# Who the hell lets their children call that late at night? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 9, 2004, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166 "2004-04-09T12:44:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/41 "2004-04-10T01:38:32Z")
> [@elfbabe](#): > > … and was quietly mad at you for about a week afterward. Then I got over it, though Good. Now go post to my GD thread. [Jesus gave up a weekend for our sins](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=250144) ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/42 "2004-04-10T01:51:06Z")
My own experence, my sister was allowed to get calls at any time, literally, and did. Now i HATE the Fn PHONE, HATE WHEN IT RINGS, I HATE IT, HATE IT HATE IT. I realize that I must have a phone, but that doesn’t means i can’t HATE IT and I do as is my right. My work scedual is very variable, so I will only accept calls from 8a to 8p, frequently will let calls go to VM, because I HATE IT, and I find that many people have nothing to say, they leave a message with no reason for them to call me in the 1st place and no reason for me to call them back, and it is quicker then me answering. ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/43 "2004-04-10T01:51:07Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > Good. Now go post to my GD thread. Yessir. ---
**Author:** ![Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirror_Image_egamI_rorriM)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/44 "2004-04-10T02:19:37Z")
I’m 17, and I also have the “no phone after nine” rule. My parents aren’t really strict about it, though, mostly because I almost never talk on the phone. If I am going to be up until all hours of the morning, I prefer to talk to people online. As far as I know, the only times I can remember getting a phone call after nine were when I had been at a friend’s house, and someone had called three or four times. When I got home at 10:45 or so, he called again so I talked to him then. Oh, and one time my friend called me at 10:30 with an “emergency”: “Lindsay, you’ve got to help me! I want to talk to Alex, but I don’t want to call him! Will you call him so I can talk to him on the three-way?” I hung up on her. ---
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/45 "2004-04-10T03:05:33Z")
By the time I was sixteen all my friends had cellphones. If I was going to be calling the after, say 9.30-10ish, I’d text them, saying something like ‘can I call you’. If I didn’t hear back, they were asleep, and if I did then I could call and not piss of the parents. My parents never had much in the way of curfews, but anyone ringing after, say 10pm would be told that this was bad form, and not to do it again. ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/46 "2004-04-10T04:25:44Z")
I sure wish I had the social life necessary to be getting calls at odd hours of the night. My little brother gets more phone calls than me for God’s sake! ---
**Author:** ![theR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/977dab/32.png) [@theR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/theR)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/47 "2004-04-10T04:55:20Z")
> [@Beelzebubba](#): > > I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you how much I despise this mentality. Why should I be expected to give credence to every far-fetched remotely possible excuse for poor behavior? Maybe she was just an airhead with poor manners calling at a late hour to gab about nothing, maybe not. Frankly, I don’t think it’s too much to expect polite behavior from everyone (including not calling at 11PM), nor do I think its unreasonable to be miffed when that expectation is not met. > > I’m not inclined to excuse every jerk I run across just because this just might possibly be the worst moment of his wretched, pathetic life. In the words of my dear missus, “Get over yourself.” You give the impression of being an incredible asshole with a statement like this. How hard is it to simply ask, “Is it an emergency?” and, if it is not, to reply “Sorry, but we don’t allow her to accept calls after Xpm.” It’s not like it happened for two weeks straight or something. It’s not ok for the caller to be rude, but it’s ok for you to be rude? If someone needs to get over himself, it’s you. To insist on good manners without having them yourself makes you the jerk. It was probably just an honest mistake. If it continues to happen, then it obviously is more than that, but until then I think it is safe to give the caller the benefit of the doubt. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/48 "2004-04-10T05:37:00Z")
