# Who the hell lets their children call that late at night? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 9, 2004, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166 "2004-04-09T12:44:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/101 "2004-04-12T16:07:28Z")
> [@Beelzebubba](#): > > I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you how much I despise this mentality. Why should I be expected to give credence to every far-fetched remotely possible excuse for poor behavior? Maybe she was just an airhead with poor manners calling at a late hour to gab about nothing, maybe not. Frankly, I don’t think it’s too much to expect polite behavior from everyone (including not calling at 11PM), nor do I think its unreasonable to be miffed when that expectation is not met. Call me overzealously cautious, but I’m always going to ask first why the person is calling, regardless his/her age before entering in “rant mode”. It doesn’t seem that unreasonnable to do so, just in case. ---
**Author:** ![chula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a4c791/32.png) [@chula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chula)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/102 "2004-04-12T16:18:48Z")
> [@SpazCat](#): > > The implied statement could also be “You know the rules we have about late night calls. Next time check the clock before you call.” Obviously, she didn’t know the rules about “late night” calls. A lot of people seem to think 9 p.m. is some universal cut-off time, but it’s not. Shit, if I called someone at, say, 9:30 and they answered with, “Do you know what time it is?” I would probably just respond “9:30” and wonder why the hell they had just asked me that. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/103 "2004-04-12T16:23:22Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > Comon’. What kind of emergency does an 11 year old have? Her parents missing (real example) and probably plenty of others could be thought of. ---
**Author:** ![Dog80](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6bbea6/32.png) [@Dog80](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dog80)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/104 "2004-04-12T16:27:52Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > Many kids _need_ strict boundries. The whole “I’ll let you use your own judgment and decide whether or not this is proper” is a mentality reserved for those children who can handle it. Many can’t. I believe the decision is something each individual parent should make, not some yahoo on a message board who knows nothing about the kid or the family dynamic. > > Are you a teenager? Sounds like it. See above comments, Dr. Phil. “Late Hours” for one house may not be the same as for another. Hence the need to set specific rules for your own house, according to your own family dynamic and make sure your kids’ friends know about these rules. Who should make the choice about when they get disturbed by phone calls from their kids’ friends? The parents who actually _live_ there, or the friends? > > You’ve _got_ to be fucking kidding me with this shit. That was about as far from a threat as a slightly menancing looking easter bunny handing out chocolate eggs. I laughed when I read it, it was a _joke_. Not wanting to be awoken by kids’ friends calling is fucking reason enough to set a cut off time for phone calls. No other justification or explanation needed. Who’s in charge, anyway? The kid or the parent? Who needs to “explain themselves” to who? > > Kid don’t like it? They can go out and buy their own damn cell phone and get calls whenever they feel like it. > No wonder why some “kids” are still 30 and living in their parent’s basements, what, always having been able to do whatever the fuck they want, whenever they want. Why would they ever want to leave home? They pretty much rule the roost already. :rolleyes: You totaly misunderstood my post. I didn’t say “no rules at all”. Let me rephrase: Do you want your kids to think like that “It’s 10:00, I shouldn’t make a phonecall because its rude”, or like that “It’s 10:00, I can’t make a phonecall because of the rules, but when I move out of the house there’s nothing to stop me” Next time use that remaining brain cell before answering :mad: ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/105 "2004-04-12T16:51:53Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I’m sure I speak for everyone when I tell you how broken up we are about that. > > -Miller, 28, lives at home, knows it’s lame, doesn’t care. You’re most certainly not speaking from me, so you could forget to add this sentence next time. I for one, regret that some people are leaving as a result of the registration policy. Even people I don’t particularily like or agree with. Real jerks were usually banished, anyway. Yes, OK, this part is off-topic. But my point still hold. Don’t assume you’re speaking for anybody else, let alone for everybody. