# Who the fuck would do this to a library book??? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 28, 2006, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017 "2006-11-28T01:32:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/1 "2006-11-28T01:32:39Z")
Not Pit-worthy, but pissing me off mightily nonetheless. My husband went to the library to pick up a book he’d reserved. He got home, sat down, opened it, and said, “I smell something really floral. What is it?” It was the book. It smells like someone had used one of those obnoxious perfume strips from a fashion magazine as a bookmark. And it’s some really dreadful heavy perfume like Obsession or something. The book is closed and sitting 10 feet away from me and I can smell it. Ga-a-a-a-ah! My mother-in-law is one of those incredibly scent-sensitive people. If she’d picked up this book, she’d be dead of an asthma attack by now. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/2 "2006-11-28T01:44:19Z")
[QUOTE=freckafree] It smells like someone had used one of those obnoxious perfume strips from a fashion magazine as a bookmark. And it’s some really dreadful heavy perfume like Obsession or something. [/QUOTE] Obviously it’s someone who likes Obsession, or whatever it is. I hope your mother-in-law doesn’t read fashion magazines. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/3 "2006-11-28T01:45:21Z")
Or maybe someone who’s a security guard in a perfume factory. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/4 "2006-11-28T02:10:11Z")
**Listen** to me, children! A perfume strip is _nothing_ compared to a snuff or chewing tobacco streak or a bugger, okay? :eek: Now go worry about something important! 😉 Just kidding! I can see where that smell would permeate for quite a while and make you wanna puke, thereby ruining your enjoyment of the book. Where’s Stephen King’s “Library Policeman” when you need him? Q ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/5 "2006-11-28T02:22:45Z")
[QUOTE=Quasimodem] Where’s Stephen King’s “Library Policeman” when you need him? Q [/QUOTE] Or [Rex Libris](http://www.slavelabor.com/prev_rex/prev_rex.html)??? ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/6 "2006-11-28T03:03:54Z")
Libraries and bookstores will use fabric softener sheets to remove odors from books. Maybe your book stinks because someone went overboard with them. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/7 "2006-11-28T04:59:45Z")
[QUOTE=Quasimodem] A perfume strip is _nothing_ compared to a snuff or chewing tobacco streak or a bugger, okay? :eek: [/QUOTE] What, in this particular context, does “bugger” mean? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/8 "2006-11-28T05:04:50Z")
I briefly worked as a page at my local library when I was in high school. We frequently got books back that smelled strongly of cigarette smoke. (No big, we just aired them out until the smell dissipated.) But once we got a book back that smelled like it had been left at the bottom of the cat box for about two months. It reeked more strongly of cat shit than some actual cat boxes I’ve had the misfortune to smell. I will never forget the look on the head librarian’s face when summoned to examine the problem. With a slight wrinkle of her nose, she held it up as one would hold up a soiled handkerchief, and pronounced, “_This_ one is going _straight_ to the restoration department.” ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/9 "2006-11-28T05:05:43Z")
[QUOTE=jackelope] What, in this particular context, does “bugger” mean? [/QUOTE] This sent me off into uncontrollable giggles, for some reason. Why, if everytime I opened a book I received a random _bugger_ every now and then… I’d probably read even more than I already do. There. I said it. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/10 "2006-11-28T05:12:15Z")
I worked in a used book store for several years. You wouldn’t believe some of the weird things that people use as bookmarks. When we inspected books before putting them up for sale, we found all sorts of peculiar stuff. Business cards, receipts for all sorts of things, personal letters, bits of knitting and crochet work, legal papers (including a jury summons), torn-out portions of other books, hair barrettes, and on and on. The best thing I ever found inside a used book: a $20 bill. The worst: a mummified, rancid piece of bacon. The even-worse worst: a dried-out but obviously used condom. ---
**Author:** ![Martiju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Martiju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martiju)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/11 "2006-11-28T10:46:43Z")
[QUOTE=pinkfreud] The even-worse worst: a dried-out but obviously used condom. [/QUOTE] That wasn’t a bookmark, I was pressing it to put in my album… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/12 "2006-11-28T13:04:38Z")
Hey, who doesn’t love a book with a happy ending? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/13 "2006-11-28T13:10:56Z")
[QUOTE=pinkfreud] The even-worse worst: a dried-out but obviously used condom. [/QUOTE] [del]Perhaps this is what **Quasimodem** meant by[/del]…no-no-no. I can’t lower myself to that level! I once found a small, flattened, dried _lizard_ in a library book in Florida. I couldn’t tell if it was a bookmark, or the victim of being deliberately smashed between the pages. It was a large volume. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/14 "2006-11-28T14:21:53Z")
Since this thread isn’t about the artistic merits of a book, it’s in the wrong section of our library here at the SDMB. I’ll shelve it in MPSIMS for ya. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/15 "2006-11-28T14:32:30Z")
[QUOTE=freckafree] My mother-in-law is one of those incredibly scent-sensitive people. If she’d picked up this book, she’d be dead of an asthma attack by now. [/QUOTE] “Tonight, on FoxNews: Al Caida attacks in Your library? What You need to know to keep from Dying..! Tonight, at 10…” ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/16 "2006-11-28T14:40:22Z")
[QUOTE=Martiju] That wasn’t a bookmark, I was pressing it to put in my album… 😃 [/QUOTE] Hahahaha…Nice to know someone else enjoys scrapbooking. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Subway\_Prophet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@Subway\_Prophet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Subway_Prophet)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/17 "2006-11-28T14:41:16Z")
I once found someone’s baptism certificate. I couldn’t figure out what church they went through, but I was able to find a relative and return it because an invitation to a reception at their house was with the certificate. Aaaaaand a slightly snarky hijack… [QUOTE=MsWhatsit] I briefly worked as a page at my local library [/QUOTE] So…what did they find pressed between the pages at that library? 😛 Well, _someone_ had to say it. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/18 "2006-11-28T16:06:50Z")
Death to a person who does that. I can’t stand the smell of perfumes…makes my head all stuffed up and dizzy. I would have had to skip reading that book, most likely. I got a coffee at McDonald’s once, and as I was drinking it, kept noticing a very flowery smell. Finally figured out that the person who put the lid on it must have been wearing a lot of perfume, and it somehow leached onto the lid. Yuck. Regarding weird bookmarks in library books. I once found an airplane ticket stub in a book, and it was actually someone I worked with. (Had her name on the stub, and it’s an unusual hyphenated name, so I knew it had to be her.) Weirded me out, and so now I am very careful NEVER to put anything in a library book that has my name on it! ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/19 "2006-11-28T18:20:10Z")
[QUOTE=jackelope] What, in this particular context, does “bugger” mean? [/QUOTE] Booger? Snot, nose dirt… ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017/20 "2006-11-28T19:14:55Z")
Mostly I just find unidentifiable stains and/or smears. I did find several fossilized boogers, on various pages once. It was back when they still stamped the checkout dates in the back of books. The previous customer was from 4 years earlier. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-fuck-would-do-this-to-a-library-book/382017.md?page=2)