# Who was the worst pirate? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [September 23, 2010, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750 "2010-09-23T06:25:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/1 "2010-09-23T06:25:25Z")
I’ve started reading some comic book series about the infamous Edward “Blackbeard” Teach, which I thought obviously romanticized the figure of the pirate, showing him as a nice, honorable person. So I went to Wikipedia to read a bit about the actual horrors the historical Blackbeard was guilty of. … and found nothing. Apparently, Teach **was** a fairly decent guy. His fearsome persona was just theatrics, and, as a matter of fact, he barely allowed his crew to kill or torture. What. A. Pussy. Help me assuage my disappointment, GQ, tell me about the real evil bastards who prowled the sea leaving a trail of blood and guts. ---
**Author:** ![FuzzyOgre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@FuzzyOgre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FuzzyOgre)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/2 "2010-09-23T07:57:10Z")
You might have a skewed view of Caribbean piracy in the 16-18th centuries. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/3 "2010-09-23T11:17:33Z")
The “bloodthirsty marauder” is the romaticized image. ---
**Author:** ![blue\_infinity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_infinity/32/2817_2.png) [@blue\_infinity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blue_infinity)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/4 "2010-09-23T12:16:25Z")
How about [Edward](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Low) [Low](http://www.badassoftheweek.com/edwardlow.html). > [@](#): > > what really sets Edward Low apart from his pirate brethren was the fact that he really got his roger jolly by committing insane acts of brutality on those sailors unfortunate enough to find themselves in his custody. This guy was completely insane, and quickly became notorious and appropriately-feared by men across the Atlantic for his penchant for finding new and colorful ways to torture those captured sailors who were unwilling to voluntarily join his vicious, lawless crew of pirates. This guy would cut peoples’ ears and noses off, set fire to their hands and feet (Jom Gabbar style), burn them alive, decapitate them, throw them off the yardarm of his ship, and whip them relentlessly with pistols, cat o’ nine tails, rubber hoses, and/or large wet noodles. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/5 "2010-09-23T14:12:10Z")
Edward’s younger brother, “Gingerbumfluff”, was even more of a pussy. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/6 "2010-09-23T14:20:07Z")
In addition to Low, François l’Olonnais was on up there: “L’Olonnais himself was an expert torturer, and his techniques included slicing portions of flesh off the victim with a sword, burning them alive, or “woolding”, which involved tying knotted rope around the victim’s head until their eyes were forced out.” [François l’Olonnais](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fran%C3%A7ois_l'Olonnais) ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/7 "2010-09-25T08:37:11Z")
Dread Pirate Wesley. Oh, wait a minute, I thought you were asking for the most incompetent pirate… ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/8 "2010-09-25T10:16:43Z")
[Worst. Pirates. Ever.](http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103397421/) ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/9 "2010-09-25T10:38:55Z")
Bill Gates? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/10 "2010-09-25T11:26:48Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > [Worst. Pirates. Ever.](http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103397421/) The link doesn’t work, the resulting NPR story listing puts Amelia Earhart at the top. Is that what she did after the crash? ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/11 "2010-09-25T11:44:50Z")
> [@kidchameleon](#): > > > [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > > > [Worst. Pirates. Ever.](http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103397421/) > > The link doesn’t work, the resulting NPR story listing puts Amelia Earhart at the top. Is that what she did after the crash? Well, maybe. But it was supposed to be this: [http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103397421](http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103397421) ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/12 "2010-09-25T12:14:59Z")
> [@blue\_infinity](#): > > How about [Edward](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Low) [Low](http://www.badassoftheweek.com/edwardlow.html). > > > [@](#): > > > > … and whip them relentlessly with […] large wet noodles. Wait. What? ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/13 "2010-09-25T14:07:31Z")
Didn’t Blackbeard shoot his friend Israel Hands legs under the table crippling him as a drunken joke ? Though I suppose in context this could be taken as “High jinks in the mess”. ---
