# Who is lonely?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [September 30, 2007, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011 "2007-09-30T06:06:03Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/1 "2007-09-30T06:06:03Z")
Let’s have a pity party! So ummmmm, I’ll start. I’m 23, male, a college senior, and I can’t attract the opposite sex to save my life. I have plenty of friends, don’t feel insecure, nor do I feel like a bad person, but yet the loneliness hurts just the same.
::-passes the baton:: Who’s next?
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### Author:  [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/2 "2007-09-30T06:23:45Z")
22, male in college. I have a lot of friends but I can’t seem to ever get involved in a romantic relationship with anyone. I went to a wedding today and I couldn’t help but feel a little envious of all the couples that were attending the ceremony.
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### Author:  [@Shamozzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shamozzle)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/3 "2007-09-30T06:26:27Z")
I’m very lonely. 36, male. For me, attracting women is the easiest thing in the world. But I never have any relationships because they scare me shitless. I’ve been hurt very badly in the past and I don’t trust anyone.
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### Author:  [@MelCthefirst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MelCthefirst)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/4 "2007-09-30T07:24:19Z")
40 year old woman - found the man of my dreams, was love at first sight, we hung out constantly, texting and calling when not together, then after 2 months, he tells me he’s not ready for a relationship…very lonely and missing someone I can’t have, who I thought was a perfect match for me.
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### Author:  [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/5 "2007-09-30T08:48:56Z")
22, dropped out of college for a sweet job offer.
I’ve never had a girlfriend, and only recently went on a couple “dates” (the first was with some girl I met on a dating site, and the date was lame, the second/third were with a really cool girl, though it seems it’s a mere friend thing).
I have trouble socially. I have difficulty explaining things sometimes, and generally just run out of things to say. It makes being social quite tough ☹
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### Author:  [@Testy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Testy)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/6 "2007-09-30T09:00:00Z")
Well, I’m 52 and male, married for over 20 years but sadly, she died last year. I’m in Saudi so meting women is an uphill battle.
Testy
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### Author:  [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/7 "2007-09-30T09:47:42Z")
39, male. Pensioned off on a VA disability pension. Never married, only horror story level relationships in the past (Not as bad as many worse I’ve read here on the Dope, but still not good.) and convinced I’m unable to attact women to save my soul, let alone my life.
Pretty much given up on the whole social thing, really. Just trying to keep my mental illness under control and starting to fight again to lose weight.
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### Author:  [@nonacetone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nonacetone)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/8 "2007-09-30T09:57:29Z")
I’m a 46 year old female, married to the most wonderful guy in the world for over 20 years (but, as luck would have it, he’s an OTR truck driver, and is gone for weeks at a time. We talk on the phone all the time, though, so it’s not all _that_ bad, really), and I’m the caregiver for my 91 year old grandmother, who has Alzheimer’s Disease and lives with us.
Life can get really lonely for me, sometimes.
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### Author:  [@MerryMagdalen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MerryMagdalen)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/9 "2007-09-30T10:37:59Z")
30, female.
I can attract boys pretty easily, but I’m kind of…prickly. I have no idea what to do next. And I’m in school, and work crazy hours, and have weird ways of talking to people. I hang out in a semi-gay bar a lot, and read books. All the regulars love me - it’s like I’m queen. Everyone talks to me, but the regulars and employees are all gay.
I’m just out of a long term relationship (there’s threads about it) which was not really much of a relationship, in the end…and he moved on (sexually) before I did, which sort of changed the rules (I thought that he at least would be faithful, or tell me if he wasn’t - he didn’t). And the girl that I know about (there may be more) is five years younger than me (and young enough to be his daughter). (Apparently, I’m also a hopeless abuser of parentheses.)
Sometimes I miss him terribly, but I realize that I miss what I hoped we’d have. But I’m still working through a relationship that to me was very real, while still dealing with the fact that I know he cares…but can’t do it. We never even lived together. I sit up some nights and watch sad songs on youtube, just to cry a bit, because I can’t let myself do it in the day.
So on the one hand, I’m really bloody horny (because, unlike him, I wasn’t getting any on the side, and by now it’s been a few months) and on the other hand way too scared or awkward to really hit on the few straight guys I do see.
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### Author:  [@MerryMagdalen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MerryMagdalen)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/10 "2007-09-30T11:12:13Z")
And I’ve totally missed my edit window, but…
My loneliness right now is probably a good thing. At 30, I realize I’ve spent quite a bit of my life “boy-crazy”. Not to a slutty extent, most of the time…but I’ve spent a lot of time in relationships, and trying to accomodate the men in my life. You want to hang out? Doesn’t matter that I’m tired, or have to wake up early tomorrow…I’m there for you!
