# Who would be in a live-action GI Joe movie? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 6, 2006, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569 "2006-06-06T02:28:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/1 "2006-06-06T02:28:11Z")
So, in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=374389) thread about movies that need sequels, someone mentioned that they should make a GI Joe live action movie… So who would you have cast as who in the movie? Sgt. Slaughter, if he is still around, I think would be perfect for the role of Sgt. Slaughter, but that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/2 "2006-06-06T02:39:36Z")
I had this idea back in 2001, when the G.I. Joe toys and comic books first started making a comeback, possibly spurred on by a wave of post-9/11 patriotism. If done right by someone like Jerry Bruckheimer, a G.I. Joe movie could be the biggest action franchise ever. Think about this: General Hawk: Harrison Ford Duke: Kiefer Sutherland or Kurt Russell Flint: Brad Pitt or Guy Pearce Scarlett: Julianne Moore or Famke Janssen Snake-Eyes: Ray Park Roadblock: Ving Rhames Stalker: Wesley Snipes Rock ‘n’ Roll: Owen Wilson Clutch: Ben Stiller Chuckles: Edward Norton Cobra Commander: Bruce Campbell Destro: Jason Statham Baroness: Jennifer Connelly Storm Shadow: Jet Li Zartan: Johnny Depp Zarana: Juliette Lewis ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/3 "2006-06-06T02:45:29Z")
> [@Big Bad Voodoo Lou](#): > > Zartan: Johnny Depp Genius! ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/4 "2006-06-06T02:52:56Z")
Sgt Slaughter never looked all that much like his cartoon/comic/figure counterpart. He now looks even less like him. It would be…depressing to see him playing the character. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/5 "2006-06-06T03:08:21Z")
Cover Girl: Angela Everheart ---
**Author:** ![The\_Batman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/22d042/32.png) [@The\_Batman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Batman)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/6 "2006-06-06T03:35:41Z")
Gung-Ho: Terry O’Quinn in a mentor-like role or The Rock in a more action filled role. Lady Jaye: Angelina Jolie Wild Bill: Val Kilmer Jinx: Kelly Hu ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/7 "2006-06-06T03:54:04Z")
Seems to me that Jesse Ventura was born to play the role of “Gung-Ho” ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/8 "2006-06-06T03:57:11Z")
> [@bump](#): > > Seems to me that Jesse Ventura was born to play the role of “Gung-Ho” In the '80s, yes, but he’s way too old now. Mr. T would have been the perfect Roadblock in the '80s as well. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/9 "2006-06-06T04:53:53Z")
I don’t know any of the GI Joe characters, but that sort of idea just screams “Vin Diesel” to me. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/10 "2006-06-06T05:01:46Z")
[Robert Mitchum and Burgess Meredith.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0038120/) ---
**Author:** ![H3Knuckles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@H3Knuckles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H3Knuckles)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/11 "2006-06-06T05:11:41Z")
Bolding Mine > [@Big Bad Voodoo Lou](#): > > I had this idea back in 2001, when the G.I. Joe toys and comic books first started making a comeback, possibly spurred on by a wave of post-9/11 patriotism. If done right by someone like Jerry Bruckheimer, a G.I. Joe movie could be the biggest action franchise ever. Think about this: > > General Hawk: **Harrison Ford** > Duke: Kiefer Sutherland or **Kurt Russell** > Flint: Brad Pitt or Guy Pearce > Scarlett: Julianne Moore or Famke Janssen > Snake-Eyes: Ray Park > Roadblock: **Ving Rhames** > Stalker: Wesley Snipes > Rock ‘n’ Roll: Owen Wilson > Clutch: Ben Stiller > Chuckles: Edward Norton > > Cobra Commander: Bruce Campbell > Destro: Jason Statham > Baroness: Jennifer Connelly > Storm Shadow: Jet Li > Zartan: Johnny Depp > Zarana: Juliette Lewis Well, you certainly have this planned out. I like the ones I’ve bolded, especially your Hawk and Roadblock. Now, Duke is kinda funny. I absolutely would not cast Kiefer, and I don’t even think I’d go for Kurt. Duke is an all-american, 1950’s-style, straight-laced blond-haired blue-eyed goody-two-shoes. He’s a Texan, to boot. Kiefer’s got too much of an edge, and whenever I think of Kurt Russel in a serious action role I think of _Soldier_, and he just comes across as a little too bad-ass for Duke IMO. To be honest, I think his performance in that film qualifies him very well to play Flint, the former green-beret, hard-ass guy who doesn’t really talk or emote much even though he’s one of the biggest heroes. I don’t know who today would make a good Duke. Brad Pitt’s too young-looking and pretty-boy IMO. A much younger (early-40’s) Robert Redford would have been my ideal choice. Ray Park as Snake Eyes is just typecasting. I totally agree with you, it’s a flashy martial-arts performance with no spoken lines and a consealed face. Since Park’s acting career most prominently consists of Darth Maul and Toad, I’d say he’s a pretty good fit. Famke Jenssen would make a good Scarlett, but I almost feel like that’s a bad idea on the grounds of her having just played Jean Grey, a very similar character. I’d take her over Julianne Moore, but that’s just cause I have trouble picturing Ms. Moore in a