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/106 "2004-04-12T16:57:03Z")
> [@Ilsa\_Lund](#): > > To illustrate this, assume the caller wanted your SO, someone from the office maybe. You sure as hell wouldn’t say “Do you realize how late it is?” and hang up. No. You’d probably wake them up and give them the phone. The feeling that kids don’t merit the same respect, or deserve the same level of consideration as the growedups is troubling. If Ivylass had heard an adult voice, she probably wouldn’t have reacted the way she did. At the risk of getting flamed: well, no. They don’t. They’re _kids_. I’m so sick of this “treat little kids like you do adults” line of thinking. They’re _not_ adults. They’re _children_. They don’t have the experience, responsibility and world view of adults. They don’t pay bills, hold down a job or live an independent life. I am under no obligation to treat them as I would a collegue or a fellow adult. Being a child is great, you’ve got minimal responsibility, with mom and dad in charge of providing food, shelter, and other necessities. In exchange for having your basic needs met, you’re expected to (hopefully) respect your elders. Elders do not need to earn that respect. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all kids need to respect all adults now matter how shitty of a person an adult may be. Respect _can_ be lost. However, it does not need to be _earned_. Consider it your payment for getting to enjoy childhood without having to worry about feeding and clothing yourself. Each day that goes by, children are accumulating more life experience. Most things they do are novel, and they learn the propriety of whatever they’re doing from the reactions of those they’re directing their actions towards, a la **Miller** ’s post. If they’re doing something rude, they need to realize that it’s rude. Since everything they do is novel pretty much, the reaction is important. If there’s a way to internalize it “wow **Ivylass** got mad when I called that late, I don’t like it when she’s mad at me, I shouldn’t do that again” it’s more likely the child is going to remember the lesson. Also, not every rude thing Jr. does is going to recieve the Mr. Rogers approach **TeaElle** suggested. The world isn’t like that. So Jr. might as well get used to less of a Romper Room reaction to his social fau paux. I’m sure **Ivylass** would’ve reacted differently had she heard an adult voice on the line. Because then there’s an indication it would’ve been something important. If the call was for **Ivylad** , from a co-worker as you suggested, there’s a possibility it would’ve been important and would’ve somehow impacted **Ivylad** ’s livlihood, and thus that of his family. Be realistic though. How many honest to god _emergencies_ do 11 year olds have? Comparing a late night call for an adult from their coworker to that of an 11 year old from their friend is ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/107 "2004-04-12T16:58:55Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Her parents missing (real example) and probably plenty of others could be thought of. Riiight. And that’s why she called up a fellow 11 year old and asked to speak to her in a “perky voice”. I repeat, _comon’_… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/108 "2004-04-12T17:02:20Z")
> [@Dog80](#): > > You totaly misunderstood my post. > > I didn’t say “no rules at all”. > > Let me rephrase: > Do you want your kids to think like that “It’s 10:00, I shouldn’t make a phonecall because its rude”, > > or like that “It’s 10:00, I can’t make a phonecall because of the rules, but when I move out of the house there’s nothing to stop me” > > Next time use that remaining brain cell before answering :mad: Ah yes, I’m sure **Ivylass** has never once mentioned that the rule is in place because it’s rude to call after a certain time. Perhaps it’s _you_ who should be using that remaining brain cell before answering, hmm? ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/109 "2004-04-12T17:11:08Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > I am under no obligation to treat them as I would a collegue or a fellow adult. Being a child is great, you’ve got minimal responsibility, with mom and dad in charge of providing food, shelter, and other necessities. In exchange for having your basic needs met, you’re expected to (hopefully) respect your elders. Elders do not need to earn that respect. The fuck they don’t. You don’t automatically command my respect because you are ten years older than me. You may command my courtesy, but I had better be treated with a modicum of decency in return. You should be under an obligation to treat them as fellow people. You are under an obligation to treat them as someone who _will_ be a colleague and a fellow adult. How do you know that thirteeb or fourteen year old doesn’t have a job? Hell, I graduate from college in three weeks, and I’m sixteen. If you want my respect, you had better give me the consideration you would a twenty two year old. I hate to sound like I feel entitled to anything, but automatically dismissing children as being dumb kids is profoundly disrespectful in my view. ---
