# Who wants to be the Dungeon Master? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 17, 2005, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657 "2005-06-17T05:09:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/261 "2005-06-24T12:31:00Z")
:: draws blades, heads off up the tunnel where the dragon went :: WHO’S WITH ME? …anybody? ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/262 "2005-06-24T12:54:56Z")
Whoa, thaks for the save! I am with you, Anaamika,since I have no Nitro-9, or an artifical matterial bat with which to defeat the Dal-er, snake with. Howwever, [it is one long way to there](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6294813&postcount=169), as I recall. First, let me just grab the wand and the wang, from the treasure pile. The wang will come in handy if I need to do a little word processing, or if we wind up in a penny arcade. ::Does so:: ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/263 "2005-06-24T13:15:25Z")
Following after the dragon down the rough-hewn corridor, up ahead you see daylight. The cave opens up onto a small ledge on an absolutely sheer cliff an unbelievable distance up the side of the Sleeping Mountain. Looking up, you note that is a roughly equivalent unbelievable distance up this sheer cliff to the top of the cliff. Far off in the distance you can see the ruins of Lake-town, smoking. Meh. You all shrug. Guess you’ll never get your five bucks from Henk. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/264 "2005-06-24T13:23:23Z")
My shrugging was not very smart of me, considering how close to the cliff I am. I windmill my arms in a comical fashion, to try and avoid falling over the edge. I succed, and head back inside. I type in the words “Verbose look”, before realizing this is not an Infocom game, but a D& D game. Then, I try and head back up the stairs. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/265 "2005-06-24T13:39:07Z")
Verbose paraphrase: Returning from the dragon’s exit, you enter a large cave. To the south is the physics lab. In that room there are some empty boxes and a partially-broken south wall from which garter snakes are pouring. Up the stairs to the west there is a smaller chamber. In the center of the chamber there is a metal sink. There is a now-cold wok with remnants of a tofu stir-fry. There is corridor to the south from that room which leads to the room you first appeared in. It has various other exits. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/266 "2005-06-24T13:41:27Z")
-more- The room you first appeared in, large, rectangular room. There are torches placed along the stone walls every 20 feet or so. There are exits to the north, east, and west and a large wooden door with metal bars and a large padlock to the south. There is a pile of rubble in one corner with the corpse of a thief. Meanwhile, you are back inthe dragon’s cave. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/267 "2005-06-24T13:45:26Z")
Down South Pick up box **WHICH BOX?** Oops Large Box **YOU NEED TO DROP SOMETHING** Drop leaves. **YOU NOW HAVE A BOX** Put the box in front of the hole in the south wall. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/268 "2005-06-24T13:59:58Z")
> [@capybara](#): > > There is a pile of rubble in one corner with the corpse of a thief. Oooo…perfect. Because… _A corpse is a corpse, of course, of course and a corpse cannot talk, of course, of course but I can still talk to a corpse, of course for I have Speak With Dead!_ :: casting :: ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/269 "2005-06-24T14:00:51Z")
You now have a box of snakes and one babelfish (you were supposed to drop the junk mail over the air vent, though). ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/270 "2005-06-24T14:02:38Z")
That done, let’s head north. It appeals to my inner Peary. I’ll recock the APB and load an N[sub]2[/sub]O round, on the off chance that the laws of chemistry round here aren’t in lockstep with the truly strange laws of physics. muttermutterantimattermuttercreativeuseofscrollmumblebloodyliberty. On the plus side, I guess I no longer need to worry about my bar tab in Lake-town. _brightens up_ ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/271 "2005-06-24T14:05:03Z")
Hal speaks with the dead. “Damn my head hurts. Who are you? Last thing I remember, some bastard pushed me down some steps and I cracked my skull open. Why am I filled with spear-holes? I hate you guys.” ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/272 "2005-06-24T14:06:37Z")
(Your’re all entering that first room FROM the north. It already appealed to you. Remember the sink?) ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/273 "2005-06-24T14:07:13Z")
> [@capybara](#): > > You now have a box of snakes. TAH! Snakes! I put down the box, and leave it over the hole, in hopes of keeping more (harmless) snakes from entering the room. I then put the leech-like fish in my ear, and go to the room Hal is in, stomping snakes as I go. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/274 "2005-06-24T14:32:02Z")
Ok, we are all in the first room that was described: refer to page one. You enter it from the north, from the room with the sink. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/275 "2005-06-24T14:47:24Z")
> [@capybara](#): > > Hal speaks with the dead. > “Damn my head hurts. Who are you? > Last thing I remember, some bastard pushed me down some steps and I cracked my skull open. Why am I filled with spear-holes? I hate you guys.” Ohhh, that’s right…I forgot about that guy. Silly me. Ah well. Guess I’ll just loot the body (In…err…the most holy and respectful way possible, of course). ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/276 "2005-06-24T14:54:09Z")
[::capybara’s dad’s dining room::](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6291649&postcount=139) I went to Feinstein Hall, where they were exhibting biology posters, and grabed some cookies. Here you go. I fot chocolate chip, and… Ew, cranberry and white chocolate! (I put them on paper plate in the middle of the table)[::capybara’s dad’s dining room::](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6291649&postcount=139) I converse with the party mebers for a few minutes to introduce myself to everyone, then, picking at random, I open the east door, without bothering to see what the others do. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/277 "2005-06-24T15:00:35Z")
(Hey, you buttholes, don’t get crumbs all over the place, or we’ll have to play downstairs in the rec room. It smells like ass down there, it’s all like mildew and stuff. Hey, stop playing with the Atari. Pitfall sucks, anyway. No no no! Jump onto the crocodile’s head! Jeez, retard! Turn it off and pay attention.) You open the east door, revealing a set of unlit, steep spiral stairs leading up. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/278 "2005-06-24T15:02:54Z")
Cool. Oh, and it’s time I slipped these sharkskins off, before I wear them out. Time to take out the portable polearm kit: three sections of 2’ haft, with bayonet fittings, and the slot-together blades. I’ll configure it as a Lucern glaive-voulge-guisarme-ranseur for now. That should cover all the bases. Just gimme a minute to knock all the locking-pins in good and tight… Okay, ready. Off I go, keeping **Scott** covered (read that how you like 😃 ). ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/279 "2005-06-24T15:06:23Z")
Unlit stairs? I take the Elven road flare of awesomeness from my backpack. (I don’t want to be eaten by a Grue.) I head up the stairs. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/280 "2005-06-24T15:12:54Z")
\*$£%& spiral stairs! I unship the butt-end of this polearm so it’s now only a 4’ haft… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657.md?page=15)