**Author:** ![bashere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@bashere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bashere)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/14 "2010-09-25T15:18:32Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > Didn’t Blackbeard shoot his friend Israel Hands legs under the table crippling him as a drunken joke ? > > Though I suppose in context this could be taken as “High jinks in the mess”. Yes, but he only did that so that Hand wouldn’t be on the ship when Blackbeard engaged with the Royal Navy to spill enough blood in the salt water to body switching spell work. I’ve got to stop getting my history from Tim Powers ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/15 "2010-09-25T18:22:41Z")
It’s my understanding [this pirate](http://img121.imageshack.us/img121/5210/piratezk.jpg) stole the most ever ---
**Author:** ![Oldeb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ea666f/32.png) [@Oldeb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oldeb)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/16 "2010-09-25T19:47:53Z")
If you judge worst based on the amount stolen then Bartholomew “Black Bart” Roberts is the winner. He’s several times past his closest competitors and he had an unusually long career too. His death is often seen as the end of the Age of Piracy. It’s his Articles that are typically listed as a generic “Pirate Code” and he’s the inspiration for a lot of fictional pirates, including the Dread Pirate Roberts. He wasn’t a blood thirsty monster either though. He prefered tea to rum and occasionally he’s mentioned to have not drank any alcohol at all, but that’s never been proven and the general concensus is that he probably drank beer and wine. He was popular with his crew and often gave gifts to captains who surrendered rather then fight. Interestingly, during the latter part of Roberts’ career there was a sailor named Hands with him. There’s some speculation that this was the Israel Hands shot by Teach. I’ve also seen some guesses that Teach never meant to shoot Hands in the first place, they were drunk and Teach was messing with the pistol causing it to go off. Rather then admit to an accident he claimed it was intentional. ---
**Author:** ![constanze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@constanze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/constanze)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/17 "2010-09-25T21:37:17Z")
I’m wonderng if Piracy didn’t attract the crazy and sadistic types in the first place, given how easy it was to get a letter from the government and become an official Privateer (basically a self-employed navy ship). On the other hand, that worked only during the years when a war between seagoing nations - England against France/ Spain - was going on; once a standstill or peace had been reached, not only were the navy officers let go, but also privateers were no longer official. So maybe pirates were simply people out for loot but starting in the wrong decade? If you want loot, and can think halfway strategically, it makes more sense to use as little violence as necessary. Unharmed captives can be released against ransom or sold on slave markets; and they will spread the word. If the crews know that surrendering means decent treatment, but fighting will mean death, they will be far more inclined to surrender (leaving the ship intact) than the crew of a ship facing a sadistic bastard like some of the mentioned above, where fight to the death seems the better alternative. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/18 "2010-09-26T07:39:57Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > In addition to Low, François l’Olonnais was on up there: > > “L’Olonnais himself was an expert torturer, and his techniques included slicing portions of flesh off the victim with a sword, burning them alive, or “woolding”, which involved tying knotted rope around the victim’s head until their eyes were forced out.” > > [François l’Olonnais](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fran%C3%A7ois_l'Olonnais) L’Olonnais was not a pirate but a buccanneer. Are we supposed to mix pirates and buccanneers in this thread , or should we treat them as history does, and as they deserve, that is separate categories? If it is buccanners and pirates in the same category, L’Olonnois is the most cruelest ever, ripping out the heart of one Spanish prisoner and eating it raw before the assembly of other captured Spaniards, just to make the point that you really detest Spaniards seems hard to top. If we keep them separate, I think Rackham was a pirate and since he invented “the plank” maybe he deserves the title. For some reason I think the buccanneers tended to be crueler than pirates, maybe because they still cared about nationalities and religious faiths. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/19 "2010-09-26T08:20:52Z")
[Chapter Two: ‘I Am Nailed To The Hull’.](http://snltranscripts.jt.org/78/78rcowperthwaite.phtml) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750/20 "2010-09-26T09:51:49Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > Didn’t Blackbeard shoot his friend Israel Hands legs under the table crippling him as a drunken joke ? > > Though I suppose in context this could be taken as “High jinks in the mess”. Hands shot first! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-was-the-worst-pirate/554750.md?page=2)