> [@artemis](#): > > Even if it means they end up failing their classes? > > A lot of kids (at least in the preteen/young teen age range) don’t have the judgment yet to make responsible use of such freedom, and left to their own devices they’ll too much time chatting on the phone/watching TV or DVDs/surfing the 'net to do well in school. Until they mature a bit more and show they are beginning to figure out how much of that “fun stuff” they can do and still function well in school, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for their parents to set limits for them. I speak as someone much closer to the teen end of the spectrum than the parent end, but I was one of those kids who was allowed to, and did, stay up to ridiculous hours if I so chose. While I doubt any of my high school classes suffered, it is possible. HOWEVER. I am extremely pleased that I learned my lesson about staying up late in high school, and not in university where my marks actually matter. I’m a big fan of having been able to learn my lessons when I needed to, not when my parents decided I was old enough. ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/49 "2004-04-10T05:50:41Z")
ivy you’re not old fashioned - you’re STUPID. your kids should each have a cell-phone, and be allowed to use it any time as long as they dont exceed their minutes. when they go to sleep, or study, they can turn their cell phones off if they so desire. ---
**Author:** ![Dog80](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6bbea6/32.png) [@Dog80](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dog80)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/50 "2004-04-10T08:29:12Z")
> [@Stuffy](#): > > Another Doper parent checking in. We also have a set a curfew for calls, although it varies by child with the 8 y/o curfew being 7:30, 11 @ 8:30 and the 9 for the 13 y/o. I have told the oldest that his will be extended until 10 when he reaches highschool. I agree that telephone calls are unacceptable beyond a certain time, but setting such strict rules is total bullshit. You can simply tell your kids that it is rude and annoying to call somebody at late hours and let them use their own fucking brain to determine whether it is appropriate to call. > [@Stuffy](#): > > He asked when his calls would be extended till 11, I told him when he moves. This sounds more like a threat, or like you actually want your kid to leave the house as soon as possible, especially when such rules are not explained and justified. No wonder why some kids really go out of control when they leave their house for the first time. ---
**Author:** ![Cerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3bc359/32.png) [@Cerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerri)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/51 "2004-04-10T10:06:21Z")
> [@vasyachkin](#): > > ivy you’re not old fashioned - you’re STUPID. > > your kids should each have a cell-phone, and be allowed to use it any time as long as they dont exceed their minutes. > > when they go to sleep, or study, they can turn their cell phones off if they so desire. This might, I realize, be a hard concept for you to understand, but not everyone has money to spend for cell phones for each of their kids, who don’t really _need_ one anyways. It is very handy to be able to provide your kids with such a thing for emergencies, true, but for alot of people cell phones for every member of the house is still a luxury. I’m sure many people right here on this board can tell you how we managed to survive our childhoods and adolescences without even the _existence_ of cell phones! :eek: The horror… ---
**Author:** ![Carnick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carnick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnick)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/52 "2004-04-10T10:20:49Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > My Ivykids are almost-12 and almost-15. Call me old-fashioned, but we’ve set a cut-off time of 9pm for them to call friends or receive calls. Evening is family-homework-chore time, and they’ve had all day at school to chat with their friends. > > So the kidlets are in bed, and I’m reading in bed before I go to sleep when I hear a muffled _ring ring_. > > I look at the clock. > > It’s 10:55pm. > > Now, Ivylad’s father has recently died, so we no longer have that phone call to dread. Who the hell could be calling? Is someone hurt? Did someone have an accident? > > I scramble out of bed and rush to through the living room to answer the phone sitting on top of the computer desk, nearly stubbing my toe on the ironing board. > > “Hello?” I ask anxiously. > > “Is (Ivygirl) there?” > > So, this is some eleven year old girl calling my daughter at nearly _11 o’clock_ at night?? > > “Do you know what time it is?” I ask sternly. She mumbles an apology and hangs up. > > I have no idea who it was. 9:05pm I could handle. I would have told her politely that Ivygirl does not take phone calls after 9pm. But 11pm? I find it hard to believe that someone who uses the word “kidlets” could ever be stern to anyone. If I were that kid I would have just laughed and cussed at you. