Serious answer: Johnny Mercer
Not-so-serious answer: Tom Lehrer
Tim Kasher
Ben Gibbard
Elvis Costello
Thom Yorke
Michael Stipe
But Bono’s disqualified for the vast quantaties of dreck he dumps between his inspired lyrical and musical moments.
That was a British music-hall song of the 1910s that the Hermits co-opted.
And yes, MacSpon, W.S. Gilbert goes right to the top of my list, too!
Jane Siberry:
so I go down to the lobby
and everybody stares
they say take off that foolish hat
what man? I say
so I go down to the lobby
and everybody stares
they say take off that foolish hat
put down that chair
so I go down to the lobby
and everyone’s still there
and they say the snow is getting deeper
don’t go out there
you can’t leave him like that
go back upstairs
so I run down the fire-escape
I leap into the air
and I say - I thought I’d like to fly
I needed air
……….
and another by Jane:
a man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries
and high above the church bells start to ring
and as the heaviness the body oh the heaviness settles in
somewhere you can hear a mother sing
then it’s one foot then the other as you step out onto the road
how much weight? how much weight?
then it’s how long? and how far?
and how many times before it’s too late?
…………………
Kirsty MacColl:
I’ve been the token woman all my life
The token daughter and the token wife
Now I collected tokens one by one
'Til I’ve saved enough to buy a gun
Now you can’t get even but you can get mad
And it’s not funny no and it’s not sad
It’s just a feeling that I’ve always had
Oh look out world I’m about to be bad
I want a brief encounter in a stolen car
A hand on my buttock in a Spanish bar
I want to meet the man who wants to go too far
For a token of my affection
I want to taste excitement, smell the danger
Get swept off my feet by the perfect stranger
I want to try something that I’ve never had
Oh look out world I’m about to be bad
……………………….
Big Boy on a Saturday Night
The last of England’s spoiled brats, grand order of the gutter rats
A big fish in a public house
You’re never going to learn to shut your mouth
A silly pseudo lager lout with nothing much to shout about
Spent hours looking in the mirror trying to perfect the perfect pout
Now take the spotlight and pause for your applause
Well my oh my you’re such a big boy on a Saturday night
You try but there is always something - something not right inside
There’s always someone
Somebody else to take the power and the glory all for themselves
…………………………
And when we first got wed
We used to stay in bed
All day and night all night and day
We bedded half our lives away
But that’s all over now
We move in higher circles
Chomping through the upper crust
I couldn’t see you for the dust
And then you met that girl
Who left you with your money spent
And now it’s no concern of yours
If I sleep with the President
…………………………
No offense to Eminem, but it takes more than rhymes to make a brilliant lyric. It also takes more than “It really grabbed me.” It’s possible to sincerely write some lines and affect people without having the brilliance and craft to really turn out lyrics that will be remembered.
My vote goes to Billy Joel. Check out The Downeaster Alexa and Lenningrad from Storm Front.
Emusic has these music-hall tunes available for downloading. I have a copy of that song, along with Burlington Bertie From Bow and Jolly Good Luck To The Girl Who Loves A Soldier 
This is an great choice for the title. His lyrics on Interbabe Concern were flat out stunning, and are routinely excellent on all his songs.
Am I the only one that finds irony in that line?
Paul Kelly, of course. The best narrative lyricist of all time. I dare you to listen to How to Make Gravy and Everything’s Turning to White and disagree.
Darren Hanlon’s a fine lyricist, but as a folkie he’s almost unknown.
Steven Page of the Barenaked Ladies would be up there, too. Their stuff is heavily crafted pop, so there’s a natural assumption that the lyrics will be bubblegum mush - and some of them are - but many, especially on the Stunt and Maroon albums - are magnificently turned, often in direct contradiction to the lightness of the melody:
From Call and Answer
"You think I only think about you when we’re both in the same room
You think I’m only here to witness the remains of love exhumed
You think we’re here to play a game of who loves more than whom…
So if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, I’ll pick you up
And if you court this disaster
I’ll point you home"
Followed by the sudden emotional switchback:
“But I’m warning you, don’t ever do
Those crazy, messed-up things that you do
If you ever do, I promise you
I’ll be the first to crucify you
Now it’s time to prove that you’ve come back here to rebuild”
Oh, and Ben Folds is a great songwriter too, but if you exclude his tunecrafting from consideration he’s not in the same class.
I knew I liked you twicks!
I’ll also add Robin Williamson.
From Lordly Nightshade:
Safe and secure in the skirts of the midsummer wood
Cooking soup with stale words and fresh meanings it tastes so good
The green wolf with his bunch of red roses is slinking away
All on a summer’s day.
and my favorite little couplet:
born in a house where the door was shut tight
shadowy fingers on the curtains at night
from Koeeoaddi There 
Kudos to most of those already mentioned. Here are a couple that haven’t:
One writer I’ve always had a fondness for is Harry Chapin. I think he is a wonderful story teller, as is Jimmy Buffett.
Also add Bernie Taupin.
I would have guessed that Eve was going to come along and answer that!
And I second Zeldar’s nomination of Tom Lehrer.
I’ll nominate Paul Westerberg from The Replacements.
The ones who love us best are the ones we’ll lay to rest
And visit their graves on holidays at best
The ones who love us least are the ones we’ll die to please
If it’s any consolation, I don’t begin to understand them
While perhaps not the best, I’d nominate John Flansburgh and John Linnell (They Might Be Giants), Al Stewart and Stephen Bishop.
