# Who is in the right \[parent/child finances\] **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 21, 2014, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413 "2014-01-21T23:35:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![James\_Toothpaste](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e56c9b/32.png) [@James\_Toothpaste](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/James_Toothpaste)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413/61 "2014-01-22T21:53:25Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > If you are unhappy with how they are living, by all means move out and do things your way. +1 ---
**Author:** ![alexandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@alexandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alexandra)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413/62 "2014-01-22T22:51:02Z")
> [@Longshanks](#): > > I understand that for some it is a hobby, an example is the studio flat they made in the back of the garden a couple of years ago. They spent 20k on it making a bathroom, kitchen and living room, half of the money they used was\*\* from the committee thing and the other half was borrowed from people, myself included (life savings as a child).\*\* I agree that the price of the house has already significantly increased due to it and will do so again if they make an attic. But since they plan on living here for the rest of their lives, the financial payoff would most likely be in a couple of decades. Bolding mine. Have they paid you back??!! If not, this is the most objectionable thing here. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413/63 "2014-01-22T23:28:55Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > … do not sign or co-sign the loan. I strongly concur. I would not recommend signing a rental agreement, either, unless you are renting the separate building out back. > [@Marley23](#): > > Since the OP regards about $300 a month as a token amount, I’m guessing his living expenses are minimal. He’s working full time and living at home and on that basis paying rent would be reasonable. Otherwise it’d be exploitative for parents to insist their teenage son help them pay off their home repair loan. There’s obviously some broader mistrust here over finances and that might be a discussion worth having. It is certainly the conversation the OP tried to start. ---
**Author:** ![GreedySmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GreedySmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreedySmurf)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413/64 "2014-01-22T23:56:14Z")
I concur with the advise of others that if you choose to pay your parents 200 pounds a month, you should make it abundantly clear to them that you are paying them board, and not locking yourself into making ‘your share’ of the loan repayment. At your age, a five year loan term is an age to be locked into paying 200 pounds a month for a loan that is not your responsibility. As to your parents money mismanagement, nothing you can do I’m afraid. Apart from keeping your own finances separate, and probably deciding now, how far you are prepared to help when they inevitably come and ask you for more money. ---
**Author:** ![Longshanks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Longshanks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Longshanks)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413/65 "2014-01-22T23:58:27Z")
The way they broached the paying of the loan to me was pretty informal. No signing anything just give them half the amount for the loan every month. But we came to the conclusion that most of you lot have said, rent yes loan no. From your responses I may have made them seem worse than they are in fact, there wasn’t really any coercion on their part but maybe a bit of a guilt trip. As for the life savings thing I didn’t give them all of it just a couple hundred and I also chipped in a few years before when they built a porch (which to be fair is rather practical). My life savings as a child were a mixture of birthday money Christmas and other holiday money and the odd job I might do where I would get a tenner here or there. Finally so that you have the full picture of the type of people they are; for the last 5 or 6 years my parents have been putting 50 quid a month in saving accounts for my brother and I, so that we both have about 3k or 4k saved up. ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413/66 "2014-01-23T00:59:29Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > My response was more to the hypothetical 17 year old in **Bozuit’s** post. It was suggested that… > > Whereas I think it is perfectly reasonable to request 20%. > > If they specifically want to tie that 20% to the taking out of a loan I’d agree it is rather strange. The correct response would be > “of course I need to pay for my board…here is 20% but this has nothing to do with your loan. What you choose to do with the board I give you is up to you” I must admit that all the 17-year-olds I’ve known well enough to have any idea how much they contributed to their keep were in full-time education. Considering the salary, £200 does seem reasonable, although I agree with those saying it should be considered (by **Longshanks** and his(?) parents) for board and not for the loan, which he should have no responsibility for at all. ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413/67 "2014-01-23T01:23:10Z")
I think they have reached a good arrangement. I agree with the consensus here which is that you agree to pay the 200 monthly while you are living there, make it clear to your parents that this is for your room and board and will stop if you choose to move out and don’t sign anything. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413/68 "2014-01-23T10:07:04Z")
> [@Bozuit](#): > > I must admit that all the 17-year-olds I’ve known well enough to have any idea how much they contributed to their keep were in full-time education. Considering the salary, £200 does seem reasonable, although I agree with those saying it should be considered (by **Longshanks** and his(?) parents) for board and not for the loan, which he should have no responsibility for at all. Agreed, For my own kids I’d be happy to support them fully up to university age but at that point they’ll need to make hard financial decisions about how to pay for their tuition (though the “loans” they take out in the UK are really nothing of the sort, more like a deferred tax). They’ll be given enough for minimal living expenses from us but luxuries they’ll have to work for themselves. After university? work and pay your way I’m afraid. ---
**Author:** ![Longshanks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Longshanks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Longshanks)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413/69 "2014-01-23T10:20:20Z")
Thanks for your replies everyone, I have gotten some good advice and if the mods want to close this thread that would be fine by me. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413/70 "2014-01-23T10:35:24Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > (I’m 47, my parents just sold the family home last week for a townhouse - the U.S. tends to be more mobile than Europe in terms of buying and selling real estate - they are both in their 70s). . Don’t equate ‘Europe’ with the UK, where buying and selling property is a national obsession and equally as mobile as the US. My parents sold the family home and bought a condo when they were in their early 80s. Our home ownership rate is higher than the US ([69% v 65%](http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_hom_own-people-home-ownership)). ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413/71 "2014-01-23T12:40:24Z")
My father has just bought a bungalow in Derbyshire. He’s 94! ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413/72 "2014-01-23T12:49:40Z")
Some things are not clear to me: Is this a space for the OP to live in? Is there a chance the parents are, in part, attempting to set up a living space more suited to a working young man? To keep him under their roof, yet independent, for a longer time? Both out of concern for his youth and, possibly, a financial advantage as in cheap housing for his beginning years? (Their love of renovating notwithstanding, their motives could be twofold!) I think the OP should happily agree to pay the 200, as room and board, until such time as he leaves home. (Having just begun to work, he cannot be expected to know now, how things may be a year from now, surely!) he should specify he’s not signing on to repaying half this cost for many years to come. Then he should be frank, honest and adult. Tell them the truth. Tell them what their finances look like from where he sits, that he finds it a disturbing picture, that he’s just starting out in life, more interested in avoiding debt at all costs. Be open enough that they understand he won’t be going down the road to debt for many years yet. Tell them he loves them and respects their decisions regarding their house/investments, as theirs to make. He should be given the same respect regarding his financial choices and the paths he chooses to avoid! Repeat as required. Good Luck! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-in-the-right-parent-child-finances/679413.md?page=3)