And I’ve driven myself crazy trying to do it all. I think it’s part of being really good at being “smart” - sometimes it’s hard for me to think about what _I_ want, because I’m trying to be rational all the time, there’s academic work to do, etc., and it keeps me from looking at my own emotions. But my emotions were screaming at me the entire time.
So it’s time to work on figuring out what I really want. Out of life, out of a partner, etc.
So while I am sometimes really lonely, I’m going to work on being happier with what I can give to _myself_. And I may stare into the gaping jaws of a loneliness that threatens to swallow me whole, but in the end I will be older, wiser, and happier.
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### Author:  [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/11 "2007-09-30T11:15:22Z")
Women find me repellent. Not sure why.
I don’t really care anymore. I’m so used to being alone, I think if things were to change I’d probably sabotage it just so I can go back to where I feel most comfortable.
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### Author:  [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/12 "2007-09-30T12:16:29Z")
I’m a 45 year old male without a personality. I’ve never had a partner and have no friends.
I used to be miserable about this but now I think I’m used to it. Its OK.
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### Author:  [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/13 "2007-09-30T12:23:38Z")
48, unmarried, nursing a broken heart, or perhaps a grudge here in Saudi. I have rarely made friends, let alone lovers. When I loose them it really hurts.
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### Author:  [@joazito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joazito)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/14 "2007-09-30T12:38:46Z")
[QUOTE=MerryMagdalen]
[…]
[/QUOTE]
I like you. And I’m not saying that to try to pick you up, I’m probably 10000 km away from you. But I liked the way you talked about your emotions.
Oh yeah, I’m also lonely. And she also cheated and say nothing of it… until after I broke up with her. Haven’t seen sex since (well, apart from porn).
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### Author:  [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/15 "2007-09-30T12:43:41Z")
31, female, on the eve of getting divorced (quite literally - we can file tomorrow) and… well, pregnant. A not-serious, finding-my-feet again relationship that was never supposed to be serious had seriousness thrust upon it when I discovered that I was pregnant. He didn’t want to be a father, I couldn’t even contemplate abortion (especially not after a 4 year infertility battle) so we parted ways.
I’ve enjoyed my own company since separating last year but I guess with so much in my life changing now, loneliness is starting to bother me more than it did. This experience would be richer for being shared. Now is certainly not the time to be trying to meet men… I’ve been trying to make new friends because a romantic relationship isn’t the be-all and end-all, but of an evening (or when I need to move something heavy) I can’t help but feel lonely.
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### Author:  [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/16 "2007-09-30T13:26:44Z")
I’m alone, but only rarely lonely. Life is fine. A nice relationship would be a bonus, but is not a requirement for my happiness.
Occasionally I find I am lonely, but I sometimes think that it is really just that I’m bored.
Sex would be nice though.
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### Author:  [@Landshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Landshark)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/17 "2007-09-30T14:12:40Z")
48 and socially inept all my life; have never had a personal relationship.
I have immediate family members close by, I generally like the people I work with, and have friends at my church; all of which of course helps.
Daily seeing around me what I am missing in never having had a one-on-one relationship can really make me feel lonely, though I’ve learned not to dwell on those feelings.
But I also try to not give up on the possibility of having such a relationship.
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### Author:  [@Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gut)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/18 "2007-09-30T17:07:00Z")
Pretty much the same answer as **Khadaji**. The occasional stab of loneliness happens when work is really slow, as it is now. My solution this time around was to join a gym. I’m going to see if I can get mutant sized over the next three years. If I happen to meet someone before I reach that goal I won’t bother with the mutation. I know full well most women don’t like mutant size, just Brad Pitt in Achilles sized.
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### Author:  [@RunSilent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RunSilent)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/19 "2007-09-30T17:47:33Z")
60, male, lonely… social phobic my whole life… I have had some friends and relationships in my life, but I have basically felt lonely most of the time… For a number of years now, have had no friends, no relationships… always by myself outside of work… it’s rough… I work out and read, try not to dwell on it…
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### Author:  [@zahara2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zahara2)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2007, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-is-lonely/421011/20 "2007-09-30T17:57:21Z")
[QUOTE=Paul in Saudi]
48, unmarried, nursing a broken heart, or perhaps a grudge here in Saudi. I have rarely made friends, let alone lovers. When I loose them it really hurts.
[/QUOTE]
This thread is disheartening.
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