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/53 "2004-04-10T14:00:11Z")
Did I miss a memo that stated that manners and basic politeness were tobe reserved only for similar-age interactions? I can’t see a single reason why it was considered acceptable or necessary to bark and lecture at this child on the other end of the phone. A child’s age is not a legitimate reason to disregard their feelings or to hold a different standard of common courtesy in basic dealings with them. Even if Ivychild’s friend was calling very late for a truly frivolous reason, all that was necessary to be said was “We don’t allow phone calls after 9 p.m. Please talk to Ivychild at school tomorrow, and remember not to call her again this late, okay?” Treating a child rudely sends two really awful messages. First, it teaches them that it’s okay to be rude. Second, it tells them that adults don’t give a damn. Neither are lessons that an eleven year old needs or deserves to receive for the extraordinarily minor infraction of making a phone call that they didn’t know was coming too late in the evening to be acceptable to a third party whose interests probably weren’t even within their original considerations. ---
**Author:** ![ForumBot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/54 "2004-04-10T16:57:43Z")
To all of you saying “ask what the emergency is”, fuck you. If this person on the other line is depressed and wants to talk to your child, it’s none of your fucking business what’s wrong. You are not this child’s friend–why should s/he trust you? If they say it’s an emergency, give the phone to the kid. This is “cheer up my friend”, not “be interrogated by my overbearnig mother” I suggest you get all of the kids one line. If there are multiple children, all the better. When one child decides s/he doesn’t like getting phone calls at 11 pm, they can take it up with the kid getting all the late-night phone calls. You won’t hear a single ring. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/55 "2004-04-10T17:03:50Z")
> [@Dog80](#): > > I agree that telephone calls are unacceptable beyond a certain time, but setting such strict rules is total bullshit. Many kids _need_ strict boundries. The whole “I’ll let you use your own judgment and decide whether or not this is proper” is a mentality reserved for those children who can handle it. Many can’t. I believe the decision is something each individual parent should make, not some yahoo on a message board who knows nothing about the kid or the family dynamic. > [@](#): > > You can simply tell your kids that it is rude and annoying to call somebody at late hours and let them use their own fucking brain to determine whether it is appropriate to call. Are you a teenager? Sounds like it. See above comments, Dr. Phil. “Late Hours” for one house may not be the same as for another. Hence the need to set specific rules for your own house, according to your own family dynamic and make sure your kids’ friends know about these rules. Who should make the choice about when they get disturbed by phone calls from their kids’ friends? The parents who actually _live_ there, or the friends? > [@](#): > > This sounds more like a threat, or like you actually want your kid to leave the house as soon as possible, especially when such rules are not explained and justified. You’ve _got_ to be fucking kidding me with this shit. That was about as far from a threat as a slightly menancing looking easter bunny handing out chocolate eggs. I laughed when I read it, it was a _joke_. Not wanting to be awoken by kids’ friends calling is fucking reason enough to set a cut off time for phone calls. No other justification or explanation needed. Who’s in charge, anyway? The kid or the parent? Who needs to “explain themselves” to who? Kid don’t like it? They can go out and buy their own damn cell phone and get calls whenever they feel like it. > [@](#): > > No wonder why some kids really go out of control when they leave their house for the first time. No wonder why some “kids” are still 30 and living in their parent’s basements, what, always having been able to do whatever the fuck they want, whenever they want. Why would they ever want to leave home? They pretty much rule the roost already. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![The\_world\_s\_most\_deadliest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@The\_world\_s\_most\_deadliest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_world_s_most_deadliest)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/56 "2004-04-10T17:10:37Z")
I gotta say, I lived under the 9:00PM cutoff rule for 18 years and it never hurt me one bit. Pissed me off, yes, but I can completely understand where my parents were coming from. Its their house, they pay for the phone service, case closed. And cell phones are NOT a necessity for anyone under 16. Really. After 16, its useful for safety purposes if they are out driving & that’s about it. > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by Stuffy: > He asked when his calls would be extended till 11, I told him when he moves. > [@](#): > > This sounds more like a threat, or like you actually want your kid to leave the house as soon as possible, especially when such rules are not explained and justified. What’s to justify? The parents own the phone and the house. They determine the appropriate time period in which they accept incoming calls. It is something that