# Who the hell cares what happens to my children, as long as the SD Community loves me
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [June 28, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895 "2003-06-28T00:52:19Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/1 "2003-06-28T00:52:19Z")
OK, so we’ve got a Doper who is bragging about how she was partying at a DopeFest when the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Children called that they had taken her children because her home (many many hours away) was too “badly kept” for children to be in.
Now, government agencies do not take children from their homes unless the environment is unsafe – dangerous, we’re talking, dangerous to the children. Rat and cockroach infestation, broken glass, vomit in the halls, unflushed shit in the toilets, that’s pretty commonplace in the inner city and that’s not sufficient to get children pulled out of a home. So we’re talking about something that must have been pretty fuckin’ bad.
So, this “mother” is out partying and having fun with her online friends, instead of noticing what condition her house is in? She’s so delighted at the support given her by her online friends, but says not one word about what hell her children must have gone through while she was drinking it up.
Awwwww, it’s so sweet, that all her Doper friends gathered around to help her clean up. Seems to me that she’d already made it very clear that her Doper friends are more important to her than her children.
Sorry, this story doesn’t make me feel sweet and goopy inside, it makes me feel nauseated.
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### Author:  [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/2 "2003-06-28T00:57:52Z")
Wait, wait. Who was watching the children while she was away?
Hopefully we’re talking about a few 16 yr olds or so here if no one was watching them. I can’t imagine leaving my kid at home while I was hours and hours away.
Also, I would assume that severe cockroach infestation, vomit, broken glass and unflushed feces would be plenty sufficient to remove a child from a home if the child was young enough.
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### Author:  [@Venoma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venoma)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/3 "2003-06-28T01:02:31Z")
Man. Linkety link link?
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### Author:  [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/4 "2003-06-28T01:05:16Z")
[“Thank you, Doper Community” in MPSIMS](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=193732) … but don’t post negative comments there, that’s only for hugging and wallowing in self-congratulations.
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### Author:  [@Jadis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jadis)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/5 "2003-06-28T01:06:41Z")
This is one of the most assholish OPs I’ve ever seen. A few tidbits of second-hand info and you’re dragging someone’s dirty laundry out in public to air, not knowing nearly enough of the surrounding details to cast any aspersions whatsoever.
Nice job, Mr. Administrator. Where’s the vomit smiley when you need one?
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### Author:  [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/6 "2003-06-28T01:16:31Z")
[A few tidbits of second-hand info and you’re dragging someone’s dirty laundry out in public to air, not knowing nearly enough of the surrounding details to cast any aspersions whatsoever.]]
A major HUH???
This OP is responding to a first-person account. A person who chose to air her own dirty laundry. So now here’s her opportunity to clear this all up for those of us who must have misinterpreted something.
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### Author:  [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/7 "2003-06-28T01:21:13Z")
I feel very conflicted, and I want to make it clear that I am posting here because I have reservations, not because I am out to bash the OP (in MPSIMS).
From what I know of her, she sounds like a very nice, intelligent person, and a loving mother. Not the kind of person who would leave her children to live in squalor.
But CPS must have had some justification, didn’t they? Or was it just one of those “better safe than sorry” things (aka “shoot first, ask questions later”), where CPS recieved a call, made sure the kids were safe **first** , and THEN investigated?
I am disturbed by the idea that a Doper’s children were taken into custody by CPS.
But at the same time, I have heard of so many incidents where CPS shot their big fat mouths off, and then had nothing to back it up. I **hate** hearing about those times.
Like I said, I am conflicted. I reserve judgement.
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### Author:  [@Jadis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jadis)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/8 "2003-06-28T01:25:53Z")
Although I was not aware that Persephone posted about the incident, I’ve read it now and her account clearly did not detail everything that contributed to her situation. Her thread was intended as a thank you to the people who helped her through a crisis. CK couldn’t even be bothered to wait for her to come back to her thread to explain (although I honestly don’t think she owes anyone here an explanation of the intimate details of how she came to be in her predicament), he decided it was better to rush off a snarky entry condemning her.
She wasn’t expecting pats on the back, she was just expressing gratitude to the community who helped her out. I’m sure she’ll be gratified to see how _that_ turned out.
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### Author:  [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/9 "2003-06-28T01:28:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> I feel very conflicted, and I want to make it clear that I am posting here because I have reservations, not because I am out to bash the OP (in MPSIMS).
>
> From what I know of her, she sounds like a very nice, intelligent person, and a loving mother. Not the kind of person who would leave her children to live in squalor.
That is exactly how I feel. I’m thinking there may be more to the story–like the CPS was in the wrong. But reading the OP? She needed that many people to help her clean? I imagine they were doing more than dusting, which implies to me that she was in the wrong, and not some sort of victim…
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### Author:  [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/10 "2003-06-28T01:29:05Z")
Can I point out a couple things in her OP, please?
1. It sounded to me like the kids were staying with hubby while she was off meeting some Dopers. So they weren’t exactly abandoned. Note that hubby was not with her at the gathering in NY, he was at work and had his cellphone turned off. Presumably the kids were in HIS custody at the time.
2. The issue CPS had was with the HOUSE, not the kids. The kids are staying at her brother’s house and have NOT been removed from her custody. Again, CPS only considers her a dreadful housekeeper, not a bad mother, since the kids have NOT been removed from her custody.
