# Who wants to write for Goofus and Gallant? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 16, 2005, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764 "2005-07-16T04:18:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/1 "2005-07-16T04:18:59Z")
You do? Really? That’s always been my dream too, ever since I thought about it about 10 minutes ago. My little girl has a subscription to Highlights magazine, courtesy of my parents, and we always read Goofus and Gallant first. Today, at dinner, we even role-played Goofus and Gallant. Goofus let forth with a mighty belch, and received a rather severe dressing down from Gallant. In fact, Gallant threatened to tell Goofus’ mother about the incident. Goofus retorted that his mother likely wouldn’t care, since she’s the sort of parent that would name her child “Goofus.” I’ve already written my first episode. In the first panel, Goofus is standing outside of the boys bathroom, high-fiving his friends. Underneath, the caption will read “Goofus never washes his hands after using the restroom.” In the second panel, Gallant will be lathering up his hands. Behind him, there is a toilet with stink lines raising from it. The caption will read “Gallant is concerned about fecal-borne illnesses, and always washes his hands.” Pretty good, no? ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/2 "2005-07-16T04:36:31Z")
I think Mike Judge beat you to this one, except he had two Goofuses (Goofi?) ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/3 "2005-07-16T04:40:31Z")
Goofus and Gallant was always my favorite. When I at the doctors or dentist I always grab Highlights from the stack of Newsweeks, Time, and Cosmos and check out Goofus and Gallant. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/4 "2005-07-16T04:45:58Z")
For the Unhighlighted Children, here are [Goofus and Gallant](http://www.highlightskids.com/guestarea/h3gStorySoup/GoofusandGallant/h1gng26.htm). ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/5 "2005-07-16T05:02:38Z")
Thanks **Eve**. I didn’t know there was such a thing as unHighlighted children. Gallant’s such a tool. Sure, Goofus is a jerk, but Gallant’s such a goody-goody that I think he likely turns most kids off of good manners. He sure did me! [scratches balls, sniffs fingers, proffers fingers to Dopers to take a whiff] ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/6 "2005-07-16T05:14:43Z")
What, no mention of “Gallant is Arroused, Goofus is Horny?” (Not that that would be appropriate for the _Highlights_ set). **Hyperelastic** , actually, there was one episode where Beavis was reading _Highlights_ at the dentist’s office and saying, “Goofus is cool.” ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/7 "2005-07-16T07:39:25Z")
“Goofus falls asleep. Gallant fetches her a warm, moist towel” ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/8 "2005-07-16T14:58:52Z")
Goofus spits. Gallant swallows. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/9 "2005-07-16T15:06:19Z")
When I was in grade school (this was ages ago, in the 1960s), the nun said, “Has anybody heard of Goofus?” I, always the smart one, put my hand up and mentioned the cartoon character in _Highlights_. Sister Mary Perpetual had never heard of this and gave me a puzzled look. No, she said, Goofus was a famous circus dog back in the day. She described the dog’s antics. ??? 😕 Now it was my turn to be puzzled. Did the name really originate with a circus dog? Has anyone else ever heard of this? ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/10 "2005-07-16T16:25:13Z")
Every time I see Goofus and Gallant, I think of that Beavis and Butt-head episode with Beavis sitting in the dentist’s office snickering, “heh-heh, Goofus is cool!” ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/11 "2005-07-16T17:10:53Z")
Back in the early 80’s, David Letterman had a recurring bit, “Fred and Frank,” that was a takeoff on “Goofus and Gallant.” ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/12 "2005-07-16T18:04:20Z")
> [@Siddhartha Vicious](#): > > I’ve already written my first episode. In the first panel, Goofus is standing outside of the boys bathroom, high-fiving his friends. Underneath, the caption will read “Goofus never washes his hands after using the restroom.” In the second panel, Gallant will be lathering up his hands. Behind him, there is a toilet with stink lines raising from it. The caption will read “Gallant is concerned about fecal-borne illnesses, and always washes his hands.” > > Pretty good, no? I would cut that out and frame it on my wall. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/13 "2005-07-16T21:14:47Z")
> [@Freddy the Pig](#): > > Every time I see Goofus and Gallant, I think of that Beavis and Butt-head episode with Beavis sitting in the dentist’s office snickering, “heh-heh, Goofus is cool!” Gallant politely says, “Perhaps you overlooked the reference **Guinastasia** made to this incident in her delightful post.” Goofus’s response, meanwhile, is peppered with vulgarity and name-calling that lead, in short order, to pitting, a train-wreck of a flame war, and eventual banning. **Johanna** : Track #13 on [this compilation of circus music](http://www.4cdmusic.com/Circus-Clown-Calliope-Circus-Clown-Calliope-Vol-1-2-P12511C50.aspx) is titled _Goofus_. Perhaps Sister Mary Perpetual was on to something… ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2005, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/14 "2005-07-17T05:48:47Z")
MAD did Goofus and Gallant a while back. IIRC Gallant understands that words can be hurtful and a tool against feminist empowerment. Goofus maintains that “Bodacious beef bazookas” was a _compliment_ fer cryin out loud. Gallant likes to eat al fresco on dates. The natural environment is not only beautiful but helps put his date at ease in comforting area. Goofus likes to eat outside too, in case he has to cut one. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2005, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/15 "2005-07-17T12:05:45Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Track #13 on [this compilation of circus music](http://www.4cdmusic.com/Circus-Clown-Calliope-Circus-Clown-Calliope-Vol-1-2-P12511C50.aspx) is titled _Goofus_. Perhaps Sister Mary Perpetual was on to something… Only one of the biggest hit songs of 1932. Here’s what it sounds like on the [banjo](http://www.jbott.com/goofus4.mp3). Hell, even [The Carpenters](http://songs.allofmp3.com/rq/Carpenters_sp/A_Kind_Of_Hush_sp/group_6115/album_9/mcatalog.shtml) covered it. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2005, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/16 "2005-07-17T20:53:34Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Gallant politely says, “Perhaps you overlooked the reference **Guinastasia** made to this incident in her delightful post.” Eh-heh-heh, that post was longer than one sentence. Reading sucks! ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/17 "2005-07-25T16:03:19Z")
> [@Thudlow Boink](#): > > Back in the early 80’s, David Letterman had a recurring bit, “Fred and Frank,” that was a takeoff on “Goofus and Gallant.” Ah yes, this is documented well in that classic literary work, “Late Night with David Letterman: The Book”. I like the one where Frank and Fred are houseguests. “Frank shows the children how to do scientific experiments” (picture of Frank and a kid with beaker and flask), “So does Fred” (picture of a guy napping on the couch as Fred and a kid put his hand in a pan of warm water). ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-to-write-for-goofus-and-gallant/312764/18 "2005-07-25T16:16:17Z")
Yes, you are exactly right, except that, if memory serves, you have Fred and Frank backwards. But I can’t find my copy of the book right now to verify that.