# Who the hell uses their baby as a weapon?? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 11, 2006, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023 "2006-10-11T03:34:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/61 "2006-10-12T09:48:59Z")
[QUOTE=El Cid Viscoso] Yeh, it’s two aisles down from the Lemonjello. [/QUOTE] Funny, I had to go to the clinic when I had a case of it. So, would the baby be considered an assault weapon? If so, may be we _should_ reinstate the ban on them. (I’ll just strap myself to the roof, if that’s all right with everyone else.) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/62 "2006-10-12T11:50:40Z")
[QUOTE=Mellivora capensis] Hey **Mal** , calm down, will ya? No need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Uh oh… [/QUOTE] Ahh, whyncha go stick your head in a bees’ nest? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/63 "2006-10-12T12:56:23Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] **Eve** apparently indulging her fantasy of being the secret love-child of Dorothy Parker and Oscar Wilde [/QUOTE] Well, _that_ would be hugely unlikely. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/64 "2006-10-12T13:27:50Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] **Eve** apparently indulging her fantasy of being the secret love-child of Dorothy Parker and Oscar Wilde, or [/QUOTE] Isn’t the love child James Thurber? 😃 (anyone who comes in here and splains to me that Thurber and Parker were colleagues, gets a baby-straight to the throat). ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/65 "2006-10-12T13:31:24Z")
[QUOTE=Eve] Well, _that_ would be hugely unlikely. [/QUOTE] Would you buy Dorothy and Vyvyan? ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/66 "2006-10-12T13:46:05Z")
[QUOTE=Wile E] Man this bus is getting crowded. [/QUOTE] Well, that’s not too surprising, seeings how short it is. _:: d&r ::_ ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/67 "2006-10-12T14:23:39Z")
After all the laughing I’ve done reading this thread I’ll probably get picked to drive the bus. 😃 On a more somber note, they ought to sterilize both of these morons. Clearly neither one deserves children. ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/68 "2006-10-12T14:31:12Z")
[QUOTE=LavenderBlue] After all the laughing I’ve done reading this thread I’ll probably get picked to drive the bus. [/QUOTE] I chartered it, so I’m driving! Someone crank up the AC/DC! Yeehaw! ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/69 "2006-10-12T15:01:31Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan] Funny, I had to go to the clinic when I had a case of it. So, would the baby be considered an assault weapon? If so, may be we _should_ reinstate the ban on them. (I’ll just strap myself to the roof, if that’s all right with everyone else.) [/QUOTE] Babies are bioweapons. Anybody who’s ever been in the same room with one with a loaded diaper knows that! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/70 "2006-10-12T15:13:07Z")
[QUOTE=Eve] Well, _that_ would be hugely unlikely. [/QUOTE] Unlikely is the very name of fantasy, **Eve**. ---
**Author:** ![Schroedinger\_s\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Schroedinger\_s\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schroedinger_s_Dog)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/71 "2006-10-12T19:06:10Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Very good, Wile E! You get to go to the FRONT of the bus. [/QUOTE] I have nothing funny to contribute, so I will be taking a seat at the back of the bus. Because I am laughing at some of these to the point that I’m glad there are no coworkers around. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/72 "2006-10-12T20:41:08Z")
The baby’s birthday was September 11? Well, I guess it was bound to be hurled into something sooner or later. [sub]Where’s my seat?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2006, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/73 "2006-10-12T20:47:50Z")
[QUOTE=mobo85] The baby’s birthday was September 11? Well, I guess it was bound to be hurled into something sooner or later. [/QUOTE] I think you just somehow made it all Osama’s fault. Outstanding. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2006, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/74 "2006-10-13T02:25:44Z")
[QUOTE=black rabbit] Indeed. You can’t get up any momentum like you can with a toddler, and you can’t really throw them rapid-fire like you can with newborns. [/QUOTE] It was a newborn.. 4 WEEKS not months. Most mammals don’t eat their young… 'cept people. :rolleyes: > [@LavenderBlue](#): > > On a more somber note, they ought to sterilize both of these morons. Clearly neither one deserves children. I’m guessing they didn’t produce it on purpose. ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2006, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/75 "2006-10-13T03:07:04Z")
[QUOTE=picunurse] I’m guessing they didn’t produce it on purpose. [/QUOTE] Most likely the ‘deed’ and the resulting baby have, at most, a vague connection in their little peanut brains. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2006, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/76 "2006-10-13T08:44:09Z")
[QUOTE=Lightray] I think you just somehow made it all Osama’s fault. Outstanding. [/QUOTE] Now we just need a way to blame it on Clinton and our mastery of the Jedi ways will be complete. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![athelas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@athelas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/athelas)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2006, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/77 "2006-10-13T12:45:18Z")
What’s the betting that it’s not actually his? ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2006, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/78 "2006-10-13T18:10:34Z")
[QUOTE=athelas] What’s the betting that it’s not actually his? [/QUOTE] The real father was Clinton, obviously. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2006, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/79 "2006-10-13T22:04:06Z")
[QUOTE=Bippy the Beardless] The real father was Clinton, obviously. [/QUOTE] She should have been more alert–obviously those navy blue polyester tampons were NOT a good deal, no matter how little she paid for them… So, is this a bus thing, or a Jedi thing? Because I like busses way more than Star Wars! ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2006, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023/80 "2006-10-13T22:45:05Z")
I hope there is still room on the bus, because I’ve been laughing my ass off at this. That poor baby, though. I wonder if it will have permanent brain damage - if it actually had a brain with that thing as a mother. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-the-hell-uses-their-baby-as-a-weapon/376023.md?page=5)