# Who the heck are the "post gays"? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [July 14, 2008, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410 "2008-07-14T06:15:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/1 "2008-07-14T06:15:29Z")
[Per this article](http://www.villagevoice.com/2008-06-17/nyc-life/parties-with-a-boy-flavor/) what the heck does “post gay” mean? > [@](#): > > Color me cynical, but when Pride season rolls around every June, I can’t help but feel like that gay rainbow blends into a few predictable shades. God knows I love my Chelsea boys, with their physical perfection and enduring love of Erasure remixes. But Pride involves more than shirtless wonders tearing up the dance floor. > > The gay “community” (ironic word in this context, no?) is way more diverse than that—and so are our parties. Where are the club freaks? The rock ‘n’ roll fags? The bears, daddies, and leathermen? Where are the homies and banji boys? And where are those elusive post-gays? They’re celebrating Gay Pride, too. (OK, maybe not the post-gays.) ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/2 "2008-07-14T06:20:48Z")
My guess is the people who supposedly stop being gay and abandon homosexuality in favor of a “normal” life, through religious programs, things like that? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/3 "2008-07-14T06:24:55Z")
Means “back in the closet.” One could understand why they wouldn’t celebrate Pride. Makes them feel all oogy in their secret places. ---
**Author:** ![Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d9b06d/32.png) [@Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boozahol_Squid_P.I)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/4 "2008-07-14T06:25:38Z")
[QUOTE=Argent Towers] My guess is the people who supposedly stop being gay and abandon homosexuality in favor of a “normal” life, through religious programs, things like that? [/QUOTE] There are also the slews of (mostly female) folks who are bisexual or gay for a while, and then change their minds, and settle down as functional heteros, but still have an affinity for the gay lifestyle. Hell, that describes 2/3 of the gay friends I had in college. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/5 "2008-07-14T06:47:34Z")
I googled around and [here is what I found](http://www.wordspy.com/words/post-gay.asp) It’s gay, but ummm…not…well… “real gay”. > [@](#): > > post-gay (POHST-gay) adj. When homosexuals define their identity by something other than their sexual preference. > [@](#): > > Post-gay is a fledgling, somewhat murky idea that describes a homosexual identity in which sexual behavior no longer defines one’s life. It’s not bisexuality. It’s not retreating to the closet. It is a way of saying, “We’ve come a long way, so calm down.” In a post-gay world, homosexuals have won their battle for acceptance and are now free to move beyond identity politics. Anne Heche is post-gay, for example. Ellen isn’t. > > “Post-gay isn’t 'ungay,”’ explains James Collard, Out’s editor in chief. “It’s about taking a critical look at gay life and no longer thinking solely in terms of struggle. It’s going to a gay bar and wishing there were girls there to talk to.” > —“New Way of Being,” The New York Times, June 21, 1998 ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/6 "2008-07-14T07:00:46Z")
Well, if the old joke is true, “the difference between a straight guy and a gay guy is a six pack of beer”, my guess is that a “post gay” is on his third beer. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/7 "2008-07-14T08:45:02Z")
So…“Post-Gay” is to “Gay Pride” what “Democrat” is to “took the brown acid, tried to climb onto The Who’s helicopter at Woodstock”? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/8 "2008-07-14T09:02:06Z")
Hmmmm, interesting. Not heard that term before but I think it probably describes me. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/9 "2008-07-14T09:10:30Z")
I’m straight, so this is possibly conjecture more than anything, but I suspect the answer is pretty mundane. I know about “scene” and “non-scene” gay folk, so my wager is that this is not set in stone, and some people progress from “scene” to “non-scene” as a part of growing older. Straight people tend to get boring and suburban post 30 or 40, so why not gay ones? ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/10 "2008-07-14T15:03:20Z")
I thought I understood what they meant until they said Anne Heche. I would call her bi or just opportunistic…depending on how you look at it. I would like to be the definition **Astro** gave (prior to the quote), but until the struggle is over, such as full marriage rights, I really can’t do that. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/11 "2008-07-14T15:26:03Z")
