# Who Married You? (that’s not what I mean-- check out the poll) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 1, 2025, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281 "2025-12-01T06:09:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2025, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/81 "2025-12-01T21:44:16Z")
Huh. When I was married, in 1985, i had to either get tested for immunity to German measles, or get vaccinated, or get a signature from a doctor who certified that they lectures me on why this was important. I choose the titer. (Yay, i was immune.) I wasn’t tested for syphilis until i get pregnant (along with tests for HIV, tuberculosis, and i think another German measles test.) I’m surprised they were still testing people getting married for syphilis in 1993. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2025, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/82 "2025-12-01T22:00:06Z")
I don’t think this is a very good poll. I avoided the hijack & took minister to mean member of clergy (MoC) regardless of denomination or title but was a bit stumped on how to answer if you had a MoC officiate your wedding at somewhere other than a church/synagogue/mosque like on the beach or at a country club. The second & fifth options seem to apply there as they are non-religious settings but then that looks like it’s for non-MoC by the description “(judge, mayro, friend specially ordained)”. Depending upon how one parses non-traditional faith setting that could mean the beach or country club or it could mean non-traditional-faith; especially because of the Jedi wedding as an example. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2025, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/83 "2025-12-01T22:39:30Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > My stepsister had a similar arrangement in 1986 without difficulty and she wasn’t an outlier as I recall. Some rabbis will marry a Jewish woman to a gentile man, but not the other way around, because the children will be Jewish under Jewish law in the first place, but not in he second. I did once attend a wedding where the couple was already married. She had been undergoing conversion when her visa was not renewed for some reason, so they got married very quickly by a judge so she could stay in the country-- it was a student visa, and he grades were good, so it was puzzling. Anyway, after her conversion, they obtained a ketubah, and had a big Jewish wedding. ---
**Author:** ![ThisOneGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c0e974/32.png) [@ThisOneGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisOneGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2025, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/84 "2025-12-01T22:46:04Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > We got married in Japan and weddings have no legal meanings. The marriage is valid when an application is submitted to the city office. Many people have weddings in churches just for the fun of it, but it doesn’t actually do anything. Same here. Went down to city hall and filled out the paperwork. No ceremony. Have no recollection of the gender of the clerk who accepted the form. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2025, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/85 "2025-12-01T22:53:40Z")
That reminds me of the story of one of the weddings that I “performed”. It was the cousin of my step-sister and his fiancee who both were Jewish and from New York. They were taking a pre-wedding vacation driving down the West Coast and stopped to visit my step-sis in the city where we both lived. This was like 30 years ago. They had a dilemma. The wedding was in two months and she got pregnant during the road trip. He worked for a large corporation and she worked in a hair salon so she didn’t have insurance. They were talking to her about it and she remembered that I had just gotten the internet ordination so I could legally marry them. They got the forms and I did a brief ceremony in my sister’s back yard so she could have the good corporate insurance for all of the prenatal stuff. A couple of months later they had a huge fancy New York Jewish wedding. My sister was the witness and the couple, my sister and her boyfriend and I were the only ones who knew about the secret wedding for many years if ever. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2025, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/86 "2025-12-01T23:17:58Z")
I hope I never have occasion to find out. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2025, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/87 "2025-12-01T23:29:31Z")
A man minister in a traditional church for us. I didn’t care and would have preferred to go to Vegas or have a secular wedding since I’m not religious, but it was important to the spouse so I went along with it. As churches and religious types went, it was fine (the Lutheran minister was cool, and he even came to the reception). All I insisted on was making a couple of changes to the process (turned out they didn’t do “obey” anymore, so that wasn’t an issue, but I made him say “you may kiss” at the end instead of “you may kiss the bride.”) We’re still married coming up on 37 years, so we must have done something right. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2025, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/88 "2025-12-01T23:36:19Z")
First marriage in 1971: Catholic priest at the Catholic Student Center at UTAustin. We had two witnesses (a married couple who are still married) and one guest. Within a couple of years, that priest left the priesthood and married an ex-nun. Second marriage in 1990: Female Lutheran minister outside at a neighborhood park. We had about 40 guests. The married couple who were our witnesses in 1971 attended. We had the reception at the home of a friend. Cost for the whole thing including catered reception (Mexican buffet–caterer was a close friend), cake, my dress, honorarium for the minister, invitations printed for free by a friend in the printing business = $1,000. It was a lovely event…I have fond memories of it. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2025, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/89 "2025-12-01T23:52:40Z")