**Author:** ![Dog80](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6bbea6/32.png) [@Dog80](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dog80)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/110 "2004-04-12T17:18:30Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > Ah yes, I’m sure **Ivylass** has never once mentioned that the rule is in place because it’s rude to call after a certain time. My original post was NOT refering to **Ivylass**. > [@lezlers](#): > > Perhaps it’s _you_ who should be using that remaining brain cell before answering, hmm? Yeah, dream on 😛 ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/111 "2004-04-12T17:19:02Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > Riiight. And that’s why she called up a fellow 11 year old and asked to speak to her in a “perky voice”. > > I repeat, _comon’_… > > :rolleyes: Concerning the “perky voice”, probably not. But as for calling another 11 yo (though in my example, she was actualy calling an adult), no, it wouldn’t surprise me a little bit. It’s not like kids are expected to react in the most sensible ways in unusua ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/112 "2004-04-12T17:21:53Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > Riiight. And that’s why she called up a fellow 11 year old and asked to speak to her in a “perky voice”. > > I repeat, _comon’_… > > :rolleyes: Concerning the “perky voice”, probably not. But as for calling another 11 yo (though in my example she was actually calling an adult), it wouldn’t surprise me the slightest bit. It’s not like kids are expected to always react in the most sensible way in unusal circumstances. Well…actually, adults don’t, either. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/113 "2004-04-12T17:28:08Z")
Besides, and this is related to my own personnality, I’m easily worried. So, if I had the slighest doubt after having hanged up, I would feel bad, because I would wonder whether or not it could have been something important or serious. Shit happens. And though on the overall, being overzealously cautious is a pain, sometimes it can (and actually did in my experience) prove extremely useful. I’d rather be worried for nothing than live forever with regrets because I ignored an emergency. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/114 "2004-04-12T17:57:07Z")
I do not have time to read this entire thread (I should be working instead of surfing the SDMB anyway), but I wanted to add this: I was not allowed to take calls after 10 p.m. (might have been 9), and generally, even as a teenager, didn’t really want to talk to anyone that late at night. Of course, I had to get up at 4:30 a.m. to go to Seminary (Mormon parents) so I had a self-imposed early bedtime. I saw a few responses early in this thread, about “how do you know it wasn’t an emergency?” If it had been, the caller would not have apologized and hung up. She must be one of those kids whose parents refuse to put any limits on at all. If it was an emergency, I’m confident the OP would have known. That Parental Kid-In-Danger Radar would have kicked in. IMHO. Although my parents didn’t really have to go to much effort to enforce this rule, they were flexible enough to make an exception. Once, a friend of mine who lived up the street, had a terrible fight with her mother. She was very upset, crying and suicidal. Rather than hurt herself, she showed up at my door at 11p.m. on a school night. My parents could see how upset she was and let her go up to my room to cry on my shoulder. I think I walked her home after a while (it was only a couple doors down) but my parents never said a word about it. Of course, they expressed their concern and offered to help my friend and I told them she had bigger problems than any of us could address and they had done the best thing anyone could have: allowed me to simply listen and be supportive, regardless of the hour. That was a one-time thing and although I don’t believe I actually saved my friend’s life, I know she went home feeling a lot better, so breaking the rule once, for a real friend-in-need emergency (and, mind you this was a Teenager Emergency, not a Real Emergency where someone was bleeding out they eyeballs and needed an ambulance or something) was just not a big deal. My $0.02. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/115 "2004-04-12T18:27:15Z")
> [@Ilsa\_Lund](#): > > The fuck they don’t. You don’t automatically command my respect because you are ten years older than me. You may command my courtesy, but I had better be treated with a modicum of decency in return. > > You should be under an obligation to treat them as fellow people. You are under an obligation to treat them as someone who _will_ be a colleague and a fellow adult. How do you know that thirteeb or fourteen year old doesn’t have a job? Hell, I graduate from college in three weeks, and I’m sixteen. If you want my respect, you had better give me the consideration you would a twenty two year old. I hate to sound like I feel entitled to anything, but automatically dismissing children as being dumb kids is profoundly disrespectful in my view. Oh, for gods sake. Why don’t you try responding to what I _said_ instead of implying things I in no way advocated? I never said “treat all kids like crap until they reach the age of 18, and they’d better respect you in return.” Frankly, I’m insulted at the implication. In fact, I specifically said respect could be lost, just to make it crystal clear that was _not_ what I was advocating. For starters, I was referring to an 11 year old interacting