[QUOTE=Diomedes] There are also the slews of (mostly female) folks who are bisexual or gay for a while, and then change their minds, and settle down as functional heteros, but still have an affinity for the gay lifestyle. Hell, that describes 2/3 of the gay friends I had in college. [/QUOTE] Ah, yes, the “hasbiens”. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/12 "2008-07-14T15:30:01Z")
[QUOTE=Argent Towers] My guess is the people who supposedly stop being gay and abandon homosexuality in favor of a “normal” life, through religious programs, things like that? [/QUOTE] That’s an “ex-gay.” “Post-gay” is a play on various other “post-fill in the blank” constructions, like “post-feminist” and “post-modern.” ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/13 "2008-07-14T16:36:59Z")
[QUOTE=DMark] Well, if the old joke is true, “the difference between a straight guy and a gay guy is a six pack of beer”, my guess is that a “post gay” is on his third beer. [/QUOTE] I think those would be “pre gay”. The morning after, they’d be “post gay”. So what the heck is a “banji boy”? (afraid to google it at work…) ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/14 "2008-07-14T16:39:06Z")
[QUOTE=Otto] That’s an “ex-gay.” [/QUOTE] Shouldn’t that be a “denial-gay”? I’m pretty sure the APNA laid the “gay cure” idea to rest… ---
**Author:** ![shy\_guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@shy\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shy_guy)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/15 "2008-07-14T21:27:21Z")
[QUOTE=Illuminatiprimus] Hmmmm, interesting. Not heard that term before but I think it probably describes me. [/QUOTE] It describes me as well. While I am a man attracted to men exclusively, I don’t feel any kind of affinity with gay culture, and my being gay isn’t a big way in which I define myself either socially or politically. In fact, I don’t think of myself as “gay” at all. It has absolutely nothing to do with being in denial or pretending to have been “cured.” It’s a way of reacting to the fact that one is attracted to people of the same sex that is different from what we’d normally think of as embracing the gay community or whatever. I think the “going to a gay bar and wishing there were girls to talk to,” is a good definition. I rarely go to gay bars, and when I do it feels about as strange to me as if I were going to a bar exclusively for left-handed people. For me it’s something like going to a Pride parade and feeling as though it has absolutely nothing to do with me. It’s not an age thing, either. I’m 24, and I’ve felt this way since I was around 20 - 21. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/16 "2008-07-14T21:32:39Z")
[QUOTE=shy guy] It’s not an age thing, either. I’m 24, and I’ve felt this way since I was around 20 - 21. [/QUOTE] Quite - I’m only 29 myself. I only knew the last London Pride was happening because I happened to stumble across it whilst walking through Soho. My reaction was “Oh man did it have to be today? It’s going to take ages to get to Tottenham Court Road through all these idiots”. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/17 "2008-07-14T22:00:12Z")
I’ve heard it used to define 20-somethings who are basically bi by default and couldn’t care less about who is and isn’t a homosexual. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/18 "2008-07-14T22:07:51Z")
[QUOTE=Cat Fight] I’ve heard it used to define 20-somethings who are basically bi by default and couldn’t care less about who is and isn’t a homosexual. [/QUOTE] Then why not just call them bi? Good grief we complicate everything needlessly don’t we? (We as in the general we) ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2008, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/19 "2008-07-14T22:57:41Z")
[QUOTE=Lightray] I think those would be “pre gay”. The morning after, they’d be “post gay”. So what the heck is a “banji boy”? (afraid to google it at work…) [/QUOTE] [Banjee Boy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banjee), a phrase that originated at least in the early 80s. See related terms such as\* homo thug \* and _gayngsta_. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2008, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410/20 "2008-07-15T00:51:12Z")
All this pre-gay, post-gay, ante-gay, whatever bullshit just cements my belief that we should agree on four categories: 1. Likes cock 2. Likes pussy 3. Likes cock and pussy 4. Doesn’t care for either cock or pussy Ever so much simpler than all this philosophical bullshit. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-heck-are-the-post-gays/456410.md?page=2)