Mixed marriage both lapsed, chose a friends dad to officiate, pastor Dan, evangelical Elvis look a like. Good times ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2025, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/90 "2025-12-01T23:52:45Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > I don’t think this is a very good poll. Agreed. Any poll without an “Other; I’ll explain” option is fatally flawed. By far the best stories flow from the “Other” voters. 🙂 And that’s setting aside the upthread unpleasantness about the OP’s poor terminology. My late (first) wife was a lay Episcopal theologian. And got a ULC certificate of ministry on a lark. She later officiated the wedding of two of our best friends held in the non-denominational chapel of the bride’s then long ago _alma mater_. Fully legal & binding under the relevant state statutes even though none of the three of them were then residents of that state. Lotta categories got crossed that day. 😉 That couple is still married ~35 years later & will certainly go the distance. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2025, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/91 "2025-12-01T23:55:19Z")
Married by a female civil celebrant in a public park in 2001. Very similar to almost every wedding I’ve ever attended - I think I’ve been to two church weddings. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2025, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/92 "2025-12-02T00:05:08Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > I had just gotten the internet ordination so I could legally marry them. They got the forms and I did a brief ceremony in my sister’s back yard so she could have the good corporate insurance for all of the prenatal stuff. A couple of months later they had a huge fancy New York Jewish wedding I have friends who had a marriage and two weddings, all for the same union. He’s American, she’s Chinese, and her visa was going to expire. They were planning on getting married, but she needed the paperwork done before they could plan a while shindig. So they had a civil ceremony in California, with no family or friends at all. A few months later they had a big generically Christian wedding in Massachusetts. And after she got her visa finalized (which took a really long time) they had a huge Chinese wedding in China, with her family and the top tier of his family and friends. I didn’t rate the Chinese wedding, but i heard a lot about it. He had to memorize a bunch of lines in Chinese (and be careful not to call his new MIL an ox, or something along those lines.) I don’t think the Chinese wedding was religious, per se. But I’m not certain. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2025, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/93 "2025-12-02T00:05:50Z")
Substiute “Catholic” for “Lutheran” and that was the story of my first wedding. If she was still living our 38th would be this spring. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2025, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/94 "2025-12-02T00:17:15Z")
Yes. We were married by a Presbyterian minister (neither of us are Presbyterian) in a hotel room at a professional conference in Massachusetts when the governor said out-of-staters could be married there. This became a nationally recognized marriage when Obergefell prevailed in 2015. All together, we had: A commitment ceremony, a commitment ceremony redux on the other side of the country, a civil union (Vermont), a domestic partnership, a marriage (voided a year later by the court), a domestic registered partnership, then the Massachusetts marriage (2008), which became national in 2015. We consider that we married at our first commitment ceremony despite our inability to register our union with a civil authority. ETA: I am ordained by ULC,\* which status I obtained because I was working as a therapist with people facing death. My intention was that if anyone complained to my board that I was talking with patients about end of life issues and their religious/existential beliefs and that this was somehow out of my scope of practice, I would be able to show that I had this credential. I’ve never officiated at a wedding, but I would if someone needed it super quickly for some legit reason. \*No one but my lovely wife and one or two friends know this. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2025, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/95 "2025-12-02T00:27:14Z")
I think our daughter and her gf are planning on being married by a friend who’s ordering credentials. They’re being married in a theater that’s being rented for a few hours. Both mothers are Jewish. Our daughter grew up in a Unitarian Universalist church and still attends one in Chicago. GF has been attending with her. I’m sure there would be no issue with two trans women being married by a UU minister, that’s just not what they’ve chosen to do. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2025, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/96 "2025-12-02T00:35:58Z")
My nephew was married by a friend who obtained a ULC credential for the purpose. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2025, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/97 "2025-12-02T00:36:40Z")
The other two weddings that I officiated were good friends who weren’t religious and didn’t want any kind of real minister. One was a big wedding and people loved the ceremony. I was the star of the show other than the couple of course. The other was very small and I was the only non-family there. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2025, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/98 "2025-12-02T00:41:40Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > I hope I never have occasion to find out. Hear, hear! ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2025, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/99 "2025-12-02T00:46:37Z")
The service at which I was married was conducted by two ministers: the one from my wife’s parents’ church where the service occurred, and the one from my parents’ church (two different denominations, but they were cool with that). We had two backup ministers available in case of emergency - my wife’s cousin and his wife. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2025, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281/100 "2025-12-02T01:56:33Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Any poll without an “Other; I’ll explain” option is fatally flawed. By far the best stories flow from the “Other” voters. 🙂 I always assume that the option to explain further is present in a poll even when it isn’t explicitly stated. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-married-you-that-s-not-what-i-mean-check-out-the-poll/1025281.md?page=6)