belongs to them and the child’s use of the phone is completely up to their discretion. If the child doesn’t like it, then he/she has every right to accept calls until the wee hours when they have their own residence. And since when have parents supposed to make things so accomidating for their children that they DON’T want to move out and start their own life? I’ve known so many kids that grew up under the “anything goes” parenting style that were still living in their parents’ homes until their mid-twenties. They ended up expecting all the rights without the responsibilities. Kids - Mummy and Daddy love you, but they would also love you to leave when you’re an adult so they can get back to their lives. I know this might come as a shock. Tell your therapist all about it. /too old fashioned for a 27 year old ex-punk ---
**Author:** ![The\_world\_s\_most\_deadliest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@The\_world\_s\_most\_deadliest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_world_s_most_deadliest)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/57 "2004-04-10T17:12:08Z")
**Lezlers** , get out of my head! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/58 "2004-04-10T17:23:21Z")
> [@theR](#): > > How hard is it to simply ask, “Is it an emergency?” and, if it is not, to reply “Sorry, but we don’t allow her to accept calls after Xpm.” It’s not like it happened for two weeks straight or something. It’s not ok for the caller to be rude, but it’s ok for you to be rude? It is 11PM. You are automatically in the wrong and the rude person by calling. If there are mitigitating circumstances, I expect you will announce them immediately as in the following exchange: _Ring_ **ME** : Hello? **Other Person:** : I’m sorry for calling so late, but it’s an emergency. Blah blah blah. Were it me making the call, that is how I would behave. Simply asking “Hi! Can I talk to X” is going to get you a “No. Click.” Again, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect that behavior from others. But somehow, expecting other people to act with courtesy towards me makes me the asshole? Funny old world, I can’t seem to win. > [@Equipoise](#): > > The overriding message I got when I was a kid (other than, life sucks and I want to die) is that Adults Don’t Care. Oh no, see we actively **do** care - it’s our mission in life to make sure you are as miserable and unhappy as possible. : :rolleyes: > [@TeaElle](#): > > it tells them that adults don’t give a damn. Did all the rest of my interactions with these kids suddenly disappear somewhere? I’m telling kids I Don’t Care[sup]TM[/sup] by meeting their discourtesy with a similarly-discourteous response? News Flash!! You are not going to be treated delicately every time you do something stupid in your life. Witness peoples responses to telemarketers, or inconsiderate drivers, or rude customers & servers. If you engage in rude behavior (and calling people late at night definitely qualifies) you’re going to be met with curt-to-rude responses. ---
**Author:** ![Infectious\_Lass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e56c9b/32.png) [@Infectious\_Lass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infectious_Lass)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/59 "2004-04-10T17:55:35Z")
And yet again Lezlers comes out with the ‘if you live at home after the age of 12 you’re EEEEEEVIL’ shit :rolleyes: If that kids living at home when they’re 30 remark was a crack at me, I’ll have you know that a. we don’t live in basements in England you daft bitch and b. my parents _wanted_ me to live at home. Because they _Gasp_ loved me and knew that I wouldn’t be able to survive on my own because of my mental problems. So fuck you, you self righteous human anus. Not all adults who live with their parents are evil spoiled brats. Some adults who don’t are the fucking real brats, that’s all I have to fucking say. -Jackie, 31 and still living with her dad, and he needs me to look after him and I suppose I’m not a worthy human being unless I leave him to rot in a home and sit proudly and grandly in my own personal egg box and masturbate over how fucking independent and grown up I am. Fuck that. (and I can’t afford a place of my own any sodding way! Do I still have your permisson to exist without cringing in mortal shame, Miss Independent Arrogant Bitch who is So Much More Worthy Than Me)? _ **this has been my final post on the sdmb, thankyou and goodbye, not having a credit card sucks and thank god for ignore lists, ta ta and au revoir and sayonara** _ ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/60 "2004-04-10T18:07:02Z")
> [@The world's most deadliest...](#): > > **Lezlers** , get out of my head! 😉 Whew! I thought _this_ 26 year old X punk was gonna have to rename herself Gertrude or somethin’! Glad to know I’m not the only young person w/o kids who thinks this whole “let your kid use their own judgment and basically do whatever the fuck they want” parenting style is a disaster waiting to happen… 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166.md?page=4)