# Who should we send to colonize Mars? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2012, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433 "2012-05-19T15:28:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/1 "2012-05-19T15:28:56Z")
Just assume (heh, heh) that the technology has reached the stage where we are collecting living human beings to be sent to Mars for the rest of their lives to do whatever it takes to start a civilization there. 100 folks in a reverse Noah’s Ark scenario. Who HAS to be on that ride? Explain your choice(s) if you must ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/2 "2012-05-19T15:42:20Z")
Me! Me! I want to go! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/3 "2012-05-19T15:45:07Z")
Australians. Just ship 'em all to Mars. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/4 "2012-05-19T15:54:40Z")
Gingrich. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/5 "2012-05-19T15:54:57Z")
The entire starring cast of _The Expendables_ must be included. 'Cause when the shit goes down, there’s nothing they haven’t collectively seen before. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/6 "2012-05-19T15:56:34Z")
Depends. Will there be hookers and blow? ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/7 "2012-05-19T16:06:00Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > Depends. Will there be hookers and blow? Most of the batch I’m thinking of will be taking their own! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/8 "2012-05-19T16:10:47Z")
Assuming the OP is serious, the size of the crew is quite important. 100 is remarkably large for an expedition, but too small for a colony. But, given the constraints, I would make certain that there was a healthy gender mix of various professions ranging from biologists/medics to physicists and chemists with those pesky administrative types tossed in there somewhere. I would suggest that most people should be cross-trained in as many disciplines as possible. Of course, the focus of the mission should be well-defined. What does the OP hope to accomplish with this mythical mission to Mars? ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/9 "2012-05-19T16:21:53Z")
> [@Gagundathar](#): > > Assuming the OP is serious, the size of the crew is quite important. > 100 is remarkably large for an expedition, but too small for a colony. > > Of course, the focus of the mission should be well-defined. > What does the OP hope to accomplish with this mythical mission to Mars? This was not to be taken too seriously! 😉 The main objective would be to get them off of Planet Earth without resorting to outright murder. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/10 "2012-05-19T16:33:01Z")
Oh, now I understand. You are asking for a set of people that you wish to EXILE to Mars, right? May I suggest Newt Gingrich? He can be the Captain of the USS Useless. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/11 "2012-05-19T16:36:48Z")
> [@Gagundathar](#): > > Oh, now I understand. You are asking for a set of people that you wish to EXILE to Mars, right? > > May I suggest Newt Gingrich? > He can be the Captain of the USS Useless. That’s the ticket! Glenn Beck Rush Limbaugh Everybody that threw a head covering into the Republican Primary ring 75% of the “stars” of Reality TV ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/12 "2012-05-19T16:37:52Z")
A colony on Mars? Nah. Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids, in fact it’s cold as hell. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/13 "2012-05-19T16:41:20Z")
> [@Gagundathar](#): > > May I suggest Newt Gingrich? > He can be the Captain of the USS Useless. Dick Cheney and his boy wonder put in stasis aboard the Botany Bay. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/14 "2012-05-19T16:46:02Z")
Libertarians. They’ll love all the freedom. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/15 "2012-05-19T16:53:28Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > This was not to be taken too seriously! 😉 > > The main objective would be to get them off of Planet Earth without resorting to outright murder. Damn, I don’t know if I can whittle the list down to just 100 people. Let’s see…Rachel from Card Services deserves a slot, along with whoever hired her. In fact, let’s send EVERYONE who owns or has shares in a telemarketing business over there. If there’s still room on the ship, then I suggest that we start adding spammers, with the most prolific ones getting the highest priority. Still got room? Newt Gingrich. Andrew Wakefield (the ex doc who started the antivaxxers) and every celeb who swallowed his nonsense. I’m thinking that we’re gonna need more ships. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/16 "2012-05-19T16:53:33Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > A colony on Mars? Nah. Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids, in fact it’s cold as hell. I understand rocket men like it. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/17 "2012-05-19T17:57:34Z")
And all this science I don’t understand. It’s just my job five days a week. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/18 "2012-05-19T18:02:38Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > I’m thinking that we’re gonna need more ships. With a nod to _Jaws_ that’s the best line in the thread! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunzio_Tavulari)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/19 "2012-05-19T18:26:07Z")
Westboro Baptist Church. Somebody has to keep the gays out. Oprah. She can keep morale up. Glenn Beck. We’ll need someone to mine for gold. Rush Limbaugh. He’s full of hot air. The colonists need lots of air. Nancy Grace. Think about the children!!! The cast from Glee. Everybody likes music. Any actor who has appeared in a movie based on a comic book, & the directors of same. Let’s face it, the crew is doomed unless there’s a handsome hero there to pull them out at the last minute. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2012, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433/20 "2012-05-19T18:30:13Z")
I say we send all the middle managers, security guards, public relations execs, telephone sanitizers and the lot, let the Enormous Mutant Star-Goat eat 'em all [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-should-we-send-to-colonize-mars/622433.md?page=2)