3. As soon as the house was cleaned up, the kids were returned.
So, Mr. Administrator, I suggest you at least complain accurately about what’s in the original post before saying things like: “the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Children called that they had taken her children.” They did not take her children. They said that her house was unfit for children to stay in. There IS a difference, contrary to what you think.
And no, I don’t know her, have never met her, have never met any of the folks in her post. I’m just willing to believe that maybe there’s some more stuff going on here than we know about, and that being a bad housekeeper doesn’t make her a bad mother. If that were so, a whole lot of us would have had our kids taken away.
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### Author:  [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/11 "2003-06-28T01:29:21Z")
And posting this makes you the better man, I suppose? :rolleyes:
As I’ve heard the administration say, some things really belong in email and not on the boards.
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### Author:  [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/12 "2003-06-28T01:30:53Z")
Dex … may I say in all seriousness -
Fuck you.
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### Author:  [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/13 "2003-06-28T01:31:35Z")
CD, I think there are two point here that you are mixing up.
The first that the situation could have been avoided. A serious situation.
The second point is the loyalty that Dopers have for each other. (Which is, IMHO, the main point of her post.)
Persephone is focusing on the second point.
She doesn’t seem to be saying “Hey! Thanks for bailing me out! Good to know you guys will be there **when** something like this happens again.”
I took her post to say, "Hey, this was a bad situation that I was in, and the Dopers helped me ‘get my act together’/ ‘straighten things out.’ "
I have seen the loyalty of Dopers first hand. This week in fact. It wasn’t a serious situation like Persephone mentioned in her OP, but yes, I am sure I could have avoided it, but regardless, Dopers banded together and offered to help me out. And THAT, as I see it, is the focus of Persephone’s post.
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### Author:  [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/14 "2003-06-28T01:33:01Z")
This is why I try not to talk about serious stuff going on in my life on the boards. Yikes.
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### Author:  [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/15 "2003-06-28T01:36:33Z")
**CK** you have jumped to too many conclusions. And it doesn’t become you at all.
You’ve exhibited the kind of knee-jerk judgmentalism that this community is dedicated to fighting. There is more to the story than a slovenly mother who decided it was more important to party hearty with her online friends than take care of her children. Much more.
Since you don’t have all the facts, you should remove your foot from your mouth long enough to apologize and ask for clarification. Not that you deserve any.
Get off your soapbox and show some compassion. You paint an entirely wrong picture of the situation, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
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### Author:  [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/16 "2003-06-28T01:37:14Z")
[[1) It sounded to me like the kids were staying with hubby while she was off meeting some Dopers. So they weren’t exactly abandoned. Note that hubby was not with her at the gathering in NY, he was at work and had his cellphone turned off. Presumably the kids were in HIS custody at the time.]]
Huh?? I am so confused.
And from the MPSIMS post, it sounded like the kids were not returned to her, or if they were, it happened _while_ she was writing that post.
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### Author:  [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/17 "2003-06-28T01:37:17Z")
Oh God. Lets not go here.
As somebody who loves this board, all I can say is SOMEBODY PLEASE CLOSE THIS. And the MPSIMS one.
Before it’s too late.
Please.
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### Author:  [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/18 "2003-06-28T01:40:22Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by JillGat \*
> \*\*And from the MPSIMS post, it sounded like the kids were not returned to her, or if they were, it happened _while_ she was writing that post. \*\*
From the original thread:
> [@](#):
>
> CPS couldn’t reach my husband–he was at work, and had his cellphone turned off.
Unless her husband does not work locally, he was in the same city as the children and, we assume, in charge of them.
> [@](#):
>
> Kyla babysat my kids (while we were staying in a hotel room–the kids can’t be in the house right now, but CPS agrees that it was just the house that was neglegted, not the children. They’re staying with my brother right now, until CPS comes back and says things are okay, but they have NOT been removed from our custody)
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### Author:  [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/19 "2003-06-28T01:40:41Z")
I am also disappointed in C K Dexter Haven. Nowhere in the MPSIMS thread does it mention anything about “rat and cockroach infestation, broken glass, vomit in the halls, unflushed shit in the toilets.” While you did not accuse her place of being in this condition, you inferred that it must have been much worse. There could be several reasons that the house was unfit. It does not necessarily need to be a sanitation issue.
I would have expected a little more discression and tact from an administrator. You know very little of the situation and what led to CPS remove the kids from the hose (not her custody, however), yet you rushed to judgement.
Shame on you.
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### Author:  [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)
#### Post date: [June 28, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-cares-what-happens-to-my-children-as-long-as-the-sd-community-loves-me/184895/20 "2003-06-28T01:40:56Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by JillGat \*
> \*\*[[1) It sounded to me like the kids were staying with hubby while she was off meeting some Dopers. So they weren’t exactly abandoned. Note that hubby was not with her at the gathering in NY, he was at work and had his cellphone turned off. Presumably the kids were in HIS custody at the time.]]
>
> Huh?? I am so confused.
>
> And from the MPSIMS post, it sounded like the kids were not returned to her, or if they were, it happened _while_ she was writing that post. \*\*
Yeah I know … it’s almost like people should find out what the whole story is before they go shooting ther fucking mouths off, huh?
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