role as a special-forces/martial-artist bad-ass. Wesley Snipes would be pretty good as Stalker, but I think I’d try to find someone a little older and meaner looking. I’d really like to see someone with an African accent in the role, but that’s got less to do with the character than it does with how **I** like to interpret him. Rock ‘n’ Roll: Owen Wilson? I’m sorry, I just don’t see it. I loved him _Behind Enemy Lines_, this has nothing to do with his ability to play serious action roles (I’d love him as one of the pilots, like Lift Ticket). In fact, I think he’d be a good Chuckles (the undercover guy), in spite of his distinctive nose. Better than Ed Norton, I feel. Back to RnR, he’s a slightly older, worn out rock enthusiast who became kind of a beach bum. Think aging-biker mixed with surfer. He likes the California beach, but he likes noise, machines, and loud hard-rock/heavy metal. Wilson doesn’t fit that role at all, IMO. I kinda like Gary Busey or the [dude](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0301370/) who played “Swamp Thing” in _Con Air_ for Rock ‘n’ Roll. Bruce Campbell as Cobra Commander: WTH? :eek: I don’t know who I’d cast for this, probably someone like the dude who played Wormtongue in the _Lord of the Rings_ trilogy, or Mark Hamill (for his excellent voicework as the Joker on _Batman: The Animated Series_). It doesn’t matter, since they’re wearing a fully-consealing mask, but someone who can do a classical villain voice. The kind where you can almost picture them twisting their mustache. Best of all would be [Doug Parker](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0662214/). Dude did a credible impersonation of the inimicable Chris Latta’s voice work as a Starscream cameo on _Beast Wars: Transformers_. Chris Latta is the deceased voice actor behind Cobra Commander throughout the old _GI Joe_ cartoon, for those who don’t know. As for Mr. Statham, well, I haven’t really seen anything he’s in. If he can play a traditional aloof British noble and do an understated Scottish accent while still coming across as a bad ass, then he’s dead on. Big thing here; Destro is tough, but he’s an intellectual, and a high-society type. As for Zartan, I’d be inclined to pick someone with more experience doing sinister-yet-sardonic roles. I think, perhaps, someone like [Jeffrey Jones](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000470/). He may be a little old, and he’d need to get in shape, but I think he could nail the personality for this role. If you could find a younger actor like him, that’d be it. Your female picks are all pretty good, honestly. I can’t really speak to Juliette Lewis as Zaranna, I’m not very familiar with her work, even after looking her up on IMDB. If she can play an obnoxious punk-rocker girl one minute and a ditsy, sweet-hearted model the next, then she’s perfect. Basically, she needs to do the punk role well, as that’s Zaranna’s core personality, but be **very** versatile as well, since Zaranna’s supposedly a master of disguise. How’s about [Karel Roden](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0734558/) (the guy who played Rasputin in _Hellboy_) as Dr. Mindbender? or Sam Neill as Tomax/Xamot? Too old for the role, maybe. This is fun! ---
**Author:** ![H3Knuckles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@H3Knuckles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H3Knuckles)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/12 "2006-06-06T05:30:32Z")
> [@Tijuana\_Golds](#): > > Gung-Ho: Terry O’Quinn in a mentor-like role or The Rock in a more action filled role. > Lady Jaye: Angelina Jolie > Wild Bill: Val Kilmer > Jinx: Kelly Hu Pretty good. However, I really like **bump’s** suggestion of Jesse Ventura for Gung-Ho. Don’t underestimate the power of Hollywood make-up and smoke-and-mirrors! I Don’t like Angelina Jolie. Not even as Lady Jaye! 😛 For this role, I’d want an late-30’s/early-40’s actress who’s tough, but kinda cute in a way. To me, Jolie just looks like she’s trying too hard to look like a Playboy Bunny or something, with the huge lips and breasts. Jaye doesn’t seem like she should be big-chested, what with the spear-throwing and all. [Janine Turner](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005508/) might be good if she isn’t too old-looking now. Ironically, **lissener** , Burgess Meredith **was** in a GI-Joe movie. And I mean the action cartoons. He voiced Golobulus, the mastermind villain of [GI Joe: The Movie](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093066/)! :eek: Lastly, I don’t know about Angie Everhart in the role, but I always thought Covergirl was a cool character, and I’d definitely want her to be in a live-action movie, **JThunder**! ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/13 "2006-06-06T06:01:06Z")
If we can include characters from the animated movie, Falcon seems like he’d be a good role for Bruce Campbell (and holy shit, he was played by Don Johnson in the animated movie?! I didn’t even realize! :eek: ) Not sure how much you’d have to stretch the imagination to picture Bruce Campbell as a Lieutenant, but mention that the guy enlisted first then went through OTS, and maybe bump his in-movie rank to Captain, and it’d work. As for Cobra Commander, he would at least have to be voiced by Gilbert Godfrey. He would need to play it cooler than he usually does for any line except “COBRA! RETREAT!” however. Mark Hamil would also be an excellent choice. Could Destro be played by Vin Diesel? I mean, he has the haircut for it at least, right? _looks up Jason Statham_ Nevermind, not the role for Vin Diesel here. ---