Wristy – While I dig Patton, I think he’s a better composer (with a band, not with a tape deck and aluminum cans), performer and vocalist than lyricist. IIRC, Patton writes lyrics based on the sounds he wants to make, not on what he wants to say. Sorry, no ready cite for that.
In a quick scroll, I didn’t see her name, so I’ll also mention Natalie Merchant.
Bono is far and away the best ever!!!
I’m all over Jon Anderson of YES.
However, I’d offer this up. Lyrics of the storytelling variety are different than lyrics of the poetry variety.
As far as brilliant storytelling lyrics, Billy Joel gets my vote hands down.
Cartooniverse
Whoever writes the lyrics for Led Zeppelin. I just got into them not too long ago and I don’t know who writes them, but I love them none the less.
"Spent my days with a woman unkind, Smoked my stuff and drank all my wine.
Made up my mind to make a new start, Going To California with an aching in my heart.
Someone told me there’s a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.
Took my chances on a big jet plane, never let them tell you that they’re all the same.
The sea was red and the sky was grey, wondered how tomorrow could ever follow today.
The mountains and the canyons started to tremble and shake
as the children of the sun began to awake.
Seems that the wrath of the Gods
Got a punch on the nose and it started to flow;
I think I might be sinking.
Throw me a line if I reach it in time
I’ll meet you up there where the path
Runs straight and high.
To find a queen without a king,
They say she plays guitar and cries and sings… la la la
Ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn
Tryin’ to find a woman who’s never, never, never been born.
Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams,
Telling myself it’s not as hard, hard, hard as it seems."
Ani Difranco
“but i love this city, this state
this country is too large
and whoever’s in charge up there
had better take the elevator down
and put more than change in our cup
or else we
are coming
up”
Rap/HipHop wise:
Grouch
"I’m lost upon this voyage and I’m searching for truth.
They told me to believe, but I want to see the truth.
I’m tired of your lies, so now you feel my anger.
How could I ever trust my soul with a stranger?
Now, dear Mr. Bigshot, let me ask you a question.
Put you on the stand,
raise your right hand.
I want to hear your confessions.
My family is stressing out 'cause there’s nowhere else to go.
We’re looking for a higher power. You dodge, just hit us low.
In church they said that it was free.
Your love would always be.
I’m steadily giving mine, but where is yours for me?
I couldn’t see it, so I stray.
You took my dreams, I prayed.
I wanted to get them back, but you laughed and I’m afraid
I made the wrong decision.
You killed my hopes and visions.
I thought you had arisen,
but this is more like prison.
I’m giving my all daily and maybe it’s all for nothing.
I never hurt anyone, so why do you keep me suffering?
I stay tough and you lay it on
thicker and I say it’s wrong.
I’ll play this song 'till you answer,
give you another chance to appear
'cause we dying out here. I see no light.
All I ever did was care and try to do what the fuck was right.
I’m lost upon this voyage and I’m searching for truth.
They told me to believe, but I want to see the proof.
I’m tired of your lies, so now you feel my anger
How could I ever trust my soul with a stranger?
( x2 )
I trained all my life for it.
I would have died for it.
Man, you took it from me,
bully crummy friend,
got the nerve to say I’ve sinned?
I tend to feel abandoned 'cause you left me in the dark.
The light of my life was gone and I’m searching for a spark.
Sure, the mark of the beast is near,
so we’re all living in fear.
Noone holds a clear head,
so people appear dead for a reason
and I’m breathing.
Not even demons scare me.
Is it necessary to panic?
By now I feel prepared. See, I planned it to be one way, but of course it
never works,
forever quirks within the system.
Am I a victim or a jerk?,
with a sickened spurt of questions,
guessing without your blessing,
testing my own limits. I can feel the walls compressing
and within it I ain’t shit, but to me I’m all there is.
Sometimes I hate my life when I look at the next man and compare his to mine
and it is the time for me to rise, so let me.
They labelled me a child of God, so help me or forget me.
I’m lost upon this voyage and I’m searching for truth.
They told me to believe, but I want to see the truth.
I’m tired of the lies, so now you feel my anger.
How could I ever trust my soul with a stranger?"
Benefit
“Professional, uppen the decibel a decimal above
Extraterrestrial audible vessels
For blood audible missiles and vocal dismissals
Like Pistols, Tearing through emcees skeletal bristles
Beneficial, Ripping in the kids brain tissues
Leaving them a bit retarded with personal issues
Personal miss-use, of my tracks is tested deadly
Infest the steady, when my tracks oppress the ready
To floods the brain like cocaine ingested heavy
And less than every, bit of protection when testing benny
I’ve battled plenty, and everyone is rattle empty
Without a skeleton to hold 'em up they had to temp me
And then correctly, spitting at me like a Jetski
Go ahead and press me, bones crunch like nestle
Arrest me, Sentence me and lock me away
So the streets can be safe for emcee’s to play
By the way, when i spit don’t get hit by a stray
Cause every random word i say can shatter your vertebrae
Every verb i spray, is a miss-call herb away
Word play, that will keep emcee’s on the curb all
In a verbal way, I get violent and kill quick
To define me kids make up words like “Ill-Sick”
Whose a relic, wack emcee’s heads are real thick
So the target is big, my metaphors will stick”
I’d like to add Tori Amos to this list please
Carole King and Prince