# Who rides in front when an elderly relative is a passenger? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 9, 2017, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412 "2017-10-09T23:15:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2017, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/21 "2017-10-10T20:57:23Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > I am. Cool, I was starting to wonder if that was a social norm I had imagined. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2017, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/22 "2017-10-10T21:03:38Z")
> [@Rhiannon8404](#): > > I get carsick very easily, even on very short trips, so I rarely sit in the back seat. I will suck it up if I have to, but my family would rather sit in the back than have me puking. Yeah, I was going to say me, because I get carsick and it’s always best for everyone if I sit in the front seat. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2017, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/23 "2017-10-10T23:10:26Z")
Don’t you Americans have roof racks? ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/24 "2017-10-11T00:56:50Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Don’t you Americans have roof racks? We do, but my 78-year-old mom isn’t too happy riding up there. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/25 "2017-10-11T01:04:16Z")
> [@Iggy](#): > > Uh… until age 90 grandma sat where she always sat - behind the steering wheel. 😮 > > She has only recently begrudgingly given up driving. At age 81 she now sits in the front passenger seat if riding in her car. Either she is getting younger every year or this is a typo. ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/26 "2017-10-11T02:40:24Z")
Oops. She drove up until age 90. Should have written 91 now. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/27 "2017-10-11T04:14:24Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > It’s _always_ easier & more comfortable in the front Not true. The seats may be lower and the doors larger. Larger doors can be a problem because it’s harder to brace yourself on the sides or the door itself. And even when the seat height is adjustable, it can be hard to adjust until you’re already in the seat, which defeats the purpose. Getting someone else to do it is a pain. My less-than-spry grandmother often prefers to take the rear seat. It’s her choice, of course. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/28 "2017-10-11T12:03:21Z")
We have a minivan, and it is easier for the halt to use the middle row because the lovely large sliding doors make for better access. With the third row seating collapsed into the floor [I adore stow and go seating!] we can fit my wheelchair and another wheelchair or a walker into the absolute back area. I will confess that I have illegally been transported while having a killer migraine laying flat on a cot set up on the right hand side of the van [the midrow seat and the back row seating stowed, the cot fits in perfectly and I will do long road trips with the cot set up so I can sleep in rest areas instead of spending money on a motel room.] ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/29 "2017-10-11T12:17:05Z")
> [@SlackerInc](#): > > Cool, I was starting to wonder if that was a social norm I had imagined. It’s kinda hilarious that with all the differing opinions you’ve been offered, a single agreement with your position confirms this must be an actual ‘social norm’. That seems pretty funny to me! Thanks for the giggle! ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/30 "2017-10-11T16:34:09Z")
We make a series of different accommodations for the elderly and none of them have to do with who is married to whom. They have to do with ease and safety of entrance, where the grandchildren are sitting, and occasionally, how much the given set of in-laws grate on the driver. All things being equal, we offer the best seat to the eldest person. Normally that is the front passenger seat. If they choose to interpret that as the middle row with grandchildren instead, have at it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/31 "2017-10-11T17:28:09Z")
When my dad last came out to visit, not only did he get the front passenger seat, but we actually switched cars for him. He was having trouble getting in and out of my Jeep, so my husband cleared a bunch of his work gear out of a sedan so we could drive a car lower to the ground. But if my husband’s dad ever rode in the car with us, I wouldn’t feel bad about sending him into the backseat of my Jeep, even though it’s a two-door. And it’s precisely because of the distinction made in the OP: my husband’s dad is physically fit and my dad is not. Though I suppose it’s relevant to point out that my husband’s dad is at least ten years younger than my dad (I think he just turned 60, so he’s really not even elderly yet). However, in practice I don’t think that’s ever happened. Either we go someplace as a group of four, in which case the parents drive/sit up front and my husband and I take the backseat, or my husband and his dad just go off somewhere and leave me at home. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/32 "2017-10-11T18:19:25Z")
There’s no rule that has to be followed. An elderly person should be given the choice but they should also acquiesce to the needs of others as far as comfort in the space, someone prone to carsickness, or their own preference which may be to ride in the back. ‘Shotgun’ is now the preferred position but the rear of the vehicle is more traditionally the location of respect while the front is for the help. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/33 "2017-10-11T18:41:05Z")
> [@SlackerInc](#): > > I’m talking about when a nuclear family of two spouses (husband and wife, wife and wife, husband and husband) and their kids add a grandparent or great-grandparent to the mix. Assume they are fairly spry, and the vehicle is four-door and not super hard to get in and out of. We note that OP doesn’t actually specify that the vehicle is a _car_. What if it’s a truck? Or a mini-van or similar? Or a roller-coaster? Or, say, [one of these](http://www.airport-data.com/images/aircraft/small/000/026/026780.jpg)? This is a two-door vehicle, so not exactly what OP specified. But I’m not sure if there are a lot of similar four-doors out there to choose from. I’d be inclined to put Grandpa/ma in one of the back seats. I wouldn’t say it’s super hard to get in or out, but it does take a bit of clambering so a bit of spryness is in order. Now, consider [this vehicle](http://www.airport-data.com/images/aircraft/small/000/045/045596.jpg). This one has only _one door_, on the passenger side as shown in this pic. [This pic](http://www.airport-data.com/images/aircraft/small/000/009/009638.jpg) shows that it doesn’t have any door at all on the driver’s side! It’s clear that one must be reasonably spry to climb in or out – if you look closely at the first pic, there’s a handle at the upper left corner of the rear-seat window for you to grab and haul yourself up. To get into either the front or rear left seat, you have to enter on the right and slide across to the other side. How would _you_ arrange your passengers here? ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/34 "2017-10-11T20:51:12Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > Mom gets nervous about Dad’s driving–speeding, sudden stops, excessive lane changes. Sitting in the back when there is someone else to sit upfront makes the driving easier for her to ignore. when I first moved by my aunt and her family I wondered why no one sat in the front seat until I did a few times… roller coasters aren’t as scary ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/35 "2017-10-11T22:34:24Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > ‘Shotgun’ is now the preferred position but the rear of the vehicle is more traditionally the location of respect while the front is for the help. Oh, that’s an interesting point I hadn’t considered. > [@elbows](#): > > It’s kinda hilarious that with all the differing opinions you’ve been offered, a single agreement with your position confirms this must be an actual ‘social norm’. That seems pretty funny to me! Thanks for the giggle! Oh jeez. :rolleyes: I did actually try to think of another word for it for the reason you lay out here, but I couldn’t think of any, and I figured people would be reasonable enough to understand that I wasn’t ignoring everyone else or saying this was the rule \*everyone \*in the U.S. believes in. Sheesh! My point was only that I thought in some families, regions, or social classes, there was such a norm. What would you call that? It’s not just a random opinion individuals come to espouse, but a rule of etiquette within their in-group. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/36 "2017-10-11T22:45:12Z")
My wife’s grandma was living when our kids were really little and preferred to sit in the back and entertain them. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/37 "2017-10-11T22:52:16Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > We make a series of different accommodations for the elderly and none of them have to do with who is married to whom. They have to do with ease and safety of entrance, where the grandchildren are sitting, and occasionally, how much the given set of in-laws grate on the driver. All things being equal, we offer the best seat to the eldest person. Normally that is the front passenger seat. If they choose to interpret that as the middle row with grandchildren instead, have at it. You know, now that I think of it, when we went somewhere with my grandmother when I was a little kid, I was often in the backseat with my grandmother. This made some sense when it was our car, and my grandmother wanted to sit with the grandkids-- she would have been under 60, so she wasn’t that old. But this was happening now that I think about it, when I was _really_ little, which means that my father was driving my grandmother’s car, and my mother was riding shotgun. I know my mother, and she would NOT have banished her mother to the backseat, even if she was motion-sickness prone. My grandmother must have turned her car over to my father just to sit with me. Awwwwwww. I never realized that before. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/38 "2017-10-11T22:57:26Z")
> [@SlackerInc](#): > > My point was only that I thought in some families, regions, or social classes, there was such a norm. What would you call that? It’s not just a random opinion individuals come to espouse, but a rule of etiquette within their in-group. Then, I have to ask: what experiences have led you to believe that this _is_ somehow a social norm for some group(s)? IME, in most passenger cars\*, the front passenger seat is much easier to get in and out of for people with limited mobility. It’s not just the door, but the amount of room in the footwell. On occasions when my wife and I have provided a ride to an elderly relative, we’ve given them their choice of where to sit, but it’s nearly always the front passenger seat. which means that either my wife or I wind up in the back seat (actually, it means that _I_ wind up in the back seat, because my wife complains of motion sickness if she’s not in a front seat). There’s no norm / expectation that she and I _must_ sit in the front seats, because it’s our car, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard of such a thing. - - minivans, esp. those with sliding side doors, may be a different case. I’ve never owned one, so I can’t comment with certainty. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2017, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/39 "2017-10-11T23:16:23Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > Then, I have to ask: what experiences have led you to believe that this _is_ somehow a social norm for some group(s)? > > IME, in most passenger cars\*, the front passenger seat is much easier to get in and out of for people with limited mobility. It’s not just the door, but the amount of room in the footwell. On occasions when my wife and I have provided a ride to an elderly relative, we’ve given them their choice of where to sit, but it’s nearly always the front passenger seat. which means that either my wife or I wind up in the back seat (actually, it means that _I_ wind up in the back seat, because my wife complains of motion sickness if she’s not in a front seat). > > There’s no norm / expectation that she and I _must_ sit in the front seats, because it’s our car, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard of such a thing. > > - > - minivans, esp. those with sliding side doors, may be a different case. I’ve never owned one, so I can’t comment with certainty. I’m fully willing to accept the obvious, that this “norm” is a minority position, at least on this board (I assume most regions are covered here, but there are likely to be social classes not well represented). The experiences I’ve had are many, over more than four decades of life (okay, maybe I can’t quite remember all four, but close). The husband and wife (as noted in my OP, I honor other combinations, including a very good pair of friends who are lesbian spouses, but this is the one it’s always been when I’ve observed it) sit in the front, next to each other, regardless of who’s in tow. I never specifically asked, but I always got the impression it was less “this is our car, we get the front, suck it” and more “we’re married, so it would feel/look like we’re estranged if we don’t sit next to each other, and one of us is driving, so…”. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2017, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412/40 "2017-10-12T00:14:29Z")
> [@SlackerInc](#): > > I never specifically asked, but I always got the impression it was less “this is our car, we get the front, suck it” and more “we’re married, so it would feel/look like we’re estranged if we don’t sit next to each other, and one of us is driving, so…”. You can’t possibly be serious. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-rides-in-front-when-an-elderly-relative-is-a-passenger/798412.md?page=3)