done on other cultures’ consanguinity rules, it’s amazing that the one(s) we’re most familiar with are as simple as they are, no matter how confusing they may sound. ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/11 "2012-04-14T22:37:17Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/12 "2012-04-14T22:54:41Z")
The “law” we refer to when we say “brother-in-law” is [canon law](http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__PC.HTM), and refers to a specific degree of affinity, that which “arises from a valid marriage, even if not consummated, and exists between a man and the blood relatives of the woman and between the woman and the blood relatives of the man.” (Canon 109, Section 1) No, your spouse’s in-laws are not your in-laws, although most will not argue with you if you say they are, as most are not Catholic, and even fewer have any idea where the expression comes from. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/13 "2012-04-14T22:57:16Z")
In the show Breaking Bad, Walter’s wife’s sister is married (to Hank). Walter calls Hank his brother-in-law many times in that series…so some people on this world seem to count it as being in-laws that way too, at least. ---
**Author:** ![zombywoof](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/9e8a1a/32.png) [@zombywoof](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zombywoof)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/14 "2012-04-15T04:36:23Z")
I personally wouldn’t refer to someone as removed as my wife’s brother’s wife as “my” anything, YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/15 "2012-04-15T04:50:23Z")
I say my brother-in-law’s wife or “the other daughter-in-law” (when I’m feeling snarky) when referring to my husband’s brother’s wife. I do know a lot of people who would just say sister-in-law for that. Maybe if I liked her better. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/16 "2012-04-15T16:50:57Z")
Of course, if one is going to extend the term to a spouse’s sibling’s spouse, one could also extend it to a sibling’s spouse’s sibling. And once the precedent is set, what’s to stop you from chaining it indefinitely? Like, I have a sister. She’s married. Her husband also has a sister. She’s also married. Am I “related” to her husband? What if he has any siblings? What if any of his siblings are married? ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/17 "2012-04-15T22:17:55Z")
minor nitpick: brothers-in-law, not brother-in-laws ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/18 "2012-04-15T23:15:36Z")
> [@Corcaigh](#): > > I would say “my sister-in-law’s husband” “You mean your brother?” ---
**Author:** ![StephenG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@StephenG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StephenG)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/19 "2012-04-15T23:22:07Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Of course, if one is going to extend the term to a spouse’s sibling’s spouse, one could also extend it to a sibling’s spouse’s sibling. And once the precedent is set, what’s to stop you from chaining it indefinitely? I was just thinking this same thing. While I would call my wife’s sister’s husband my brother-in-law, I wouldn’t call my sister’s wife’s brother my brother-in-law. The difference, I think, was alluded to above. When you get married, you acquire new parents (in a manner of speaking; obviously, relationships vary). So, you attend family gatherings together, etc. I would expect to see everyone born to a set of parents and their spouses at a family gathering; I wouldn’t expect to see the spouses’ siblings there, as those siblings haven’t married into the family… ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751/20 "2012-04-15T23:25:38Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > “You mean your brother?” Thank you for mentioning one of my favorite bits from AD: “Gob’s Wife: I’m in love with your brother-in-law. Gob: You’re in love with your own brother? The one in the army? Gob’s Wife: No, your sister’s husband. Gob: Michael? Michael! Gob’s Wife: No, that’s your sister’s brother. Gob: No, I’m my sister’s brother. You’re in love with me - me. Gob’s Wife: I’m in love with Tobias. Gob: My brother-in-law?” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-an-in-law/618751.md?page=2)