**Author:** ![Declan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Declan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declan)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/14 "2006-06-06T07:59:35Z")
> [@H3Knuckles](#): > > and whenever I think of Kurt Russel in a serious action role I think of _Soldier_, and he just comes across as a little too bad-ass for Duke IMO. To be honest, I think his performance in that film qualifies him very well to play Flint, the former green-beret, hard-ass guy who doesn’t really talk or emote much even though he’s one of the biggest heroes. I don’t know who today would make a good Duke. Brad Pitt’s too young-looking and pretty-boy IMO. A much younger (early-40’s) Robert Redford would have been my ideal choice. Yeah , but would you say that Kurt did the same type of Job with Stargate the motion picture. Honestly I cant think of any other name actor at this point in time ,with both the age and the chops to bring off the role. Two characters from BSG possibly could fit the role, one got whacked on Kobol and the other Helot. Thats strictly based on age and physical characteristics, but neither of them screams duke. Declan ---
**Author:** ![DWMarch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwmarch/32/1010_2.png) [@DWMarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWMarch)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/15 "2006-06-06T08:59:47Z")
I think Gary Oldman would be a great Cobra Commander but I love the idea of having Gilbert Gottfried doing the voice… I wonder if he’d yell “COBRA!” the same way he yells “AFLAC!” Hmm, might not work after all… Angelina Jolie would make a great Baroness and she’d wear the leather suit well. I’d pay money to see it anyhow. As a Firefly fan, I’d have to say Nathan Fillion and Adam Baldwin would make great Joes but I’m not sure which ones… ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/16 "2006-06-06T13:41:32Z")
With his sense of humor, Nathan Fillion would be terrific as either Flint (who I think of as the Joes’ dashing swashbuckler more than a stoic military hardass) or Falcon. Adam Baldwin could be someone like Leatherneck. I’m sure there is a good part for Vin Diesel among the Joes – maybe he could be Gung-Ho? Jeffrey Jones for Zartan? I think not. He’s got to be 50 by now, and has always been chubby and never done any physical roles. I cast Johnny Depp knowingly, as the biggest chameleon or master of disguise in Hollywood, and he can pull off action scenes as well. Zartan is a ninja master, on top of everything else. I figured Ed Norton could be the Joes’ equivalent of an undercover guy, since he’s almost as multifaceted as Depp. I avoided people like Gary Busey who probably wouldn’t fool anyone into thinking they were part of a highly-trained anti-terrorism paramilitary task force. He’s just too old and isn’t in good shape anymore. I thought Owen Wilson could channel Rock ‘n’ Roll’s laid-back surfer vibe, and he’s a solid actor who can do good deadpan comedy as well as having been in some action-buddy movies. Janine Turner is a good choice for Lady Jaye, but if not, how about a short-haired Amy Acker? She has much more action experience, between Angel and Alias. Finally, I don’t think Duke is as much of a goody-goody as you take him for, **H3Knuckles**. Being more a fan of the comics than the cartoons, I almost think of him as Jack Bauer-lite, the super-soldier who gets the job done right, no matter the cost. I’ll be back a bit later. There have got to be some roles among the Joes for Nicholas Brendon, Alexis Denisof, J. August Richards, and Christian Kane. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/17 "2006-06-06T13:51:11Z")
> [@Big Bad Voodoo Lou](#): > > I had this idea back in 2001, when the G.I. Joe toys and comic books first started making a comeback, possibly spurred on by a wave of post-9/11 patriotism. If done right by someone like Jerry Bruckheimer, a G.I. Joe movie could be the biggest action franchise ever. Think about this: > > General Hawk: Harrison Ford > Duke: Kiefer Sutherland or Kurt Russell > Flint: Brad Pitt or Guy Pearce > Scarlett: Julianne Moore or Famke Janssen > Snake-Eyes: Ray Park > Roadblock: Ving Rhames > Stalker: Wesley Snipes > Rock ‘n’ Roll: Owen Wilson > Clutch: Ben Stiller > Chuckles: Edward Norton > > Cobra Commander: Bruce Campbell > Destro: Jason Statham > Baroness: Jennifer Connelly > Storm Shadow: Jet Li > Zartan: Johnny Depp > Zarana: Juliette Lewis I was all set to come in here and protest whatever anyone suggested, thinking no one could get it right, but I must admit you seem to have it. _grumbles_ ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/18 "2006-06-06T14:56:25Z")
How about the following? Duke: Matt LeBlanc Flint: David Schwimmer Snake-Eyes: Matthew Perry Scarlett: Jennifer Anniston Lady Jaye: Lisa Kudrow Cover Girl: Courteney Cox ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/19 "2006-06-06T17:52:52Z")
Bruce Campbell should be Shipwreck. I’m still trying to find someone appropriate for the Cobra Twins. Rutger Hauer as Serpentor. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569/20 "2006-06-06T20:03:43Z")
> [@The Mad Hermit](#): > > Rutger Hauer as Serpentor. This, I command! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-be-in-a-live-action-gi-joe-movie/359569.md?page=2)