with the _parent_ of one of their friends. Not a 16 year old college graduate interacting with a 26 year old fellow college graduate. Congratulations by the way, that’s quite an achievement. I think it’s safe to assume an 11 year old doesn’t have a job. Even IF they had a job, how does that equate to “now I can be treated like an adult?” Working at the DQ for some extra spending money does not an adult make. I was working at 14 and if I had copped attitude with an adult because they didn’t respect me as an equal because I was slinging cookies at the Cookie Stop my mother would’ve smacked me upside the head. Rightfully so. I don’t care if she’s a future janitor, or the future President of the United States. She’s an _11 year old_. An 11 year old is not my equal. Period. I’m not going to go out of my way to treat an 11 year old as if they’re my equal. _That_ was what my post said. Nothing more. > [@clairobscur](#): > > Concerning the “perky voice”, probably not. But as for calling another 11 yo (though in my example she was actually calling an adult), it wouldn’t surprise me the slightest bit. It’s not like kids are expected to always react in the most sensible way in unusal circumstances. Well…actually, adults don’t, either. What the fuck is up with people giving completely off-point comparisons? Are you all that desperate to have the opposite point of view? My all means, counter-view your hearts out, but at least give a comparable hypo! If a child is calling an adult, it’s obviously an entirely different situation than a child calling another child. Gah! ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/116 "2004-04-12T18:48:33Z")
When I was in high school, I was allowed to talk on the phone between 7pm and 8pm PERIOD. Not before, and not after. That was my hour-long window. Not when you could call–but when I could talk. If you called at 7:55, we’d have 5 minutes to talk before I had to go. This included weekends and vacations. It had nothing to do with when my mom went to bed, either. It was an arbitrary rule set up because my mom felt that I needed to be punished. She always kept in in a perpetual state of being at least somewhat punished the entire time I lived with her. As for me, I don’t care when people call the house. Dominic can’t talk on the phone after 9pm, because that is his bedtime. If it’s 3am I may be awake and talk to you or I may say “I’m asleep, can I call you back tomorrow?” or I may say “I was asleep but I can always go back to sleep later, what’s up?” I usually fall back asleep pretty easily so it isn’t a big deal. I wouldn’t call someone else’s house after 9 though. Heck, probably not even after 8:30 or so unless it was someone I knew well. ---
**Author:** ![LolaBaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@LolaBaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaBaby)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/117 "2004-04-12T19:08:33Z")
> [@Dog80](#): > > “It’s 10:00, I can’t make a phonecall because of the rules, but when I move out of the house there’s nothing to stop me” Do you honestly think someone old enough (and mature enough) to move out is going to have this attitude? Well ok, some might. Like the dude with the funny name. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/118 "2004-04-12T19:30:56Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > I saw a few responses early in this thread, about “how do you know it wasn’t an emergency?” If it had been, the caller would not have apologized and hung up. Indeed. A kid with excellent manners would have started with, "Hello, Ms. Ivylass. This is Ivyfriend. I’m sorry to be calling so late, but . . . " In an emergency, even an adult might not think of that, but you would expect them to respond to Ivylass’s challenge with, “Yes, I know it’s late, and I’m sorry to disturb you, but [insert Very Good Reason here].” As a kid, I, for one, learned many a good and lasting lesson about politeness by being on the recieving end of a sharp rebuke from an adult, and somehow it did not crush my Young Spirit or shatter my Faith in Humanity. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/119 "2004-04-12T19:42:35Z")
When I was 11 I had serious phone anxiety. Talking to someone’s parents on the phone would have really intimidated me, and I probably would have stammered out a “is so and so there” reasonably well, but not much else. Hanging up would have been my choice, too. Odd, really, since in face to face conversations you couldn’t shut me up… but talking to strangers on the phone was something I had issues with until I was well into my 20s. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166/120 "2004-04-12T20:00:10Z")
Funny, I’m just the opposite. I’m great on the phone: confident, quick, smart. But get me face to face with someone and I’m a blathering fool. Not good in my line of work, where schmoozing is muy importante. I think it’s because I’m so self conscious about my age. I’m pretty young and am more often than not, the youngest person in the room at business events. Can be pretty intimidating. It’s a bit harder to tell someones age over the phone. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-lets-their-children-call-that-late-at-night/239166.md?page=7)