# Who would win: a grizzly bear trained in martial arts or a dozen female midgets? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 6, 2006, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506 "2006-10-06T15:44:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/1 "2006-10-06T15:44:35Z")
Now it’s been shown in lab tests that female midgets exhibit packlike mentality and have been known to take down predators many times their size, much like the fearsome killer ants of Argentina. But I’m going to go with the grizzly bear. I’m not sure how he puts on his black belt or uniform but his claw attack and key breathing should prove decisive. He’ll have the mental discipline to withstand lethal blows and the presence of mind to maneuver through multiple attackers. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/2 "2006-10-06T15:59:16Z")
As soon as Mr Grizzly tried a kick he’d fall flat on his ass, the midgets would then swarm all over him and beat him to death with socks filled with wet sand. Yep my money is on the little women ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/3 "2006-10-06T16:05:45Z")
I’d bet on the bear. We already know what happens when 42 fake midgets fight a imaginary [del]lion[/del] tiger. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/4 "2006-10-06T16:06:24Z")
The midgets, cause they’re [“Teenie Weenie Meanies.”](http://www.amazon.com/Best-Wirtz-Years-Road-Pianist/dp/B000058984) Click to listen to number 6 on the list to know what I’m talkin’ bout. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/5 "2006-10-06T16:14:14Z")
I was talking to my 9-year-old son the other day: Son: “Who would win a fight between a gorilla and a bear?” Me: “The bear, no question. It’s as strong as the gorilla and has sharp teeth and claws.” Son: “What if the gorilla was in one of those bear-proof suits?” Me: “Then I suppose he might have an edge. In that case, the gorilla.” Son: “What if the bear was in one of those gorilla-proof suitcases?” Me: “Then it would be a tie.” ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/6 "2006-10-06T16:21:08Z")
Anecdotal information suggests that the midgets would win. I base this on experience gained from having a 4’10" wife. If they were also Lebanese (as she is) - I would feel sorry for the bear and all bear-like objects in the area. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/7 "2006-10-06T16:35:03Z")
The bear will probably win unless he’s distracted by an angel. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/CVS1UfCfxlU/hqdefault.jpg "John West Salmon "Bear Fight" ad") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVS1UfCfxlU) ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/8 "2006-10-06T16:58:10Z")
Who would win? PETA and the [Little People of America](http://www.lpaonline.org/) . Think of all the publicity they would get with their protests. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/9 "2006-10-06T16:59:36Z")
[QUOTE=Loach] Who would win? PETA and the [Little People of America](http://www.lpaonline.org/) . Think of all the publicity they would get with their protests. [/QUOTE] I see a team cagematch… ---
**Author:** ![Chez\_Guevara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/10 "2006-10-06T18:25:32Z")
I think the deciding factor is the battleground. If the venue is a wood or a forest I fancy the bear, no question. Familiarity with the terrain, ferocity of attitude and superior fur quality should see him emerge triumphant. However, if the chosen theatre of operations is a crowded McDonalds restaurant crammed with customers trying to buy Cheese Royales (heavy on the cheese) at lunchtime, I’d have to jump ship and go with the midgets. There are several reasons for this: a) It is far easier to manoeuvre around a burger joint full of people if your centre of gravity is low. 1-0 to the midgets. b) The midgets would be able to jump on customers’ heads, wait for the bear to walk past and then take him by surprise. Bear 0, midgets 2. c) The bear would be distracted by the smell of burgers. It would go into the kitchens, eat some burgers and employees and then fall asleep because it can’t eat any more. The midgets would soon take advantage of this scenario. Final score: Midgets 3, Bear 0. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/11 "2006-10-06T19:58:52Z")
It would depend on what the bear is wearing. Research shows that even bears at black-belt level tend to get tangled in their gi and fall down, giving the advantage to the midgets. The naked (well, fur-clad) bear, on the other hand, would have its natural agility, large claws, sharp teeth, and ferocious +12 bad breath as weapons. In that case, I’d go with the bear. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/12 "2006-10-06T20:33:50Z")
What I want to know is what kind of fiend would take nature’s killing machine and make it even more dangerous by _teaching it martial arts?!?_ It’s like giving a shark a bazooka! ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/13 "2006-10-06T20:38:14Z")
Dude, a shark with a bazooka is pretty much just a shark. No hands, much less opposable thumbs. And as far as I know, bazookas aren’t waterproof. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/14 "2006-10-06T20:45:57Z")
[QUOTE=JThunder] Dude, a shark with a bazooka is pretty much just a shark. No hands, much less opposable thumbs. [/quote] It’s mounted, and manned by a monkey in a scuba suit. > [@JThunder](#): > > And as far as I know, bazookas aren’t waterproof. Yeah, but like, this one is, though. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/15 "2006-10-06T21:12:19Z")
[QUOTE=pravnik] It’s like giving a shark a bazooka! [/QUOTE] What, the laser beam mounted on its head isn’t enough? ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/16 "2006-10-07T01:31:20Z")
Yes, but what if one of them had a flamethrower! Mounted on a Percheron! Which was dropping from the skies! ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/17 "2006-10-07T01:53:00Z")
And then what if the midgets are armed with frying pans? ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/18 "2006-10-07T02:52:18Z")
[Porno Music] And just where do I find these FINE, FINE Ladies? [/Boom-Chicka-Wow-wow] ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/19 "2006-10-07T03:10:29Z")
Does it matter? Midgets are infinitely cuter than a grizzly bear. Midgets, no contest. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/20 "2006-10-07T05:04:35Z")
[QUOTE=pravnik] What I want to know is what kind of fiend would take nature’s killing machine and make it even more dangerous by _teaching it martial arts?!?_ It’s like giving a shark a bazooka! [/QUOTE] Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It’s a shark riding on an elephant’s back, just trampling and eating everything they see. -Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506.md?page=2)