# Who wants to be the Dungeon Master? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 17, 2005, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657 "2005-06-17T05:09:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/161 "2005-06-23T21:32:38Z")
> [@capybara](#): > > Git yer ass in here, boy! (or girl)) Ummm… I am Scott, a boy. Hmmmm… [Or am I](http://www.egscomics.com/egsnp/d/20050618.html), in this game? Naw. Ok then. ::Semi-real world mode ON:: I brought-meat lover’s Pizza! ::Semi-real world mode OFF:: I appear out of nowhere, in a small puff of smoke. I am a Human warrior, moderate levels all around. I appear to have a shield, a claymore-type broadsword, and misc. pouches full of…stuff. "Where the hell am I now? The scroll was supost to take me where I was most needed. Seeing the chaos everywhere, I stretch my legs, trying to make sense of everything, and I wait. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/162 "2005-06-23T21:51:28Z")
After several minutes of waiting, I take a look around myself. Near me appears to be several bodies. I check them out, and they all are alive, just unconsis. I appear to be facing the north side of a white house. There is no door here, and all the windows are boarded up. To the north a narrow path winds through the trees. ::Wait, that doesn’t make sense, for a second there, I thought I was being flung through the air at great speeds, but before that I saw a room, with some people, and a dragon in it. The room showed no signs of blowing up. Have I been knocked out? Am I dreaming this all?:: Actually, I read **Malacandra** ’s post, and figured the room was blown up just as I arrived, but now I see that it didn’t. I am confused, and will wait for someone to do something. I still posted the Image of the house, since it was too cool to pass up a reference to Zork. Don’t worry, it’s just due to me hitting my head on some rock when I arrived in this room. I am actually asleep in the corner of the room. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/163 "2005-06-23T22:12:18Z")
“A duke!” the dragon continues, “Just think of that. I never thought of myself as a monarchist, but come to think of it. . . I have some definitely ducal qualities. Now, what am I duke of? Every human within fifty miles? Why, that must include little Lake-town, Esgaroth, those bastards. Let’s see Bard thinks now, now that I’m DUKE! With my shiny, sparkly ring! I’ll show those nasty. . .” The dragon rises, his huge hide shifting; you all fall from his haunches onto the stone dungron floor as he shambles around and shuffles away from you, up a long passage. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/164 "2005-06-23T22:15:56Z")
Damn…I have a cousin who lives in Esgaroth, and the mooch still owes me 15 gold. Ah well… Anyway, does the absence of any dragons in the room reveal any other passages? ---
**Author:** ![the4thmooncat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce7236/32.png) [@the4thmooncat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the4thmooncat)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/165 "2005-06-23T22:16:27Z")
**MoonCat** slides down the slide like… well, like a (were)cat down a greased slide. “Hey, um, shouldn’t we do something about that? I mean, it’s an evil dragon, and all…” ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/166 "2005-06-23T22:19:13Z")
Have you a plan on how to follow it? ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/167 "2005-06-23T22:19:24Z")
In addition to the chute you came down (and now that the dragon’s body is out of the way, you note a small lever set into the wall near that spot) in the south wall of the irregular cave there is a smallish wooden door. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/168 "2005-06-23T22:19:24Z")
> [@the dragon](#): > > Why, that must include little Lake-town, Esgaroth, those bastards. I wake up in time to hear the dragon say these words, but hnot in enough time to react. This does not sound good. I start running off in the direction I believe Esgaroth to be in. No time to ask the others! I stop after a minute or two, realizing my stupidity, and wait to see what everyone else is doing. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/169 "2005-06-23T22:20:38Z")
The direction of Esgaroth lies in approximately the same direction, down a long rough-hewn hall, as a giant, anti-gold dragon’s ass. You may want to reconsider. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/170 "2005-06-23T22:23:54Z")
Oh hell. Well, I wasn’t transported there, so, in an effort to be helpfull, sprinkle some powder on the door. Let’s see if it reacts. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/171 "2005-06-23T22:28:12Z")
You sprinkle some power on the door. The door says it feels like really really great, like a million bucks, and that it’s totally ready to party all night. But really, what kind of powder? ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/172 "2005-06-23T22:31:03Z")
Um, I have never thought to speak to a door before. I am glad it feel great, and I say so. Was that my test for spells powder, or my detec magic powder. I can’t remember. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/173 "2005-06-23T22:33:45Z")
It was your Magic Nose Candy Powder. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/174 "2005-06-23T22:34:36Z")
It’s the kind of powder I’m allergic to. Achoo! But don’t let that alarm you–I’m allergic to a lot of things. Probably why I always had to stay back and wash the dishes in Miscellaneous Fighter School, when everyone else went out adventuring. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/175 "2005-06-23T22:36:49Z")
Damn it. I was hoping to sell that when I got to town. Ok then, I ignore the leaver, and take a small notch from the door. No, wait, too hell with all this waiting, and testing. I ask the party members if they think we should push the leaver. Any spells to spare? ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/176 "2005-06-23T22:47:50Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Ah-hah! Guys, I’ve figured this place out. It seems that the blitheringly stupid course of action is the correct one! Aw, forget it. This is taking too long. I pull the lever. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/177 "2005-06-23T22:48:29Z")
Yeah, too bad about the income loss. Always color-code your baggies! (the lever is next to the chute, not the little door-- if clarification needed) ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/178 "2005-06-23T22:51:52Z")
Ah, you pull the lever, machinery churns, and now in place of the slippery chute, you once again have a set of stairs going up. Hal, if he was still hanging from the rope mid-way up, is hating life. Crunch. Oop! There goes Hal’s backpack! ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/179 "2005-06-23T23:01:18Z")
> [@capybara](#): > > Hal, if he was still hanging from the rope mid-way up, He is? I thought he was on the ground. How eldid he gmanipulate those things, with only one arm to hold on with? I type in “L”, then I backspace, and type in “verbose”, enter, and then I type “look”. Wait, wrong kinda’ game. Please pass the cheetos. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657/180 "2005-06-23T23:02:41Z")
DM says: whoops, my mom’s calling me for dinner. I gotta go for a while. No looking at the map, buttholes! Jeez! (Any one feel free to take over, exquisite corpse-style, if you get impatient) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-be-the-dungeon-master/308657.md?page=10)