# Who named your privates? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 10, 2005, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391 "2005-02-10T14:01:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/21 "2005-02-10T19:02:37Z")
My first wife had named her own equipment sometime before we met. She wanted mine to have a name, as well. She kept trying different names, but never could settle on one. My current wife never felt the need to name anything. My appendage doesn’t feel deprived, however, since it realizes its self-worth in other ways. ---
**Author:** ![Winnie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e480ec/32.png) [@Winnie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winnie)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/22 "2005-02-10T19:13:50Z")
Mine is **The Bird**. No recollection of how and when it got that name, but that’s what it is. Mr. Winnie’s equipment is **Tony**. The Ex was **Rocky.** ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/23 "2005-02-10T19:15:39Z")
“We Popuppians don’t _need_ names! We _know_ who we are!” – The Impossible Man (from the Planet Popup) from **Fantastic Four** circa #8, about 1961. (The quote has made it to a number of quotation dictionaries). “Planet Popup!” (snicker) ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/24 "2005-02-10T20:22:45Z")
I’m not much into naming body parts but if I were to, I think I’d name it Mjollnir. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/25 "2005-02-10T20:34:58Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > I’m not much into naming body parts Yeah, I have to admit, I don’t really get this. Should I name my nose? There’s only one nose. How about my mouth? It’s kinda weird. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pasunejen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/58956e/32.png) [@pasunejen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pasunejen)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/26 "2005-02-10T21:18:32Z")
pasunboyfriend either named his equipment before we met or came up with the name on the spot the first time he referred to it in front of me…the name suits, but is not terribly original (Little P, in case anyone cares). I’d kind of like to call it by a nickname he detests for himself but might accept for the little guy (P.J. Also not original, I know)…but there’s very little practical difference, and at this point I’m pretty sure we’ll just keep going with the one we’ve already got. My bits have no name. Perhaps the BF and I will conduct a naming ceremony next time we’re together. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/27 "2005-02-11T01:02:03Z")
> [@El Elvis Rojo](#): > > So, I was having this discussion the other day with my roomate. I named my penis years ago because, well, who better to name my penis? I know him better than anyone else, I spend the most time with him, and I’m pretty sure I care about him more than anyone else out there. Even if we got angry with one another and had a big fight, it’s not like I could just pack up and leave the little guy, so I feel it’s my responsibility to give him a good name. > > ``` > So, I'm just curious...who named your privates? Did you name them yourself, or did you allow someone else to name them for you? > > ``` > > (And for those who are wondering, his name is Mr. Personality…because he ain’t gettin’ anywhere on his looks, and his scar gives him character) Pinocchio. But I’m lying. Get back in there. Which reminds me of the boxer shorts I saw on sale at Target. They have a comical face printed on the front but with no nose. Precious. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/28 "2005-02-11T01:05:44Z")
Add to “Precious”, “preposterous prodigous proboscis.” ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/29 "2005-02-11T01:36:30Z")
**Grundito** still remains nameless. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/30 "2005-02-11T02:37:27Z")
I have nothing useful to add here, as mine is as yet unnamed. I just wanted to state that the three-post “John Henry” exchange between **Rufus Xavier** and **CandidGamera** was a thing of beauty, and ask permission from those two to gank it for dialogue in future movie script. ---
**Author:** ![rinni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f6c823/32.png) [@rinni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rinni)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/31 "2005-02-11T07:43:55Z")
I hope my boyfriend doesn’t read this, but I call his “Nemo” as a joke, just because we watched Finding Nemo and I grabbed it and said “I found Nemo!” ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/32 "2005-02-11T09:23:45Z")
Hee hee, **rinni**. Now we must all name our bits. No past lovers have ever suggested any names for mine. I presume they were too awestruck to dare. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. ---
**Author:** ![dangergene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@dangergene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangergene)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/33 "2005-02-11T09:53:20Z")
I want to be all grown-up and say, ‘the danger tool has no name’, but really…who am I fooling? I refer to it as _Cock Throbbin’_ ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/34 "2005-02-11T13:27:30Z")
> [@Roland Orzabal](#): > > I have nothing useful to add here, as mine is as yet unnamed. I just wanted to state that the three-post “John Henry” exchange between **Rufus Xavier** and **CandidGamera** was a thing of beauty, and ask permission from those two to gank it for dialogue in future movie script. Ever-so-glad to amuse. And of course, feel free to use it, as far as my part is concerned. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/35 "2005-02-11T15:05:36Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Yeah, I have to admit, I don’t really get this. Should I name my nose? There’s only one nose. How about my mouth? > > It’s kinda weird. 😃 Ah, it’s just for fun, not much else. It helps some couples get over some tiny inhibitions, especially if sex is new and strange, I suppose. Or sometimes it’s just to make them laugh. I’m all for laughing at sex, if it makes people more comfortable. As you know, I’m beyond comfortable with sex - though I’m not sure if I could attribute the comfort strictly to the naming of various body parts 😉 Like nicknames for lovers, sometimes it’s just an “in joke” between a couple. Sometimes my ex would use it as a way to let me know we should get home _right now_ while we were in public, without anyone knowing what we were talking about: “We should probably get going - George needs to be let out to play with Kitty and the girls.” The other ex would use “Spankalicious Deluxe” to make me laugh, because I was too nervous at first to show him my (I thought) gigantic ass. I named his dick “Rammstein” (“Stone Battering Ram”) because of the size of the weapon he was weilding, and it made me nervous. Especially when he didn’t seem to know how to weild that weapon very well (indeed, he used it much like a battering ram). Laughing with your lover over some ridiculous joke, sexual or otherwise, can be a fine, fine thing. It doesn’t hurt anyone and has both of you laughing and smiling at each other, and perhaps a chance of ending up in bed (or on the sofa, or the stairway leading up to bed, or the shower, or the floor, or wherever) - what could be better? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/36 "2005-02-11T15:30:26Z")
> [@Roland Orzabal](#): > > I have nothing useful to add here, as mine is as yet unnamed. I just wanted to state that the three-post “John Henry” exchange between **Rufus Xavier** and **CandidGamera** was a thing of beauty, and ask permission from those two to gank it for dialogue in future movie script. Well, thanks for the compliment and by all means, gank away. As for you, in light of your username, I suggest “The Lovetrain” (from Sowing the Seeds of Love - get it?). ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/37 "2005-02-11T15:53:52Z")
I never hear Bart Simpson singing “John Henry” quite the same way again. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/38 "2005-02-11T16:09:32Z")
One girlfriend , whom I surmise must have read **The Iron Dream** , would refer to my penis as **The Steel Commander.** While I was flattered, I never referred to it by that name, or any other, myself. I would feel silly calling it anything but “my penis.” ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391/39 "2005-02-11T17:40:16Z")
If I were to choose a name, it would be along the lines of those names they gave swords – _Glamdring, Orcrist, Stormbringer_ (But not _Sting_). Not exactly those names, of course – who wants to be “Foe Hammer”? – but some grandiose title you can use in Marvel comic-style mock-epic declamations: “Ho, I perceive a challenge for us, _Quimswiver_!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-named-your-privates/289391.md?page=1)